Are you ready to emancipate your funny bone from the shackles of boredom? Gettysburg ready to giggle, because we’re about to take a pun-derful journey through history with over 200 Abraham Lincoln puns that’ll have you laughing louder than a cannon at a Civil War reenactment! Whether you’re a history buff or just in need of a good chuckle, these perfectly presidential wordplays are just the ticket. So don your top hat, sharpen your wit, and prepare to ‘Four score and seven’ splits from all the laughter. Let’s unite the states of hilarity with our commander-in-cheek humor – it’s time to split logs with laughter with these axe-cellent Abe-isms!
Lincoln Laughs: The Best of Honest Abe Humor (Editor’s Pick)
1. Why did Abraham Lincoln never finish his autobiography? Because he was always in the middle of four scores.
2. How did Lincoln keep his army disciplined? He was always in a cent-tential mood.
3. What do you call it when Abraham Lincoln gets angry? He has a bout of Abe-rage!
4. What’s Lincoln’s favorite type of music? Emanci-pation!
5. Have you seen the movie about Abraham Lincoln’s ghost? It’s a supernatural president-ation.
6. If Lincoln was alive today, he’d be the best at social media. After all, he was always honest on the net.
7. Why did Lincoln never take a break? Because he was always in a Union state of mind!
8. Was Lincoln a high achiever in school? Yes, he was always at the top of the emanci-pation.
9. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the portrait of Lincoln? Because it was too framed to be funny!
10. Who did Lincoln call when he had a ghost problem? The emanci-spook-tors.
11. How does Lincoln speak in a séance? Through medium emanci-pation.
12. Why did Lincoln decide to become a lawyer? Because he wanted to give the courtroom an honest Abe.
13. What did Lincoln say when he walked into a bar? “I’m ready for a Four Score and seven beers ago!”
14. Why was Lincoln a great comedian? He killed it at the theater.
15. What do you call Lincoln when he’s thinking? Abraham Stinkin’!
16. Why couldn’t Lincoln be corrupt? Because he always wanted to laissez-faire!
17. Why did Lincoln never start a band? Because he couldn’t decide on a Gettysburg address.
18. Why was Lincoln never at a loss for words? Because he was the best at delivering the emanci-proclamation.
19. What does Lincoln ware to a hockey game? His top hat-trick!
20. Who did Lincoln vote for in fantasy football? The Rail Splitters!
“Honest Abe-solute Zingers: Lincoln Puns to Emancipate Your Humor”
1. Did you know Lincoln was great at wrestling with debt? He was in the National Debt Hall of Fame.
2. How did Lincoln communicate with his generals? He used his EmanciPager.
3. Why did Lincoln refuse to use counterfeit money? Because he couldn’t tell a lie-cent.
4. How good was Lincoln at hide and seek? He was historically un-find-able!
5. What did Lincoln say to the waiter? “I freed the slaves, but I’m not freeing this bill!”
6. What kind of tea did Lincoln hate? Assassini-tea!
7. What was Lincoln’s favorite dessert? A cherry Gettys-bake.
8. Why did Lincoln always lose at basketball? Because he kept freeing the throws.
9. How did Lincoln overcome obstacles? With civil war-d determination.
10. What’s Lincoln’s favorite vegetable? The emanci-pea.
11. How did Lincoln get rid of a cold? He signed the Illness-cipation Proclamation.
12. What did they call Lincoln’s dog? The federal bark marshal.
13. Why did Lincoln always win at Monopoly? Because he was great at freeing up properties.
14. How did Lincoln like his coffee? Emanci-percolated.
15. Why was Lincoln bad at lying? Because he could never pass a poly-a-be-graph.
16. If Lincoln was a cat, what would he be called? A-bray-ham Linkitty.
17. What’s Lincoln’s favorite exercise? The Gettys-burpee.
18. What was Lincoln’s least favorite play? “Anything with a balcony scene”!
19. Why was Lincoln never confused? He always had a house divided plan.
20. If Lincoln had a talk show, what would it be called? The Late Night Show with Abe Link-on-air.
“Abe-solutely Hilarious Queries!” (Question-and-Answer Puns)
1. Q: What did Lincoln say to his therapist?
A: “I feel emancipated from my issues!”
