Are you truly living if you’re not laughing and sipping on a good drink? With our list of 200+ alcohol puns, you’ll have plenty of material to impress your friends and make them roll their eyes (in a good way). There’s no better way to spice up a conversation over drinks than with some clever wordplay that will make everyone chuckle. From wine to beer to cocktails, we’ve got you covered with witty and creative puns. So let’s raise a glass and cheers to these intoxicating puns that are sure to make your next happy hour even happier.
Drink Up the Fun (Editors Pick)
1. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.”
2. “I didn’t choose the wine life, the wine life chose me.”
3. “I’m a wine-o-saur, I drink until I pass out.”
4. I refuse to believe that alcoholics are always drunk, they can be whiskey-sick too.
5. “I used to be a bartender, but I had to quit. It was just too draining.”
6. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just practicing for the weekend.
7. I love drinking with my friends, it always turns into one gin and jokes session.
8. “I love beer, it’s liquid confidence.”
9. “I have a drinking problem, I can’t afford it anymore.”
10. Rum, the only drink that makes you sound like a pirate.
11. “A toast to bread! Because without it we wouldn’t have beer.”
12. “To beer or not to beer? That is always the question.”
13. “I’m a recovering beer-aholic, and my sponsor says I’m doing brew-tifully.”
14. The best cider is always found at the orchard down the road.
15. “Why do we drink wine? To complain about our problems in a sophisticated way.”
16. “A hangover is just your brain reminding you that you had a great night.”
17. “I never trust people who don’t like wine, they just don’t have good taste.”
18. If you have liver problems, don’t worry. You can always call for a taxi-liver-ry.”
19. Bourbon: it’s liquid sunshine in a bottle.
20. “I love beer so much that I’m willing to hop everything in my life and just focus on brewing it.”
Spirited Shenanigans: The Best Alcohol Puns in One-line Zingers!
1. I’m reading a book about alcoholism. It’s a real page-turner.
2. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just spiritually thirsty.
3. I told my wife that I’m giving up drinking for a month. She said “That’s great! In which month?”
4. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a connoisseur of fine wines.
5. I’m not drunk, I’m just dizzy from all the cheers and toasts.
6. I don’t need alcohol to have a good time, I just prefer it.
7. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis.
8. I just opened a new whiskey bar. It’s a single malt venture.
9. Being sober is such a buzzkill.
10. Why did the bartender break up with the grapefruit? Because she was too sour.
11. I’d sober up if nature wasn’t so full of alcohol.
12. A good martini is like a really good woman. Four you can have, three you can’t.
13. The cheapest form of therapy is a bottle of wine.
14. In college, I majored in beer pong.
15. Life is too short to say no to another round.
16. I drink to make other people interesting.
17. If you can’t drink responsibly, don’t drink at all. Drink irresponsibly instead.
18. I’m not drunk, I’m emotionally eclectic.
19. I’m like a superhero, but instead of saving people, I drink heavily.
20. Vodka may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot.
Buzzed Brain Busters (Question-and-Answer Puns on Alcohol)
1. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because he ran out of juice!
2. Why did the bartender quit his job? Because it was just beer-able.
3. Why did the beer go to the gym? To become a stronger brew.
4. How do you make a gin and tonic laugh? You tonic about its favourite cocktail.
5. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
6. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
7. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
8. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired!
9. Why did the grape go to the doctor? Because it was feeling a little wine.
10. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
11. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
12. What did one vodka bottle say to the other vodka bottle? You’re my shot-mate!
13. Why is it always calm in a distillery? Because they are always in high spirits!
14. What kind of wine do you serve your enemies? Vino of the people!
15. Why did the man put his money into his sock? Because he wanted cold feet!
16. What did one beer bottle say to the other beer bottle? You brew my mind!
17. How do you measure a snake’s favorite drink? in hiss-ky measures!
18. What do you call a man who doesn’t drink beer? A winey!
19. Why don’t fish like alcohol? Because it can make them drunk!
20. How do you make a margarita blush? You put it in a shaker with some ice cubes and a slice of lime and shake it all up.
