Get ready to have your spirits lifted and your funny bone tickled with our collection of over 200 hilarious church puns. We’ve got a heavenly lineup of puns that are sure to leave you in splits. From puns about pastors to jokes about pews, you’ll find every pun under the steeple in this divine compilation. Whether you’re a devout churchgoer or just someone in need of a good laugh, these puns will have you saying “holy moly!” in no time. So, make yourself comfortable on the pew and get ready to have a truly pun-derful time. Let the divine laughter begin!
Praise-worthy Puns that will Make Your Sunday (Editors Pick)
1. I heard the church choir started a band, but they didn’t have enough organ donors.
2. The church wanted to raise some funds, so they decided to have a pew-pew tournament.
3. Did you hear about the pastor who kept spilling wine on his clothes? He just couldn’t keep it “saint”ly.
4. The church’s new coffee maker wasn’t working properly, it kept brewing only de-saint.
5. The congregation didn’t want to hear the preacher’s sermon about electricity because they didn’t want to be “shocked” by his words.
6. I joined the church marathon, but I didn’t make it to the finish line because I lost my “soul”-mate.
7. The priest won the baking contest because he kneaded the dough like nobody’s “holy.
8. The church started selling dentures but they couldn’t figure out why they weren’t making “cuspidors” of profits.
9. The church committee organized a barbecue, but they ran out of holy sauce.
10. The preacher got a job at the bakery because he kneaded some “dough” in his life.
11. The church cat decided to leave the choir because it didn’t want to be a “discat”-ple.
12. The pastor got a penalty for using too much inappropriate language–he had a “pew”ty mouth.
13. I saw a priest making a sandwich with holy bread, I guess he wanted to have a “heaven”-ly lunch.
14. The church’s new yoga class didn’t work out because the members couldn’t achieve “seren-ten”.
15. The congregation wanted the bells to “ring” in the new year, but they weren’t “tolerant” enough.
16. The priest started a workout routine to get ripped and shredded, now he’s a “holy-fit” man.
17. The pastor told a joke during the sermon, but it fell flat, he was just trying to “pun”-ctuate the message.
18. The church’s stained-glass windows were replaced with see-through glass because the members wanted to “clear” things up.
19. The preacher dressed up as a vegetable for the harvest festival, he was a “pulpit!
20. The priest won the dance competition because he had “divine” moves.
Praiseworthy Puns (Divinely Funny One-liners)
1. Did you hear about the invention of the mint dispenser at church? It’s called the Altoid offering plate.
2. The pastor was impressed with the choir’s ability to harmonize, but he thought they could use a little more “Psalm-ody.
3. I told my pastor I was going to the beach, and he said, “Remember to wave back to the ‘Good’ Lord!
4. When the pastor hurt his knee during a sermon, everyone offered their “prayer” for a speedy recovery.
5. The church’s new coffee machine is truly a blessing, it brews “heavenly” cups of joe.
6. The pastor’s vacation was blessed because he took a “break” from all the sermons.
7. The church’s choir director always has a “note-worthy” sense of humor.
8. I tried to make a donation, but the church said they could only accept “sins and quarters.”
9. The pastor’s secret talent is juggling, he believes it’s a great way to keep everyone “holy entertained.”
10. The church’s bake sale was a “crust-worthy” event.
11. The new church building was constructed in record time. It was a “revelation” in efficiency.
12. The choir loves to sing at outdoor weddings. They really enjoy “aisle be there” moments.
13. The church’s youth group organized a food drive and collected a “grape” amount of non-perishable items.
14. The congregation was surprised when the pastor started dabbling in pottery. They said, “He’s really shaping up!”
15. During their church retreat, the group took part in a friendly “sinner’s vs. winners” volleyball game.
16. The church janitor said cleaning up after Sunday service is a “sweepstakes” of sorts.
17. The church’s new stained glass window features a beautiful image of Jesus walking on “holy” water.
18. The pastor’s favorite ice cream flavor is “divinity” swirl.
19. The rocks in the church’s garden have their own personalities. They’re all unique and full of “boulder” charm.
20. The church bulletin had a typo, but it turned out to be a “humerus” mistake.
Sermon Smirkers (Question-and-Answer Puns)