2. Q: How does Abraham Lincoln keep his hair in place?
A: With a penny for his thoughts and a five dollar bill for his hat!
3. Q: What’s Abraham Lincoln’s favorite fruit?
A: Cherry tree, because honesty is the best policy!
4. Q: Why did Lincoln never finish his dinner?
A: Because he was already stuffed… in the Lincoln Memorial!
5. Q: Why can’t you ask Lincoln for his email?
A: Because he’s a man of few words and no attachments!
6. Q: What’s Lincoln’s least favorite game?
A: Assassins’ Creed!
7. Q: What’s Lincoln’s favorite type of music?
A: Civil War chants, because he’s a fan of “union.”
8. Q: Why is Lincoln bad at basketball?
A: He always dodges the draft!
9. Q: What did Lincoln say when he walked into a bar?
A: “I’m splitting logs, not the Union!”
10. Q: What’s Lincoln’s favorite dessert?
A: Peach emancipation pie!
11. Q: How did Lincoln communicate with his generals?
A: With his Gettysburg address book!
12. Q: What did Lincoln say to the ghost?
A: “Don’t haunt me, I’m not a haunted house!”
13. Q: Why did Lincoln do so well in school?
A: Because he was always four-score and seven years ahead!
14. Q: Why did Lincoln write his speeches in pencil?
A: Because he wanted to erase slavery!
15. Q: What kind of car would Lincoln drive?
A: A Lincoln, of course, because it’s the only car presidential enough!
16. Q: Why did Lincoln dislike jokes about his height?
A: Because they always fell short!
17. Q: Why is Lincoln terrible at hide and seek?
A: Because he always stands out in history!
18. Q: What did Lincoln say to the bartender?
A: “I’ll have an emancipator cocktail, please!”
19. Q: How does Lincoln take his coffee?
A: Freed from sugars and slave to no cream!
20. Q: Why did Lincoln go to the gym?
A: To work on his “presidential” fitness and abolish his abs!
Lincoln Log-ic: Abe-solutely Hilarious Idiom Twists
1. I’m “Lincoln” at you, hoping you’ll get these puns.
2. Don’t worry, I’m all “abe” to make you laugh.
3. With these jokes, I’m definitely not “emancipating” myself from humor.
4. Don’t “axe” me why I find Lincoln so funny.
5. You can trust me, I’m as honest as “Abe”.
6. These puns might be old, but they’ll never be as “four score and seven years” old.
7. If you don’t laugh, I might have to “Gettysburg” you.
8. Are these puns good? “Honest Abe-solutely”!
9. I’m not “rail-splitting” when I say these are the best puns.
10. You must be “Lincoln” twice if you think these puns aren’t great!
11. Go ahead, “top hat” these puns if you can!
12. Trust me, I’m not “Union” around with these jokes.
13. When I tell a bad pun, I can feel the “cabin” pressure.
14. These puns “stovepipe” the competition.
15. I guess you could say I’m an “Illinois” of laughter here.
16. If you don’t like these puns, you must be part of the “opposition party”.
17. With puns this good, I can’t help but feel like a “commander in laugh”.
18. “Ford’s Theatre” wasn’t ready for a performance this funny.