Tipsy Puns: Pour-Quality Humor (Double Entendre Puns)
1. A drunken horse walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
2. I was going to open a whiskey distillery, but then I realized it was a hard liquor.
3. I wouldn’t let my dog sip on my beer, but I’d let him lap dance.
4. Why did the wine retire early? Because it reached grapeness.
5. I entered six cans of soda into a contest, and one of them won the spirits division.
6. The only thing that makes me drink irresponsibly is responsibility.
7. Did you hear about the bar that opened on the roof of a skyscraper? Yeah, the drinks were high-priced.
8. I can’t handle tequila these days, it must be my agave intolerance.
9. I accidentally ate my Scrabble pieces while drinking wine – only vomited “cab sauv”.
10. Why did the grape break up with the raisin? It just didn’t understand its pas-sin.
11. I went to a liquor store that had a nice scent to it. Turns out they sell perfume too, but I thought that was eau de whiskey.
12. What’s the difference between a dirty martini and a clean martini? A clean martini uses more soap.
13. No matter how much you drink, a hangover is a sobering reminder that water is the best mixer.
14. Champagne is just wine that is tickled.
15. Do you know why I never get too drunk at the beach? Because there is always someone to wine and beach with me.
16. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer it to be from a well-dressed keg.
17. I hate it when people pour me small glasses. I’m not vino drinker.
18. Why did the beer quit his job? He didn’t like the hops.
19. I got rid of all my AA batteries. I’m more of a whiskey on the rocks person.
20. My friend told me that alcohol would be my downfall. I laughed because seriously, who falls when you have a drink in hand?
Tipsy Tongue Twisters (Alcohol Puns in Idioms)
1. “I’m not drunk, I’m just whining about my spirit.”
2. “I was a late bloomer with whiskey on my rocks.”
3. “I’m always in good spirits, unless the spirit goes bad.”
4. “I never trust people who drink their liquor on the rocks, they’re just cold-hearted.”
5. “I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine connoisseur.”
6. My liver hates me, but my friends call me a shot caller.
7. “I don’t always drink, but when I do, I prefer Dos Cervezas.”
8. “I’m not drunk, I’m just wine-ing about my problems.”
9. “I don’t have a drinking problem, except when I can’t find something to drink.”
10. “My friends say I’m a wine-derful person, but I just think they’re juicing me up.”
11. “I hate people who drink alone, they’re just killing time.”
12. “I always drink responsibly, except when I’m irresponsibly drinking.”
13. “I’m a beer drinker, not a quitter.”
14. “I’m not afraid of commitment, I just prefer a bottle over a man.”
15. “I don’t trust alcohol-free drinks, they’re just teetotaling.”
16. I love going out for drinks with my friends, it’s always a shot in the arm.
17. “I never trust people who don’t drink, they’re just stirring the pot.”
18. “I’m not a heavy drinker, I’m just a lightweight with a lot of spirit.”
19. “I always prefer cocktails with a twist, it adds a bit of punch.”
20. “I don’t always drink to excess, but when I do, it’s on purpose.”
A Booze Cruise through Pun Juxtapositions
1. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? It ran out of juice.
2. I drank so much beer last night, I woke up hopsital.
3. Have you heard about the new vodka made from potatoes? It’s a real spudnik.
4. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything, including gin.
5. I’m cutting back on my drinking – I’m going from four bottles of wine a week to three.
6. Why did the whiskey glass go to rehab? It was having too many shots.
7. How do you know if someone’s a wine enthusiast? They don’t whine about anything except the wine.
8. Why was the beer angry? It got maltreated.
9. I don’t always drink, but when I do, I prefer dos cervezas.
10. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
11. I refuse to drink beer until my liver stops soberring.
12. I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
13. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
14. I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine-oholic.
15. Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
16. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m not going sober.
17. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer to dos equis.
