Welcome to the wittiest collection of medieval puns that will have you sword fighting with laughter! From knights to jesters, kings to peasants, this compilation of over 200 puns is fit for any chivalrous occasion. Whether you’re a fan of medieval history or just enjoy a good play on words, these jokes will have you feeling like you’re part of the royal court. Get ready to laugh until you’re horsing around, because these puns are no joust-ing matter. So grab your coat of arms and your sense of humor and let’s delve into the world of medieval puns!
Joust Kidding: Medieval Puns to Reign the Day (Editors Pick)
1. What do you call a medieval knight who loves hip hop? Sir Mix-a-lot.”
2. “Why did the knight wear his armor to the party? Because he was afraid of the hors d’oeuvres.”
3. What did the medieval druid say when he didn’t like his breakfast? ‘It’s sacril-eggious!'”
4. “Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his crown fixed.”
5. “Why did the jester go to the doctor? Because he was feeling a little foolish.
6. What kind of bread did they serve in the medieval ages? Round table.
7. “What do you call a medieval book club? The Knights ‘Readers’ of the Round Table.”
8. “What did the medieval jester say when he lost his job? I’m no fool, I’m a jest-er!”
9. Why did the medieval knight take up photography? To capture the knightlife.”
10. What did the medieval blacksmith say when he received a compliment? I’m flattered, but hammering away is just my knight in shinin’ armor.”
11. “How did the medieval knight get in shape? By jousting once a knight.”
12. “Why did the medieval king go on a diet? He wanted to lose some castle-lbs.”
13. “What did the medieval banker say to his client? I assure you, your gold is in safe-keeping.”
14. “Why did the medieval prince break up with his girlfriend? She was too big of a fan of the jester.”
15. “What was the medieval peasant’s favorite hobby? Co-op-ing (coping) with knights and dragons.”
16. “Why did the medieval bishop cross the road? To get to the other divine.”
17. “What did the medieval tailor say when he ran out of thread? It’s sew over.”
18. Why did the knight refuse to fight on his birthday? It was his knight off.”
19. What did the medieval carpenter say when the castle walls fell down? I’m board of this job.”
20. Why did the medieval knight go to the apple orchard? To joust admire the fruit.
Merry Medieval Madness (One-liner Puns)
1. Why did Joan of Arc win the jousting tournament? She was the mane-at-arms.
2. What did the knight say when he saw his squire? Squire! Time no horse-ing around!
3. What do you call a medieval barber? Sir cuts-a-lot.
4. Why did the castle moat get so angry? Someone drew a mote around it.
5. What did the medieval vampire say to his prey? I vant your blood, but I’ll settle for a pint.
6. What do you call a group of knights who sing? The Armor-ials.
7. What’s a medieval knight’s favourite mode of transportation? A horse and carriage.
8. What do you call a king who’s also a musician? The Harp-ty King.
9. What do you call a medieval king’s pet snake? His-serpent.
10. What was King Arthur’s favourite musical instrument? The round table.
11. What was the sheriff’s favourite medieval job? Arresting development.
12. Why did the court jester always carry a bow and arrow? He was the pun-isher.
13. What do you call a medieval zombie knight? Sir Loin of undead.
14. What did the magician say to the squire? Hocus-pocus page.
15. What do you call a knight who can’t decide what to wear? Sir Cumstance.
16. What’s a medieval knight’s favourite snack? Joust nuts.
17. What did the medieval bank manager say to his customers? Leave your cheques at the drawbridge.
18. What’s a pirate’s favourite time period? The Yarrr-dle Ages.
19. What do you call a medieval sports team? The Dungeon Rangers.
20. What do you get when you cross a medieval jester with a chef? Fool’s pudding.
Medieval Riddlesome Knights (Question-and-Answer Puns)