19. I’m not saying I’m Lincoln, but I did grow up in a “log cabin” of comedy.
20. My love for Lincoln puns will never be “assassinated”.
“Hats Off to Lincoln: Punny Encounters With Honest Abe”
1. I told a joke about Honest Abe, it was Lincoln-tastic!
2. I’m reading a book on Abraham Lincoln. It’s bound to be a cent-ennial read!
3. Abe Lincoln was maybe a great wrestler, but in politics, he never took anyone down.
4. I tried to clone Lincoln but found it unethical – I couldn’t make an honest gene out of him.
5. Did you hear about the Lincoln ghost? Haunt-estly, it doesn’t lie.
6. Lincoln jokes are always popular, because just like Honest Abe, they cannot tell a lie.
7. Why did Lincoln never finish his drink? He couldn’t get past the Emanci-pint-ation.
8. Did Lincoln hate winter? Yeah, he could never get into the snow-flakey arguments.
9. What’s Abe’s favorite game? Civil War-craft.
10. Let’s throw a Lincoln party; I’ll bring the four score and seven beers ago.
11. Why is Lincoln horrible at hiding? Because he always stands out in a penny.
12. Did you see the new Lincoln movie? I heard it ended with a bang.
13. Abe’s favorite metal was obviously copper, you know, because of the penny-thought.
14. Why didn’t Lincoln write many checks? Because he believed in Union, not division.
15. What’s Lincoln’s go-to dance move? The emanci-break it down.
16. I had a dream about Lincoln in a tuxedo, it was an Emanci-prom-tation.
17. Abe said go north, but that just polar-ized the country.
18. Was Lincoln a good cook? Well, he could definitely whip up a re-union.
19. Why did Lincoln dislike golf? Too many divi-sion traps!
20. How does Lincoln keep his documents safe? By using his Cabinet, of course!
“Honest Abe-solutely Hilarious Puns!”
1. Abra-ham Lincoln – for a ham-focused deli.
2. Linkin’ Logs – for a toy store specializing in building toys.
3. Emanci-Potion Proclamation – for a specialty cocktail bar.
4. Four Score and Seven Beers Ago – for a historic-themed pub.
5. Abe Drinkin’ – for a bar that offers presidential trivia nights.
6. The Stovepipe Hat Stack – for a pancake house.
7. Lincoln’s Inn-k – for a stationary store or a quaint B&B.
8. The Gettysburger Address – for a burger joint.
9. Penny for Your Thots – a Lincoln-themed dating service.
10. Civil Wares – for a vintage or antiques shop.
11. Honest Ale’s Brewery – for a craft beer spot.
12. Union Savings and Loan – for a financial institution.
13. Rail Splitter Carpentry – for a woodworking business.
14. LinClone Lab – for a genetics or biotech startup.
15. Abe’s Babes Childcare – for a daycare center.
16. Top Hat Tutors – for an educational service.
17. Liberty Loot – for a coin collector’s shop.
18. Fords’ Theater Film Fest – for a historic movie venue.
19. Habeas Porpoise – for a maritime law firm.
20. Abe’s Razor – for a barbershop.
Twisted Tales of Lincoln Logs (Spoonerism Spree)
1. Lead of State
2. Slave’s Shaver
3. Froth with Danger
4. Penning the Emancipation Croc-Ramation
5. Hattie’s Burg Address
6. Gally Gettysburg
7. Abe’s Rail Lit
8. Stonest Abe
9. Kindest Four and Stevie Beers
10. The SIVIL War
11. Link a Chain of Ham
12. Folds the Nation
13. Stove for Pate
14. Sayers to Slayers
15. Height House
16. Four Ore and Scaven Beers
17. Slave’s Shave Gratitude
18. Kincolated Atonomy
19. Maul Hat the Bean
20. Livin’ in a Sog Cabin
“Honest Puns and Swifties: Lincoln-Style Witticisms”
1. “I’ll abolish slavery,” said Lincoln earnestly.
2. “I keep all my speeches in this hat,” said Lincoln candidly.
3. “Let’s go to the theater,” said Lincoln, playfully.
4. “I’m growing a beard,” said Lincoln, fuzzily.
5. “The Union must be preserved,” said Lincoln, unitedly.
