Sink your teeth into some wickedly funny vampire puns that will leave you howling with laughter! From fang-tastic one-liners to blood-curdling jokes, this collection of over 200 puns is sure to slay you. Whether you’re a fan of Dracula, Twilight, or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, these puns are sure to appeal to your vampire-loving side. So grab a wooden stake and get ready to hunt down some laughs with these bloody hilarious vampire puns! Let’s drive a stake into boring humor and resurrect the fun!
Don’t Be a Sucker, Check Out These Fang-tastic Vampire Puns (Editors Pick)
1. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? Because she was too clingy!
2. Why do vampires use mouthwash? Because their fangs get blood-tired!
3. What do you call a vampire that’s lost his memory? An am-pire!
4. Why did the vampire go to art school? To learn how to draw blood!
5. What do you call a vampire who owns a bar? Drac-tender!
6. What do you call a vampire accountant? Count Taxula!
7. Why did the vampire cross the road? To get to the other cemetery!
8. How do you know if a vampire has a cold? They start coffin!
9. Why don’t vampires have money? Because they’re always broke-neck!
10. What do you call a vampire musician? A Stradivampire!
11. Why did the vampire go to the doctor? Because he was coffin’!
12. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? Necktarines!
13. What do you call a vampire with dental braces? Bracelet!
14. Why do vampires need mouthwash? Because they have bat breath!
15. What do you call a vampire who’s always on time? Punctual!
16. Did you hear about the vampire who became a vegetarian? He couldn’t stomach anything with blood in it!
17. Why did the vampire join an orchestra? He wanted to play the violin-garde!
18. What do you call a vampire that owns a motorcycle? A Vampcycle!
19. Why did the vampire quit his job as a bank teller? He kept sucking up all the liquid assets!
20. Why do vampires like gold? Because it’s coffin-thread!
Bloody Good Puns (One-liner Vampire Jokes)
1. Why is it difficult to borrow a vampire’s calculator? They always take a bite out of your numbers.
2. Why do vampires avoid fruit? They don’t want to get a coronavampire.
3. Who is a vampire’s favorite math teacher? Count Dracula!
4. What do you call a nosy vampire? The bleeding gossiper.
5. Why do vampires wear long black capes? Because they’re always Dracula in style.
6. Did you hear about the vegan vampire? He only eats purple yams.
7. Why did the vampire go to art school? He wanted to learn how to draw blood.
8. When do vampires go to sleep? At bat-time.
9. Why did the vampire stay inside during daytime? Because he was afraid of a stakeout.
10. What do you call a vampire who is no good at math? A count-on-me-not.
11. Why don’t vampires get married? They don’t want to be transylvania.
12. What is a vampire’s favorite type of boat? A blood vessel.
13. Why did the vampire refuse to eat spicy food? It gave him heart-coughin.
14. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
15. Why did the vampire quit smoking? It’s bad for your health, plus he was coughing up bats.
16. What do vampires use to keep their hair in place? A batcomb.
17. Why did the vampire start a vegetable garden? He wanted to grow some fang-tastic produce.
18. How does a vampire order a sandwich? Bite-ly.
19. Why do vampires love baseball? Because they enjoy taking a bite out of the pitcher.
20. What do you call a group of vampires playing music? A band of ghouls.
Fangs for Asking: Vampire Pun Q&A Teasers
1. Why did the vampire flunk art class? Because he could only draw blood.
2. What do you call a vampire who works for a phone company? A telemarketer.
3. How do vampires fluently speak another language? They learn it from a neck-sucker!
4. Why did the vampire take his car to the mechanic? Because it was staking.
5. What did the interviewer say to the vampire who came in for a job interview? “Your resume was very “spirited,” but we feel you don’t really “fit-in” here.”
6. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
7. What kind of ships do vampires have? Blood vessels.
8. Why don’t vampires use computers? Because they always turn them into Macintoshes.
9. What is Dracula’s favorite fruit? Nec-berries.
10. Why did Dracula go to art school? Because he wanted to learn how to draw blood.
11. What do young vampires call their parents? Ma-n-blood and Pa-n-blood.
12. Why did the vampire have to switch his diet? Because he couldn’t stomach garlic.
13. What does a vampire ring at a dinner party say? “Fang-you very much for having me!”
14. Why did the vampire take up acting? He wanted to star in the next bat-man movie.
15. What’s a vampire’s favorite drink on a long flight? A Bloody Mary.
16. What do you call a group of vampires playing instruments together? A blood quartet.
17. How does a vampire greet his friends? He says, “Hi-deo-ho!”
18. Why do vampires always use cutlery? They’re afraid of biting their fingers off.
19. What did the Italian vampire say to his beloved? Ti amo-tendo.
20. What’s worse than a vampire who can’t control his thirst for blood? A vampire who can’t control his thirst for schnapps.