1. Why did the church choir have to stop singing? Because they couldn’t find the right “chorus” to continue.
2. What do you get when you cross a church and a bakery? Holy “rolls”!
3. How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
4. Why don’t church pews ever say anything? Because they just sit there and “pray”!
5. What did the priest say to the lemon at church? “Let us ‘pray’!”
6. How do pastors send messages to each other? With “pray”er pigeons!
7. Why did the preacher bring a ladder to church? To reach “higher” levels of enlightenment!
8. How do you access the church’s Wi-Fi? By kneeling and saying “Amen”!
9. Why do churches have carpet flooring? So that people can “feel” closer to heaven!
10. How do you make a holy rock? You take it to church and let it “mass”!
11. Why did the spider attend church? Because it wanted to find a “praying” mantis!
12. What do you call a church that’s underwater? A “sub”-holy place!
13. Why don’t monks ever play hide-and-seek? Because they’re always found in “cloist”!
14. What do you get when you cross a church and a film? A “pray”-viewing experience!
15. Why don’t vampires attend church? Because they already have their “own” mass!
16. How do you make a church laugh? You “preach” them some jokes!
17. What do you call the person who brings the church’s sound system? They are the “amplify”er!
18. Why do church windows never get arrested? Because they’re always saint “glass” citizens!
19. How do you catch a church squirrel? By climbing a “pews” tree and acting like a nut!
20. Why was the church’s refrigerator empty? Because it was ex-“communi”-cated!
Holy Puns and Heavenly Wordplay (Double Entendre Puns)
1. The choir is always in search of new members to hit the high notes.
2. The pastor’s sermons are so powerful, they’ll have you saying, “Amen-azing!”
3. The congregation couldn’t resist the temptation to “lead us not into ‘inattention’.”
4. The church’s bake sale has a “holy rollin'” selection of pastries.
5. The church bell-ringer knows how to “ring-a-ching your heart’s desires.”
6. When it comes to church fashion, the preacher advises, “Choose a good sermon, but also a fancy sermon in clothes.”
7. The Sunday school teacher said, “We believe in the power of puns, let’s bring more ‘parables of laughter’.”
8. “God bless you” and “gesundheit” are the perfect phrases for that divine sneeze.
9. The sermon about forgiveness was so powerful, it really “swept the pews.”
10. The church’s sign said, “Come in and get a holy spirit refill, ‘on the rocks’ or ‘straight up’.
11. The priest said, “Don’t be ‘Mass-uderstood’; come join us for a ‘holy-round’ discussion.”
12. The nun’s singing voice was so beautiful, it had the congregation feeling exor-sister-ted!
13. The pastor’s sermon about relationships had everyone thinking, “Church is the ‘lin-king’ of hearts.”
14. The church’s gardening club loves to dig deep into their faith and soil.
15. When the church secretary organizes events, it’s always a heavenly affair.
16. The church’s potluck dinners are known for their “divine recipe exchanges.”
17. The sermon about money was filled with “pocket-fulls of blessings.”
18. The youth group’s game night was a “holy-rolled” good time.
19. The minister’s joke about the holy cow had the congregation “moo-ing” with laughter.
20. The church’s architectural committee said, “Let’s build a future filled with ‘high spatials,’ not ‘low spirits’.”
Hallelujah High Jinks (Church Puns)