6. “I’m quite tall,” said Lincoln, loftily.
7. “I need a new tailor,” said Lincoln, seamlessly.
8. “I dislike secession,” said Lincoln, divisively.
9. “I believe in equality,” said Lincoln, fairly.
10. “I’m not a fan of duels,” said Lincoln, pointedly.
11. “I’m preparing for the Gettysburg address,” said Lincoln, shortly.
12. “Let’s start a National Bank,” said Lincoln, economically.
13. “I’m signing the Emancipation Proclamation,” said Lincoln, freely.
14. “I’ve got my eye on General Grant,” said Lincoln, soberly.
15. “I’m feeling quite presidential today,” said Lincoln, executively.
16. “That’s a good Civil War strategy,” said Lincoln, tactically.
17. “I never lie,” said Lincoln, honestly.
18. “I’ll form a cabinet of rivals,” said Lincoln, collectively.
19. “I’m from Illinois,” said Lincoln, statelily.
20. “I’m writing my inaugural address,” said Lincoln, draftily.
“Honest Abe’s Punny Paradoxes: Lincoln Like You’ve Never Heard Before!”
1. “Honest Abe’s ‘Deceptive Truths’ Speech: Now that’s something you can lie about!”
2. “Lincoln’s ‘Static Motion’ at Gettysburg: Standing still for progress!”
3. “Abe’s ‘Silent Shout’ for Freedom: Hear the quiet roar!”
4. “Abraham’s ‘Civilized Warfare’: Fought kindly with cannons!”
5. “Lincoln’s ‘Dark Illumination’ on policy: Enlightening shadows in history!”
6. “The ‘Jumbo Shrimp’ of the 1860s: Honest Abe’s huge small impact!”
7. “Abe’s ‘Act Naturally’ in politics: Genuine fakery at its best!”
8. “Lincoln: Master of ‘Awfully Good’ leadership during awful times.”
9. “The ‘Seriously Funny’ side of Abe: Split rails and rib-sides!”
10. “Abe’s ‘Found Missing’ historical presence: Lost in time, but everywhere!”
11. “The ‘Clearly Confusing’ Emancipation Proclamation: Freed but bound to history!”
12. “Abe’s ‘Open Secret’ tactics during the War: Covertly overt operations!”
13. “Lincoln’s ‘Definitely Maybe’ answers to tough questions: Politically indecisive decisiveness!”
14. “The ‘Random Order’ of Abe’s thoughts: Organized chaos in a stovepipe hat!”
15. “Honest Abe’s ‘Original Copies’ of speeches: Authentic replicas for all!”
16. “Abe’s ‘Same Difference’ approach to Union and Confederacy: Identically oppositional!”
17. “Lincoln’s ‘Living Dead’ legacy: Forever remembered in silent stone!”
18. “The ‘Pretty Ugly’ truth of politics: Honest Abe’s attractive contradictions!”
19. “Lincoln’s ‘Acting Naturally’ on stage: A president’s performance of authenticity!”
20. “Abe’s ‘Only Choice’ election: Unopposed opposer in the Oval Office!”
“Emancipation Proclamutation: The Endless Loop of Lincoln Laughs”
1. Did you hear about Lincoln being good at math? He was a real ‘Four-scorer’.
2. And since he always excelled, he consistently ‘four-scored’ points above his classmates.
3. Abraham Lincoln probably hated expensive coffee; he couldn’t stand the ‘Lincoln Continental’ breakfast prices.
4. In fact, he’d leave a ‘penny’ for his thoughts on how overpriced everything was at those breakfasts.
5. Speaking of money, Lincoln was honest but not frugal; he wasn’t about to ‘change’ his spending habits.
6. Ironically, though, he’s still causing ‘change’ today; his face is all over the pennies we use.
7. They say Lincoln was tall, but at parties, he didn’t ‘stand out’ – he was too busy sitting in his ‘log cabin’.
8. And, in that cabin, he’d never ‘log’ off; he was always splitting time between work and leisure.
9. When asked about his favorite animal, Lincoln said, “A panda.” He liked them ‘bear-y’ much because they’re so civil.
10. Plus, he could relate to their eating habits – they always ’emancipate’ their food from bamboo stocks.
11. But when it came to music, Lincoln was more of a ‘rock’ president; after all, his favorite monument is “Mount Rush-more”.