Suck It Up: Bloody Good Vampire Puns (Double Entendre Style)
1. “Why do vampires prefer red wine? Because they love to ‘sink their teeth’ into a full-bodied drink.”
2. “Did you hear about the vampire that broke up with his girlfriend? He said she wasn’t his ‘type’ anymore.”
3. “Why did the vampire take his girlfriend to the cemetery? So he could ‘dig her’ all night.”
4. “What do you call a bloodsucking vampire that is also a musician? A ‘Vamp-ire’!”
5. Why did the vampire join the gym? So he could get ‘ripped’ of course!”
6. “Why don’t vampires like garlic? It’s like ‘kryptonite’ to them.”
7. “Why did the vampire visit the doctor? He had a ‘stake’ stuck in his heart.”
8. “Why did the vampire refuse to go out in the sun? Because he didn’t want to get a ‘fatal attraction’.”
9. “Why did the vampire move to Hollywood? So he could ‘suck the life’ out of the movie industry.”
10. “What did the vampire say when he bit his own tongue? ‘It tastes like myself’.”
11. “Why did the vampire try to suck the blood out of an iPod? He thought it was an ‘iVampire’.”
12. “Why don’t vampires ever gamble? Because they prefer ‘sucking people dry’ instead.”
13. “What do you call a group of vampires? A ‘fang club’.”
14. “Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? All the human food was ‘a stake too far’.”
15. “What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.”
16. “Why don’t vampires take up knitting? They can’t find a good vein.”
17. “Why did the vampire break up with the ghost? He thought she was ‘transparent’.”
18. “Why don’t vampires have more friends? They’re such ‘blood suckers.'”
19. “Why did the vampire quit his job as a bank teller? All he kept counting were ‘blood deposits.'”
20. “What happens if someone throws a garlic clove at a vampire? A missed ‘steak‘.
Vampin’ Up Idioms: Fang-tastic Vampire Puns
1. When it comes to blood, vampires are real suckers.
2. It’s important for vampires to stay neck and neck with the competition.
3. A smart vampire always knows when to bite the bullet.
4. Dracula couldn’t help but coffin up a lung after an exhausting night.
5. Vampires are known for their bat-itude.
6. You wouldn’t catch a vampire drinking a Bloody Mary.
7. The key to vampires’ success is their garlic-rope-a-dope strategy.
8. It’s important to keep calm and vamp on.
9. A true vampire always stays in vein.
10. You could say that vampires truly have a stake in the game.
11. Vampires always know how to make their mark.
12. When it comes to immortality, vampires have it in the vein.
13. A vampire’s bite is worse than his bark.
14. You never know when a vampire might pop up and give you a bat-slap.
15. The key to a vampire’s success is to always stay on bat-tle alert.
16. There’s nothing more draining than dealing with a vampire’s mood swings.
17. Vampires may seem scary at first, but they always have a bite that’s worse than their bark.
18. A vampire’s favorite alcoholic drink is a Bloody Merlot.
19. Vampires always drink a bloody good cup of tea.
20. Vampires are known for their bat-itudes, but that’s just their vamp-or.
Sinking Your Teeth Into These Fang-tastic Vampire Puns (Pun Juxtaposition)