1. I wanted to make a reservation for a pew, but they told me I had to be a pew-tential guest.
2. The church choir got a new member, and boy, she really hit the high no-holy notes.
3. He’s always dropping his Bible, I guess you could say he’s on a holy slippery slope.
4. The sermon was so uplifting, it really had me on cloud B-777.
5. When the preacher’s voice gets too loud, it’s time to turn down for what-understanding.
6. The pastor became a farmer to spread the word of seeds and deeds.
7. Don’t take the stained glass for granite, it’s really something to worship.
8. The congregation was amazed by the pastor’s ability to walk on church aisles.
9. The choir director kissed the bassist goodbye, it was a falling out of harmony.
10. The organist likes to church up a lot of minstrels.
11. The pastor’s wife loves to bake heavenly confections, she’s the Holy Ghostess with the mostest.
12. We wanted to bring cows into the church, but it was a bit of a sanctu-moo-ary request.
13. The altar boys always try to have the last pew at the church lunch.
14. The pastor’s jokes are a cross between hilarious and sacrilegious, he’s a real pun-dit.
15. Is it true that choir singers marry mostly within the same hymn?
16. The preacher is always in a state of “pray-nasium,” constantly exercising his faith.
17. I couldn’t stop laughing during communion, I guess you could say it was a source of eternal laughter.
18. The church decided to renovate and bring in some new disciples, they really wanted to give it a fresh praising.
19. The pastor always says a prayer before he goes to sleep, he never misses a good “nun”ight.
20. The church usher made a mistake and sat a woman in the pastor’s chair, it was a real “pew” ploy.
Hallelujah Hilarity (Church Puns Juxtaposition)
1. The priest got a job at the gardening center because he wanted to leaf the church.
2. The nun became a stand-up comedian because she loved cracking up the audience and breaking habits.
3. The pastor went to the orthopedic clinic because he needed help with his holy-roller skating.
4. The choir members switched to working at the bakery because they wanted to make the bread rise.
5. The priest became an Uber driver because he wanted to spread the “Good Shepherd” message.
6. The church janitor opened a cleaning service because he realized it was time to dust off his old job.
7. The nun started a fashion blog because she knew how to rock the habit.
8. The priest opened a seafood restaurant because he wanted to reel in the churchgoers with his sermons.
9. The church organist became a DJ because he knew how to mix hymns and beats.
10. The pastor started a landscaping business to fulfill his God-given mission of spreading the Good Tidings.
11. The nun became a bartender because she knew how to mix divine cocktails.
12. The priest got a job at the automotive shop because he wanted to deliver sermons on wheels.
13. The choir members became tour guides because they loved harmonizing with sightseeing.
14. The pastor became a personal trainer because he wanted to help people build their spiritual muscles.
15. The church custodian became a hairdresser because she knew how to sweep away bad hair days.
16. The nun started a yoga studio because she believed in finding inner “peas” and seren-“holy” through stretching.
17. The priest opened a brewery because he was determined to create heavenly brews.
18. The choir members became astronauts because they wanted to sing among the stars.
19. The pastor started a pet grooming business because he believed in washing paws and saying “Amen”.
20. The church secretary became a tour guide in Egypt because she knew how to keep things ancient and organized.
Heavenly Humor: Church Puns Extravaganza
1. Pew-licious Church
2. GraceLand Church
3. Holy Guacamole Chapel
4. Divine Intervention Cathedral
5. Sermon-ade Stand
6. Saintly Sweets Bakery
7. Heaven on Earth Brunch & Worship
8. Worshipful Winery
9. Good Sermon Gym
10. Church of the Holy Donut
11. Praise Popcorn Emporium
12. Devotional Desserts
13. Holy Smokes BBQ Joint
14. Blessings Bistro
15. Church of the Holy Mackerel
16. Pray & Play Park
17. Holy Brew Coffeehouse
18. Serene Sanctuary Spa
19. Holy Rollers Skate Center
20. Church of the Holy Matrimony
Holy Wordplay: Punny Pastorals (Spoonerisms)
1. Holy choir -> Choly hoir
2. Pulpit prayer -> Pilpit prauer
3. Bible study -> Stible budy
4. Church service -> Suche cervise
5. Sermon message -> Merman sessage
6. Hymn sheet -> Shymn sheet
7. Communion wine -> Wommunion cine
8. Confessional booth -> Bofessional cooth
9. Church bells -> Birch cells
10. Prayer book -> Brayer pook
11. Sunday school -> Sunda
Punning in Pews (Tom Swifties)
1. “I can’t believe I shook the pastor’s hand,” Tom said churchily.
2. “I hate when the organ plays off-key,” Tom said discordantly.
3. “I couldn’t find my Bible in the pew,” Tom said scripturelessly.
4. “I feel so blessed after singing in the choir,” Tom said harmoniously.
5. “I can’t wait for the potluck,” said Tom with a casserole gleefully.
6. “I pray for forgiveness every Sunday,” Tom said devoutly.
7. “I feel connected to God when I light the candles,” Tom said liturgically.
8. “I always get lost in the church labyrinth,” Tom said mazedly.
9. “I felt heavenly when I heard the choir sing,” Tom said angelically.
10. “I can’t stand when the preacher goes off-topic,” Tom said sermonly.
11. “I always bring my own cushion to church,” Tom said comfortably.
12. “I love the sound of church bells,” Tom said reverently.
13. “I find solace in prayer,” Tom said tranquilly.
14. “I’m going to confession,” Tom said guiltily.
15. “I find the hymns uplifting,” Tom said melodiously.
16. “I’m always early for church,” Tom said punctually.
17. “I love the feeling of holy water on my skin,” Tom said baptismally.
18. I’m going to light a candle for my loved ones,” Tom said memorially.
19. “I always wear my best attire to church,” Tom said fashionably.
20. “I find the church stained glass windows enchanting,” Tom said colorfully.