12. Yet he admitted that ‘hard rock’ wasn’t as smooth as his favorite style, the ‘Underground Rail-Road’.
13. For sports, Lincoln loved wrestling with problems, which made him a ‘Union’ of mental and physical strength.
14. In fact, he ‘wrestled away’ from the division and tried ‘reconstructing’ the nation with every ‘match’.
15. Lincoln always said, “Don’t believe everything you read on the internet,” showing he was ‘net’ the kind of guy to fall for falsehoods.
16. And whenever he did a web search, he would use ‘Ask Gettysburg’ because he loved historically accurate answers.
17. Concerning fashion, he never took a ‘stovepipe’ stand; his hat choice was top-notch, and it wasn’t a ‘hat-ty’ decision.
18. To top it off, he really ‘capped’ his style with the hat, which became an ‘address’ for his thoughts.
19. When it came to food, Lincoln was not a fan of southern ‘slaw-very’ – he preferred ‘free’ range chicken.
20. But he would always ‘secede’ the table without dessert, because he was ‘union’ diet and couldn’t ‘dessert’ his principles.
“Hat’s Off to Honest Puns: Lincoln-Laced Clichés”
1. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. Lincoln say it’s impossible to put down.
2. Don’t trust atoms, Lincoln tells me they make up everything, even the Civil War.
3. A penny saved is a penny earned, but with Lincoln, it’s just common cents.
4. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough. Lincoln kneads more than that.
5. I wanted to learn to drive a stick shift, but I just couldn’t clutch the concept, unlike Lincoln, who was very clutch in Gettysburg.
6. I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why, and Lincoln doesn’t know eithe-er.
7. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. Lincoln would have appealed to both.
8. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. Lincoln never addressed a nation with one.
9. A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two-tired, much like Lincoln after a long day at the office.
10. When the window fell into the incinerator, it was a pane in the ash to retrieve, said Lincoln.
11. A boiled egg every morning is hard to beat, but not as hard as preserving a union, notes Lincoln.
12. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. Lincoln can’t put it down, because that’s where he sticks to history.
13. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised, and so did the statue of Lincoln.
14. I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it, and Lincoln saw a divided nation and he united it.
15. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed, something Lincoln wouldn’t want for the nation.
16. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction, unlike Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation.
17. I had a dream about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea, quite different from Lincoln’s visionary dreams.
18. I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats. Lincoln took no breaks saving the Union.
19. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet, unlike a house divided which Lincoln brought together.
20. I’m no photographer, but I can picture us together, something Lincoln envisioned for the North and South.
And there you have it, folks—the ultimate collection of over 200 Abraham Lincoln puns that are sure to emancipate your funny bone! We hope you found our puns to be a real ‘union’ of wit and humor, fit for both the log cabin and the White House. If you had a ‘Gettysburg’ amount of fun, then don’t let the merriment end here!
We’ve got a whole treasury of puns and jokes on every topic under the sun waiting for you on our website. Whether you’re looking to branch out into other historical figures or just want to leaf through some general wordplay, we’ve got enough material to keep you chuckling faster than you can say ‘Four score and seven years ago.’
Thanks for chopping by and sharing a laugh with us today. We’re ever so grateful for your compan-ion-ship and hope you’ll return in the near-future for your next dose of hilarity. Keep the log fires of laughter burning, and feel free to share our puns with fellow jesters in your life. Until next time, remember: a pun a day keeps the doldrums away!
