Get ready to count on laughter with our unbeatable collection of over 200 number puns! Whether you love math or simply enjoy a good joke, these puns are sure to add a little humor to your day. From clever wordplay to silly one-liners, we’ve gathered the best of the best when it comes to number puns. So sit back, relax, and get ready to laugh your way through some hilarious numerical nonsense. Whether you’re a teacher looking for some classroom humor or just need a good chuckle, we’ve got you covered with this comprehensive list of number puns. So what are you waiting for? Let’s start counting down to hilarity!
“Punny Business: Our Top Number Puns” (Editors Pick)
1. I’m reading a book on the history of numbers. I’m finding the pages unputdownable.
2. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
3. Why do math teachers love parks? Because of all the natural log benches.
4. I used to hate math. But then I realized decimals have a point.
5. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
6. What do you call someone who can’t multiply or divide? A math-illiterate.
7. I tried to make a mathematical pun, but all my jokes are derivative.
8. I’m not a wizard at math, but I’m pretty good at number-jerking.
9. Have you been working out? You’re really prime.
10. All these chemistry jokes, not a single reaction. At least math jokes get a few laughs.
11. Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems!
12. I’m not great at math, but I heard 5 out of 4 people struggle with fractions.
13. A math teacher never has any problems. They just have steps to a solution.
14. What do you call the daughter of a math teacher? A poly-dough-ter.
15. I once heard twin mathematicians were born, but one was subtracted.
16. I wish I was a derivative so I could be tangent to your curves.
17. The number 8 is so two-faced, it’s an octagon!
18. Who was the roundest knight at King Arthur’s table? Sir Cumference.
19. What’s a mathematician’s favorite instrument? A graphing calculator.
20. Why did the math teacher go to the beach? To experience some tan-gent!
Numbers Never Lie: Numerical Nods (One-liner Puns)
1. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine!
2. I’m terrible at math, but even I know 0 divided by 8 equals zeroate!
3. What did one math book say to the other? I’ve got problems.
4. I’d explain this joke about the number two, but it’s a little bit too-dense-ifying.
5. What do you call an empty can of soda? Pop.
6. Why didn’t the number 4 go to the party? Because it was 2 squared.
7. Why did the number 7 eat 9? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day.
8. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven is a registered six offender.
9. I have a million random digits memorized… but unfortunately they’re not in the right order.
10. What should you do if you see a number you don’t recognize? Call the num-brrrrrrrrr.
11. Seven heard five and six were quarantining together. They were 11!
12. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
13. How can you tell if a math teacher is hungry? They’ll count on their fingers.
14. Why don’t mathematicians use the number 7? Because it’s said to be the root of all evil.
15. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s constipated? He worked it out with a pencil and paper.
16. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
17. Why do mathematicians love Pi Day? Because it’s 3.14.
18. Why do cows love calculus? Because it helps them with their moosic.
19. What did zero say to 8? Nice belt.
20. I went to the bank to deposit eight cents and the teller said, “Oh, a penny for your thoughts.”
Bye-Five Brain Twisters (Question-and-Answer Puns on Number Puns)
1. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
2. Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
3. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt.
4. Why was six scared of seven? Because seven eight nine.
5. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
6. Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.
7. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
8. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
9. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
10. What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear.
11. Why do birds fly south for the winter? Because it’s too far to walk.
12. What type of music do balloons hate? Pop music.
13. Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.
14. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
15. Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little antybodies.
16. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
18. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.
19. What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.
20. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Punning with Numbers: Countless Double Entendres
1. I love telling math jokes, they always count.
2. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
3. Don’t trust atoms, they make up everything.
4. Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
5. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
6. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
7. Why was the musician arrested? He was caught fingering A minor.
8. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
9. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s Round Table was Sir Cumference.
10. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
11. I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I can’t seem to put it down.
12. A man got hit in the head with a can of diet coke. Luckily, it was a soft drink.
13. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
14. Why was the belt arrested? For holding up pants without a permit.
15. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
16. I’m a big fan of whiteboards. They’re re-markable.
17. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
18. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
19. I used to play piano by ear. Now I use both hands.
20. Why did the math teacher break up with the algebra teacher? Because the algebra teacher thought she was too irrational.
Num-bearable Wordplay (Number Puns in Idioms)
1. You’re really pushing my buttons!
2. Let’s cut to the chase.
3. Don’t count your chickens before they’ve hatched.
4. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
5. I’m feeling a little off the wall today.
6. Let’s get this show on the road.
7. He’s a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
8. She’s off the hook.
9. This is the whole enchilada.
10. He’s a little slow on the uptake.
11. I’m not buying what you’re selling.
12. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
13. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.