1. Why did the vampire always cover his mouth when he laughed? Because he didn’t want to be mistaken for a batman.
2. Why do vampires hate garlic? Because they are true vampires and not Italian food!
3. What do you call a vampire who’s been around for a long time? Count Too Many.
4. Why don’t vampires go to the beach on hot days? Because they’d end up getting a third-degree reflection.
5. What does a vampire use to make music? A dreadneck.
6. What do you get when you combine a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
7. Why are vampires always invited to dinner parties? Because they know how to sink their teeth into the conversation.
8. Why did the vampire go to art school? He wanted to brush up on his skills.
9. How do you know if a vampire likes baseball? He turns into a bat and heads for the diamond.
10. Why do vampires make good surgeons? They have great veins!
11. Why don’t vampires play poker? Because they don’t like giving up their tell-tale heart.
12. Why did the vampire get fired from the blood bank? He took a bite out of the profits!
13. What did the vampire say when he saw his reflection? “Now *that’s* a bloodsucker.”
14. Why did the vampire get lost at sea? He couldn’t find his bearings
15. What do you call a group of vampires playing poker? Counters.
16. Why couldn’t the vampire work at a blood donor center? He couldn’t contain his enthusiasm.
17. Why did the vampire go to the dentist? He had a bat tooth.
18. What happens when a vampire goes on a juice cleanse? They wither into shadows of their former selves.
19. What do you get when you cross a dog with a vampire? A bloodhound!
20. What do you call a vampire who’s just learned to fly? A new bat in the sky.
“Staking Claim to Fang-tastic Vampire Puns: A Biting Name Game”
1. Count Quackula
2. Bella Pirelli
3. Draculaula
4. Fangerine
5. Nosferatoast
6. Vlad the Inhaler
7. Bat Mitzvampire
8. Countess Bathory Belle
9. Draculatte
10. Gore-gon Ramsey
11. The Bite Night Show
12. Count Chocula
13. Bite Me Bakery
14. Fang-tastically Fit Gym
15. Anne Rice Cakes
16. Blood Suckers Boutique
17. Vampirina Ballerina
18. The Count of Monte Cristo’s Coffin
19. The Vampire Dentist
20. The Bloody Mary Bar.
Fang-tastic Flipsy-fangs (Spoonerisms on Vampire Puns)
1. “Fangpire Vangs”
2. “Pampire Luns”
3. “Bloodsucking Mite”
4. “Vampire Batsy”
5. “Vampy Hopper”
6. “Gothic Pampire”
7. “Vampire Suckthirst”
8. “Dracula Matula”
9. “Cryptic Rave”
10. “Vampyre Pint”
11. “Biting Nite”
12. “Pampire Lick”
13. “Drac’s Lair”
14. “Nightstalker Talker”
15. “Vampire Dancing”
16. “Batsy Rave”
17. “Bloodsucking Bud”
18. “Vampire Fangtastic”
19. “Pampire Bake”
20. “Dracula Shacula”
Blood-Thirsty Wordplay (Tom Swifties for Vampire Puns)
1. “I can’t decide if I’m scared of vampires,” Tom said spinelessly.
2. “This garlic is really strong,” Tom choked.
3. “I’m going to suck you dry,” the vampire hissed throatily.
4. “I’ll drink the red wine,” Tom said expectantly.
5. I can see in the dark now,” Tom mused fangirlishly.
6. “I can’t stomach this blood,” Tom said with disdain.
7. “She’s quite the seductress,” Tom complimented alluringly.
8. “I’ll never bite you,” the vampire reassured neck-lessly.
9. “These fangs are pretty sharp,” Tom noted pointedly.
10. “I live forever,” the vampire boasted eternally.
11. “Blood is thicker than water,” Tom said kin-ly.
12. “I think I need a coffin to sleep in,” Tom said dead-panned.
13. “I’m immune to sunburn,” the vampire boasted heatlessly.
14. I have a thirst for adventure,” Tom said thirstily.
15. “I didn’t expect vampires to sparkle in the sun,” Tom said brightly.
16. “This garlic is definitely making me break out,” Tom said pimply.
17. “She’s quite hypnotic,” Tom said trance-ly.
18. “I’m always thirsty,” the vampire complained dryly.
19. “I can’t believe I’m hanging out with a vampire,” Tom said bats-eyed.
20. “I’ll have a Bloody Mary, please,” Tom said drinkingly.
Bat-tling with Laughs: Vampire Pun-gency (Oxymoronic Puns)
1. Why did the vampire need mouthwash? So he could get rid of his garlic breath!
2. Why did the vampire become an actor? He wanted to sink his teeth into a good role.
3. I tried to give a vampire a blood transfusion, but he told me that it would go against his principles.
4. Why did the vampire become a butcher? He wanted to stake his claim in the meat industry.
5. What do you call a vampire who can’t stand the sight of blood? A vegetarian vampire.
6. I asked a vampire if he wanted to go on a diet, but he told me that he lived for unhealthy food.
7. What do vampire cows drink? Moo-tant milk!
8. Why did the vampire quit smoking? He decided that sucking on necks was a better way to get his nicotine fix.
9. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of soup? A bowl of O positive!