1. Why do medieval knights always eat their vegetables? Because they fear the reign of beans!
2. What do you call a knight who loves to play pranks? Sir Giggles-a-lot!
3. How did the blacksmith describe his job at the medieval fair? It’s iron-ic!
4. What do you call a medieval musician who’s always off-key? A troubadour-dead.
5. What do you call an ancient knight who’s always spilling his drink? Sir Drinks-a-lot.
6. Why don’t medieval monks take selfies? Because they prefer shelfies!
7. What’s a knight’s favorite drink? Mead, it’s sword of his thing!
8. Why do wizards love medieval architecture so much? Because it’s spellbinding!
9. What do you call a nobleman who fakes his laughter? A jest-tizer.
10. Why aren’t medieval jokes funny? Because they’re too old to laugh at.
11. What do you call a knight who’s lost his horse? Sir Vix-a-lot.
12. What do you call a medieval tournament with only knights? A knighthood party.
13. How do you catch a medieval thief? Have a knight watchman.
14. What do you call a knight who always wears his armor in the shower? Sir Scrub-a-lot.
15. What do you call a medieval soldier who’s always having nightmares? A night-mare!
16. Why did the medieval knight go on a diet? He wanted to lance weight.
17. What do you call a medieval meal that has gone bad? Rotten to the throne.
18. What do you call a medieval philosopher who’s always moaning about his back pain? Sir Spinal-oty.
19. What do you call a medieval ruler who loves fast food? A king of burgers.
20. Why do medieval knights like wearing tight suits of armor? Because it fits them like a glove-tail!
From Knight to Pun: Swordplay with Double Entendre Puns in Medieval Times
1. The blacksmith was a real iron man.
2. The castle was a real drawbridge to many tourists.
3. The jester was the king’s fool-time employee.
4. The knight had a lot of armor in his closet.
5. The maiden was the queen of hearts for the kingdom’s bachelors.
6. The king was a real feudal my fire.
7. The lord’s chamberlain had a key to all the locks.
8. The alchemist was always trying to make the philosopher sex stone.
9. The archer was shooting for the stars and the ladies’ hearts.
10. The black knight was always looking to get a little bat-like fun with his lady friends.
11. The castle’s butler had a lot of cellar stories to share.
12. The damsel in distress was saved by the knight in shining armor who was her prince charming.
13. The dragon was a real fire-breathing hot stuff.
14. The duke was always having a jousting match with his rivals.
15. The fair maiden was as pure as snow while the king was a bit of a devil in disguise.
16. The merchant had a lot of medieval moolah.
17. The queen was always giving her handmaidens a royal dressing down.
18. The troubadour was always singing love songs to the ladies and hoping to score.
19. The wizard was always brewing up some love potions for the single soldiers in the kingdom.
20. The lord’s castle was a real knightclub for the ladies.
Mirthful Medieval Wordplay (Puns in Idioms)
1. A knight’s favorite drink? Meadieval times!
2. I jest can’t get enough of medieval humor.
3. Resting on his laurels, the archer shot his last arrow.
4. The medieval tailor didn’t have a fitting end.
5. A medieval pun battle is all the rage these days.
6. Don’t let that dragon knight scare you.
7. What’s the knight’s favorite food? Dragon-cue.
8. The medieval blacksmith was iron-willed.
9. Do you think the king is a castle in the clouds?
10. Did you knight your chicken dinner?
11. The blacksmith was the fairest of them all.
12. An army of medieval pun-lovers is approaching!
13. What do you call a medieval hair stylist? Sir-cuts-a-lot.
14. He studied medieval history and found it knight-ly fascinating.
15. The medieval pharmacist was a potion master.
16. Did the jester have a royal pain in the neck?
17. What did the medieval knight say after taxes? I’m sword!
18. The medieval boatman was a paddle warrior.
19. A medieval dragon’s breath will take your breath away!
20. What do you say to a knight with a cold? Greetings-he’ll.
Knights in Shining Homophones (Medieval Pun Juxtaposition)
1. Knights in shining armor can often be rusty.
2. The jester’s puns were torture, but the inquisitor preferred a rack.
3. Medieval surgeons had a lot of practice doing lance-ectomies.
4. King Arthur had a round table because he wanted to avoid any corners.
5. The knight’s horse goes neigh, while the court jester goes hu-ha!
6. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake because she refused to fry.