Divine Wordplay (Oxymoronic Church Puns)
1. Holy water gun
2. Heavenly hangover
3. Reverend rebels
4. Sanctimonious sinner
5. Divine deception
6. Sermon on quicksand
7. Angelic troublemaker
8. Righteous rascal
9. Pious prankster
10. Sinfully virtuous
11. Gospel gossip
12. Devout troublemaker
13. Haloed hellraiser
14. Invincible weakling
15. Heavenly curse words
16. Praying atheist
17. Chaste flirt
18. Saintly thief
19. Heavenly chaos
20. Godly jester
Looping Laughter (Recursive Puns on Church)
1. I told my friend I was going to church because I needed to pray for my puns. He said, “Well, I hope they’re heavenly!”
2. My dad asked me if I knew any church puns. I said, “Of choir-cle I do!”
3. The pastor was talking about investing in the church, and I couldn’t resist shouting, “You could say that’s a holy capital idea!”
4. At our church’s bake sale, I heard someone say, “These desserts are so divine, they’re like holy crepes!”
5. My friend told me he was going to start a church inspired by puns. I said, “That’ll be a pun-derful worship experience!”
6. I once saw a pun competition at my local church, and it was truly a pun-derella story.
7. The church had a sign that said, “Goal: sermon more pun-derful than the last one.” They were really aiming for pun-ishment!
8. While at church, I overheard someone tell the minister, “Your sermons are always scripture with a twist!”
9. The choir agreed to take singing lessons to improve their vocal skills. They said, “We’re committed to harmony, it’s a note-worthy goal!”
10. During a church picnic, someone said, “These sandwiches are so good, they’re like a taste of heaven between two puns!”
11. The priest was known for his clever wordplay during sermons. He really knew how to preach to the pun-verted!
12. On Sunday, our church held a pun-themed costume party. It was a real par-tay on words!
13. I joined the church choir, and one of the members shouted, “Welcome to a life full of pun and hymn!”
14. The minister started using more puns during his sermons, and someone said, “Now those are sermon-ade with a twist!”
15. The church started a punny newsletter, and it quickly became a reveren-dary source of entertainment!
16. The pastor told a pun at the sermon and everyone burst out laughing. It was a real hymn-stopper!
17. At our church gathering, someone joked, “Let’s see who can come up with the most pun-derful prayer.”
18. The church organist played a series of pun-inspired hymns, and everyone said, “That was truly music to our ears!”
19. During church announcements, someone mentioned a pun contest and said, “Prepare for a pun-derful showdown!”
20. After church, someone told the minister, “Your sermons always bring us cloister pun-nections with spirituality!”
Cross Words: Punning through Heavenly Clichés
1. I told my pastor I was feeling ill, and he said, “You better pray it off.”
2. The church choir offered me a solo, but I politely declined because I didn’t want to make a “holy” spectacle of myself.
3. When the organist accidentally played the wrong note during the hymn, the priest said, “That’s what I call a minor sin.”
4. During the sermon, the pastor said, “If you haven’t found Jesus, check behind the pews – he’s always hiding there!”
5. The church needed a new roof, so they organized a “raise the roof” fundraiser.
6. The nun always had the best puns, she was truly a “holy roller.”
7. I tried to tell a joke in church, but the priest said, “Let’s keep it ‘pew’ it.”
8. The church’s charity event was quite successful. They really “heaven-sent” those donations.
9. The bishop often made religious puns, he was known as the “pun-ching bag.
10. The church’s water dispenser broke, and the priest exclaimed, “Looks like we’re in ‘holy’ water now!”
11. When the pastor started talking about St. Peter, one of the church members said, “He must be a great locksmith!”
12. The pastor asked the choir to sing a hymn about bread. They ended up performing a “loaf and behold” masterpiece.
13. The nun said she enjoyed gardening because it was a “divinely rooted” activity.
14. The church’s budget was tight, so they started selling “heavenly discounts.”
15. When the pastor stepped out of the church, he realized he was in a “hallowed out” area.
16. The church members were really committed – they always “crossed that bridge” for the community.
17. The nun couldn’t stop laughing during the sermon, and the priest whispered, “You better ‘nun’sense yourself!”
18. The church’s new sign read, “Need a prayer? We’ve got pew covered.”
19. The pastor was known for his excellent singing voice, often referred to as the “chancellebrity” of the church.
20. When the priest sneezed during the sermon, someone in the congregation said, “God bless you, Father. It must be the ‘sermon-yatta’!”
In conclusion, these church puns have surely brought some heavenly laughter into your day! And this is just the tip of the iceberg. If you’re hungry for more punny goodness, head over to our website for an entire collection of puns that will keep you laughing for days. Thank you for visiting, and may your day be filled with divine laughter!