10. Why did the vegan vampire switch to a plant-based diet? He wanted to avoid all meat contact.
11. Why did the vampire visit the eye doctor? He was having trouble seeing his reflection.
12. What do you call a vampire with a sore throat? A coffin dropper.
13. Why did the vampire open a music store? He wanted to specialize in bat-teries.
14. Why did the vampire quit his job at the blood bank? He wasn’t able to liquidate his assets.
15. Why did the vampire move to France? He wanted to be closer to the neck of the woods.
16. What’s a vampire’s favorite type of pizza? A medium rare steak & garlic pizza.
17. Why did the vampire become a vegan? Because he didn’t want to be accused of being a bat person.
18. Why did the vampire join a judo club? He wanted to get better at necklocks.
19. Why did the vampire go to university? He wanted a degree in blood banking.
20. Why did the vampire open up a frozen yogurt shop? He wanted to give people a taste of his blood-cicles.
Vamping up the Laughs with Recursive Fang-tastic Puns (Recursive Vampire Puns)
1. Why did the vampire get into politics? He wanted to count on the votes.
2. My favorite vampire movie is Interview with a Vampire, Part 2: Interview with a Vampire, Part 3: Interview with a Vampire, Part 4….
3. Why do vampires only drink coffee? Because it’s always dark roast.
4. How many vampires does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer the dark.
5. I’m thinking about becoming a vampire for Halloween, or maybe after Halloween. It’s a bat-tle I’ve been fighting for ages.
6. Do vampires have to file a 1099-BAT form?
7. I told a joke about vampires to Dracula, he took a stab at it.
8. What’s a vampire’s favorite Italian dish? Fettuccine Afraid-o.
9. Vampires who work from home are called- Count Coworkula
10. Why don’t vampires get wrinkles? They always use bat-teries.
11. How does a bat become a vampire? It just has to find its Count Dracula.
12. Did you hear about the vampire who became a private eye? He always had a sharp eye-tooth.
13. I’m trying to quit my vampire pun addiction but I already have a coffin.
14. Did you hear about the vegan vampire? He never got a taste for blood oranges.
15. How does a vampire clean his fangs? With a Drac-Ulta Sonic toothbrush.
16. Why did the vampire get addicted to gambling? Because he loved to raise the stakes.
17. My favorite Twilight character is Count von Count from Sesame Street.
18. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She always wanted him to bite her.
19. How does a vampire start a letter? With a blood red pen.
20. What do you call a group of vampires who start a theater company? Fang Gang Players.
Biting Wit: Fang-tastic Vampire Puns and Clichés
1. I’m a sucker for vampire puns.
2. Why did the vampire quit his job? He wasn’t comfortable with all the stake holders.
3. Why did the vampire run away from the dentist? He heard there would be a lot of fillings.
4. Did you hear about the vampire who joined the army? He was promoted to Colonel Blood.
5. What do you call a vampire who likes candy? Count Snackula.
6. Why don’t vampires use toothpaste? They prefer to use fangs.
7. Vampires may be pale, but they’re always coffin.
8. Why did the vampire musician switch to playing jazz? He heard they had plenty of necks.
9. How do vampires always get their revenge? They plot for months, but always get their point across in the end.
10. What do you call a group of vampires playing poker? A bat-tle royale.
11. Why do vampires have hard times at school? They keep getting called out for sucking blood.
12. What do you call a vampire copy editor? A ghoul teacher.
13. Why did the vampire go on a diet? He wanted a little blood sugar.
14. A vampire walks into a bar and orders a Bloody Mary. Bartender asks, “What’s a Bloody Mary?” Vampire replies, “Well, it’s like a regular Mary, but with V8 juice instead of Red Bull.”
15. I wanted to tell a joke about blood but it’s too vein.
16. Why can’t a vampire ever be convicted of a crime? They always have an alibi…bite-marks on their victim.
17. Why did the vampire quit smoking? Because it was a real pain in the neck.
18. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
19. What’s it like to date a vampire? It has its good points, but it can also be very draining.
20. When vampires go to bed, they turn into bats. I guess that’s what you call sleep hanging.
In conclusion, we hope these 200+ bloody hilarious vampire puns left you howling with laughter. Don’t forget to check out our website for even more puns that are sure to make you smile. Thank you for sinking your teeth into this article, and we appreciate you taking the time to visit our site. Happy punning!