18. Why did the bartender break up with the gin? He was tired of all the tonic.
19. What happened to the bartender who broke up with his girlfriend? He dumped her.
20. I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together after a few martinis.
Tipsy Titles (Alcohol Puns)
1. Al the Hop – A fictional character who loves beer.
2. Brews Willis – Reference to actor Bruce Willis
3. Juice Springsteen – Reference to musician Bruce Springsteen
4. Merlot Brando – Reference to actor Marlon Brando
5. Captain Morgan Freeman – Reference to actor Morgan Freeman
6. Chardonnay Kardashian – Reference to reality TV star Kim Kardashian
7. Johnny Whiskey – Reference to actor Johnny Depp
8. Sam Adamsberg – Reference to detective novelist Michael Connelly’s Harry Bosch character
9. Ron Burgundy Wine – Reference to the Anchorman character played by Will Ferrell
10. Katy Perry Champagne – Reference to singer Katy Perry
11. Drunk Hogan – Reference to wrestler Hulk Hogan
12. The Alcoholocaust – A fictional drinking team name
13. Winefly – Reference to the insect “housefly”
14. Patrick Guinness – Reference to St. Patrick and Guinness beer
15. The Red Wine Race – A play on the term “rat race
16. Tequila Mockingbird – Reference to the novel “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee
17. Bacardi Obama – Reference to former US President Barack Obama
18. Whiskey Rivers – Reference to singer Johnny Rivers
19. Bacchanalia Banks – Reference to rapper Azealia Banks
20. The Proseccos – A fictional family name pun on “The Sopranos.
Stirred and Slurred: Spoonerisms with Alcohol Puns
1. Wasted as a skunk.
2. Beer goggles vs. gear boggles.
3. Brewed before noon vs. nude before brew.
4. Soju shots vs. show Jew slots.
5. Whiskey neat vs. nisky wheat.
6. Tequila sunrise vs. tigela surpise.
7. Bartender vs. tart bender.
8. Wining and dining vs. dining and whining.
9. Champagne toast vs. tampane chest.
10. Drunk dial vs. dunk trial.
11. Rum and Coke vs. come and roak.
12. Gin and juice vs. jin and guice.
13. Party animal vs. arty panimal.
14. Vodka tonic vs. tokda vonic.
15. Booze cruise vs. cruise boose.
16. Dirty martini vs. mirty dartini.
17. Hard liquor vs. lard hickor.
18. Hangover cure vs. hankover cure.
19. Bourbon barrel vs. barbon burrel.
20. Corkscrew vs. scorkcrew.
Boozy Blunders (Tom Swifties on Alcohol)
1. “I can’t believe I just spilled my beer,” said Tom, dismally.
2. “I’m feeling a little tipsy already,” said Tom, lightly.
3. “I might have had too much to drink,” said Tom, in high spirits.
4. “I just hit the bottle too hard,” said Tom, glassily.
5. “I’m never mixing my drinks again,” said Tom, distastefully.
6. “I think I’m starting to feel the hangover coming on,” said Tom, soberly.
7. “I can’t drink tequila anymore,” said Tom, agave-ly.
8. “I’m going to get another drink,” said Tom, bar-none.
9. I can’t resist a good craft beer,” said Tom, artfully.
10. “I’ll have a whiskey on the rocks,” said Tom, coolly.
11. “I’m always down for a good brew,” said Tom, hop-efully.
12. “I can’t handle my liquor,” said Tom, feebly.
13. “I think I need a beer to help me think,” said Tom, thoughtfully.
14. “I just took a shot of vodka,” said Tom, stolidly.
15. “I’m going to quit drinking,” said Tom, spirits down.
16. “That was a strong drink,” said Tom, mightily.
17. “I’m not really a fan of wine,” said Tom, corkily.
18. “I can’t drink too much or I’ll regret it,” said Tom, woefully.
19. “I’ll have a martini, shaken not stirred,” said Tom, bond-ishly.
20. “I can’t buy cheap liquor anymore,” said Tom, dis-Tom-fortably.