7. Jousting knights liked to lance about when they weren’t competing.
8. Peasant diets were meager, but the king had a royal serving.
9. Medieval weaponry was sharp, but the cheese platter was slicer.
10. The king was always busy ruling, there was no time to chivalry.
11. The pastry chef won the kingdom’s bake-off with his amazing knight and lances cake.
12. A knight and his squire met in the castle courtyard because they were medieval.
13. Medieval farmers would use a scythe and sickle to harvest crops and slay dragons.
14. The medieval man ate so many turnips that he almost became a turnip along.
15. Medieval entertainers are great show-offs, but they never use PowerPoint.
16. Archery practice was fast becoming Robin up-and-comer hobby.
17. Medieval warfare was never a game, but the jester had a few tricks lance-up his sleeve!
18. The blacksmith could create horseshoes, knives, and Lancelot armor.
19. They decided to dragon up the past to see who could come up with the most medieval fun.
20. In the Middle Ages, the baker was always in his natural yeast.
Ye Olde Punny Names: Medieval Wordplay at Its Best
1. Sir Loin, the beefy knight
2. Castle Hasselhoff, home of the baywatching nobles
3. Lady Chivalry, the most courteous of noblewomen
4. Robin Hoodwinked, the sneaky thief
5. King Arthuritis, ruler of the aching joint kingdom
6. Maid Marianas Trench, the deepest lady in waiting
7. The Black Knight Light, the illuminated warrior
8. Castle Whine, the home of the grumpy royals
9. Earl Grey, the tea-drinking nobleman
10. Dragon Slayer Cake, the dessert of champions
11. Sir Cumference, the knight of many angles
12. Castle Inebriated, where the jolly royals reside
13. Prince Humperdinckle, the suitor with the silly name
14. The Sword in the Stoned, the dull sword that couldn’t cut it
15. Sir Lancelotta, the knight of many pies
16. The Fair Maiden Hair, the princess with great locks
17. Baron Von Badpun, the jester of the court
18. The Jester’s Chest, the treasure trove of comedy gold
19. King Juvenile, the childish ruler
20. Sir Toot-a-Lot, the knight with a flatulence problem.
Muddled Medieval Mizzy-Mazzy (Spoonerisms for Medieval Puns)
1. Dark knights – Mark Dites
2. Renaissance Faire – Fenaissance Raire
3. King Arthur – Aring Kithur
4. Jousting contest – Custing jontest
5. Castle tower – Tassel cower
6. Dragonslayer – Slagon drayer
7. Medieval banquet – Beval medinquet
8. Chainmail armor – Mainchail arnor
9. Crown jewels – Jown cruels
10. Excalibur sword – Scalibur exord
11. Knight in shining armor – Nite in knishing armou
12. Feudal lord – Lewdal furd
13. Royal family – Foyal ramily
14. Heraldic crest – Ceraldic hrest
15. Holy Grail – Goly Hrail
16. Black Plague – Pack blague
17. Court jester – Jourt cester
18. Crusader army – Arusader cmyra
19. Siege weapons – Wege sidepons
20. Cathedral architecture – Athedral carchitecture
Joust Kidding Around: Medieval Pun-derful Tom Swifties!
1. “I’m going to the Renaissance fair,” Tom said knightly.
2. “I’m not fond of jousting,” Tom said lance-ily.
3. “I don’t like the taste of mead,” Tom said shamelessly.
4. This chain mail is heavy,” Tom said weightily.
5. “I won’t surrender,” Tom said defiantly fortressed.
6. Getting stuck in the stocks would be the worst,” Tom said in lock-step.
7. “I feel so royal in this outfit,” Tom said majestically.
8. “I think I need a castle,” Tom said fortuitously.
9. “This sword is rusty,” Tom said cuttingly.
10. “You look like a knight in shining armor,” Tom said gallantly.
11. “I hate to break it to you, but dragons aren’t real,” Tom said mythically.
12. “I prefer a bow and arrow,” Tom said archeryingly.
13. “I’ll take the tower room,” Tom said loftily.
14. “I prefer long-haired maidens,” Tom said fair-ily.
15. I’ve had enough mead for one night,” Tom said drunkenly.
16. “This banquet is fit for a king,” Tom said nobly.
17. “I don’t trust that jester,” Tom said clownishly.
18. “I don’t think I’d make a good squire,” Tom said knavishly.
19. “I’d rather have a unicorn than a horse,” Tom said fancifully.
20. “I’ll have to cross that moat somehow,” Tom said bridgely.