Tipsy Wordplay: Oxymoronic Alcohol Puns
1. “I’m a responsible drunk.”
2. “I’m trying to cut back on my excessive moderation.”
3. “I’m practicing self-control by getting hammered.”
4. “I’m a responsible alcoholic.”
5. I’m having just one more round of heavy light beer.
6. “I’m trying to sober up by drinking more.”
7. “I’m getting lit by staying sober.”
8. “I’m drinking responsibly by having shots of water.”
9. “I’m practicing good judgment by mixing my poison.”
10. “I’m being responsible by getting irresponsibly drunk.”
11. “I’m avoiding a hangover by drinking until I black out.”
12. “I’m being sensible by drinking irrationally.”
13. “I’m being responsible by drinking irresponsibly.”
14. “I’m drinking smartly by not drinking at all.”
15. “I’m responsibly drunk texting my ex.”
16. “I’m staying sober by drinking until I’m blind drunk.”
17. “I’m responsibly drinking by taking vodka shots before my tequila shots.”
18. “I’m drinking in moderation by drinking my weight in cheap wine.”
19. “I’m a responsible binge drinker.”
20. “I’m drinking responsibly by drinking until I’m irresponsibly drunk.”
Tipsy Wordplay (Recursive Alcohol Puns)
1. Why did the wine bottle break? Because it saw the beer bottle and got jealous of its cap.
2. A whiskey salesman told me about his job, but I didn’t listen because it was just a spirit story.
3. Why did the beer go to the gym? To get a six-pack.
4. A bottle of scotch walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have myself on the rocks.”
5. I used to be a bartender, but I quit because I couldn’t handle the pressure.
6. Why did the grape stop in the road? It ran out of juice.
7. I think I’m alcohol intolerant. Every time I drink, I break out in handcuffs.
8. Beer is like soap. You’re never as clean as you think you are after a few bars.
9. I told a joke about vodka, but it was too distilled for people to get it.
10. I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I drink Dos Equis.
11. Why did the beer feel sad? It got drank too much.
12. Gin is like parents. It’ll always be there when you need to feel better about yourself.
13. I went to a fancy liquor store and asked for whiskey. The clerk said, “We have some that’s aged 15 years.” I said, “I’ll come back when I’m legal.”
14. Only order whiskey if you want to show off your classy side-effects.
15. Why did the wine snob refuse to drink boxed wine? He said it lacked character and was too one-dimensional.
16. I tried to make a rum cake, but I got too drunk and ended up with a sponge cake.
17. Why did the champagne bottle break up with the wine bottle? It said, “I’ve always been sparkling and you’ve never made me fizz like I should.”
18. Whiskey on the rocks is like a cold shower. It’s unpleasant at first, but you get used to it and feel much better afterwards.
19. Why did the beer say “cheers”? Because it saw itself in the mirror and realized how beautiful it looked.
20. I tried to mix vodka and orange juice, but I couldn’t concentrate.
Tipsy Talk: Pouring Out Alcohol Puns (Puns on Cliches)
1. I’m not arguing, I’m just vine-ing.
2. Beer-ly legal.
3. Whiskey business.
4. I’m gin it to win it.
5. Vodka is my spirit animal.
6. Wine not?
7. Tequila mockingbird.
8. Let’s raise the bar.
9. Life is brew-tiful.
10. We go together like rum and coke.
11. Sip happens.
12. I’m on a whiskey diet – I’ve lost three days already.
13. Drink up, buttercup.
14. The bartender said, “Please, no martini jokes.” So there was no gin.
15. Champagne problems.
16. I’ll drink to that!
17. Wine a little, laugh a lot.
18. You’ll never whiskey a sunset.
19. I make pour decisions.
20. Don’t get percolated, drink responsibly.
Bottoms up! With over 200 intoxicating alcohol puns to choose from, you’re sure to find the perfect one to spice up your next spirited conversation. But don’t stop here – check out even more puns and jokes on our website. Thank you for visiting and cheers to a good laugh!