Medieval Jester-wits (Oxymoronic Puns)
1. Joust for fun, but be knightly serious.
2. Castle? More like hassle.
3. I’m a noble peasant.
4. Medieval medicine: it’s barbarically advanced.
5. Why did the knight refuse to fight? Because he was armorless.
6. A swordfight? Oh, stab me with excitement!
7. I don’t need a kingdom, just a queen-dom.
8. Life in the medieval times was so un-chivalrously civil.
9. Serfs up!
10. To the feudal lord, the serfs were both the labor and the love.
11. The best thing about the Middle Ages was the interesting castle architecture – it was a real merging of the new and old stonework.
12. I always knew the blacksmith was a real iron man.
13. The medieval doctor said he would have to resort to leeches, which was ironic because he was already regarded as one.
14. My horse and I are a medieval man’s two-tired steed mates.
15. They had the bubonic plague, we have the coronavirus. Which is worse? A medieval versus a modern-day problem.
16. It was the age of faith and the Crusades, but it sure did feel like there was a real lack of knights in this world.
17. The castle has a dungeon, but it’s nothing to be locked up about.
18. If I were a medieval doctor, I’d give you some archaicillin.
19. The Middle Ages: in which a high point was remembering one’s place in the feudal pyramid.
20. Robin Hood stole from the rich and gave to the poor. He was an outlaw, but also a social justice warrior.
The Middle Ages Re-imagined (Recursive Puns)
1. Did you hear about the knight who became a musician? He was a minstrel knight.
2. I told a joke about the Crusades, but it was a bit too niche for my tastes.
3. I dressed up as a jester for Halloween, but my puns fell flat. I guess you could say I was a jokester.
4. Medieval artists never get bored; they always have a castle to draw.
5. Why did the knight break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a dragon him down.
6. I went to a medieval themed restaurant, but the service was a maze.
7. A man walked into a medieval store and asked for a sword. The shopkeeper replied, “I’m sorry sir, but we are all out of steel.”
8. What kind of music did knights listen to? Medieval.
9. What did the Viking say when asked what type of bears are the strongest? “Thors”.
10. Did you hear about the medieval cheese thief? They wandered through dungeons and feta-ls.
11. What kind of magic do mountaineers like? Alpine-ters.
12. What did knights say when their helmets got dented? “I can’t believe it cusped”.
13. What kind of grammar did Shakespeare use when he was cold? Iambic-penta-coal.
14. Did you hear about the knight who loved Latin? He was a Roman-sir.
15. What happened when the medieval baker’s assistant quit? He kneaded a new apprentice.
16. Did you hear about the thief who stole a King’s crown? He made a royal mistake.
17. What did the blacksmith say when he got a promotion? “This is a huge forge-ward for me”.
18. Why did the medieval king not like dragons? Because they had scales.
19. Why did the time traveler go to 15th-century Italy? For the pasta and Michelangelo’s artwork.
20. Did you hear about the knight who loved to make jokes? He was a pun-sader.
Medieval Times: Sword Play on Words (Puns on Cliches)
1. Knights in shining armor? More like knights in blinding armor.
2. It’s not epic, it’s just torturous.
3. Castles may be huge, but they’re just chess pieces for the nobles.
4. A medieval party isn’t complete until someone loses a joust.
5. Life is like a medieval siege; sometimes you’re the attacker, other times you’re the defender.
6. The king’s crown may be fancy, but it’s not worth the weight.
7. If a knight loses his sword, he’s lance-less.
8. Castle security is so tight, even the moat has a mote.
9. Archery competitions can be a real hit or miss.
10. It’s hard to find love when every lady is already taken by a knight.
11. A noble’s wardrobe may be fancy, but nothing beats chain mail cosplay.
12. When there’s a horse, there’s a knight.
13. Who needs a GPS when you have a compass?
14. A crossbow may be slow, but it doesn’t need a reload.
15. Training to become a knight requires a lot of sword self-defense.
16. If someone sneezes at a feast, they just got knighted.
17. The court jester’s job is nothing to laugh about.
18. A medieval workout regime: lifting vats of mead and hefting steins of ale.
19. Anyone can wear a crown, but can they handle the responsibility?
20. During the Dark Ages, the noble’s favorite color was nightshade.
In conclusion, we hope these medieval puns have brought a smile to your face and added some humor to your day. If you’re craving more witty jokes, head over to our website for a plethora of puns to tickle your funny bone. Thank you for visiting and we hope to see you again soon!