14. I’m in a pickle.
15. That’s a piece of cake!
16. Let’s get down to brass tacks.
17. I’m starting to feel like a broken record.
18. You’re pulling my leg.
19. Don’t rock the boat.
20. It’s time to face the music.
“Count on a Laugh: Number Puns One Step Ahead (Pun Juxtaposition)”
1. I’m not great with numbers, but I imagine teaching math is pretty pointless.
2. I don’t trust people who use Roman numerals. They’re definitely a little X-rated.
3. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
4. I don’t believe in numerology, but I’m sure there’s something odd going on.
5. I’m terrible at math, but I’m pretty good at subtraction. I just need to divide and conquer.
6. I just fell down a flight of numbers. Now I’m at my wits’ end.
7. I can’t do math without a calculator. But I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it eventually.
8. I never believed in the number seven until I got married. Now I understand why it’s called lucky.
9. I’m learning to count in Spanish. Soon, I’ll know dos, tres, cuatro, cinco puns.
10. Don’t ever trust someone who can’t count. You’ll be doing it, uno, dos, tres, four, five times over.
11. Statisticians have way too much data to sort through. I heard they’re really going through a lot of variables.
12. I tried to count my blessings, but I lost track after one. Maybe I need to multiply them.
13. I’m thinking of starting a new type of math – “pie” charts. It’s where I just talk about my favorite desserts.
14. I love doing math problems – they’re my division of labor.
15. Calculators are nice, but I prefer to do all my calculations in my head. It’s the square root of the problem.
16. I met a mathematician who was trying to solve a Rubik’s cube. He’s got a lot of complex variables.
17. I hate math problems that involve fractions. They just don’t add up.
18. Multitasking is hard. I can barely do one thing at a time, let alone sum.
19. I went to school for math, but it was just too divided-oxidizing.
20. Math teachers never use graph paper. They prefer logarithmic paper because they can just go with the flow.
Count on the Laughs (Number Puns in Names)
1. Count Dracula – “I vant to suck your blood, and subtract your count!”
2. Tony Stark – “He’s a hero by any measure!”
3. Sofia Vergara – “She’s a perfect ten, but also a prime catch!”
4. Tim Burton – “He’s a master of ‘odd numbers’.”
5. Oprah Winfrey – “She’s worth billions, or should I say ‘multimillion’?”
6. Peter Parker – “He’s a natural addition to any superhero team!
7. Ellen DeGeneres – “She knows how to divide and conquer in comedy!”
8. Dr. Seuss – “He’s the one who taught us how to count and rhyme!”
9. Steven Spielberg – “He’s a director who always knows ‘what’s at stake’!”
10. Will Smith – “He’s the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but also a fresh ‘equals’ sign
11. Alex Trebek – “He’s the host who always had the right answer!”
12. Eddie Murphy – “He’s comedy’s ‘odd-man out’, but also a perfect ‘square’!”
13. Mark Zuckerberg – “He’s the man who made Facebook a billion ‘digits’ worth!”
14. Katy Perry – “She’s the pop star who knows how to multiply ‘hits’
15. Bill Nye – “He’s the science guy who knows ‘everything in its metric place’
16. Guy Fieri – “He’s the chef who always knows the ‘right recipe’ for a good time”
17. Tina Fey – “She’s the comedy writer who knows how to make every joke ‘add up'”
18. Neil Armstrong – “He’s the astronaut who made the first ‘landing’ on the moon!
19. Rachel Ray – “She’s the chef who knows how to make ‘mathematics’ with food!”
20. PewDiePie – “He’s the YouTuber who has made more views than we can count!”
Num-ber-rific Nonsense (Spoonerisms)
1. Club sandwich = Sub clandwich
2. Watch the match = Match the watch
3. Game over = Over game
4. Cream cheese = Ceam Rease
5. Prime number = Nime Prumber
6. Perfect ten = Tecter fen
7. Counting sheep = Shouting keep
8. Square root = Ruare sqoot
9. Binary code = Conary bode
10. Multiplication table = Tabtiplication mulle
11. Fibonacci sequence = Secoquency fiboncci
12. Digital clock = Cigital dlock
13. Roman numerals = Noman rumeries
14. Integers and fractions = Frantegers and theactions
15. Decimal places = Pecal daces
16. Addition problem = Prodition addlem
17. Fractional powers = Pactional fowers
18. Imaginary numbers = Nagineary imbers
19. Mathematical equations = Equathematical mainions
20. Probability theory = Thobability pheory
Number Nonsense: Tom Swifties’ Punny Play on Digits
1. “I always use a calculator,” said Tom numbly.
2. “Math class is easy,” Tom subtracted.
3. “Pi is my favorite dessert,” Tom said irrationally.
4. “I’m terrible at counting,” Tom said with zero confidence.
5. “I’m not great at math,” Tom divided.
6. “Count me in,” Tom added.
7. “I never remember numbers,” Tom admitted fractionally.
8. “I’m not good with large numbers,” Tom said grandly.
9. “I always come in first place,” Tom boasted exponentially.
10. “I hate uneven numbers,” Tom said odd-ly.
11. “I’m as good as a calculator,” Tom said evenly.
12. “I’m a fan of prime numbers,” Tom said with a divided opinion.
13. “I don’t understand decimals,” Tom said pointlessly.
14. “I never forget numbers,” Tom counted.
15. “I hate odd numbers,” Tom said without exception.
16. “I have an irrational fear of fractions,” Tom said improperly.
17. I love geometry,” Tom said with angles.
18. “I can read barcodes,” Tom said in lines.
19. I’m not good at statistics,” Tom said truthfully.
20. “I hate negative numbers,” Tom said positively.
Contradictory Counting Quips (Oxymoronic Puns)
1. I can’t count on my fingers anymore, I’ve run out of digits.
2. “Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.”
3. “I’m not a fan of negative numbers, they just bring me down.”
4. “I’m terrible at math, but I’m exponentially improving.”
5. “I was going to tell you a Fibonacci joke, but it’s too complex and repetitive.”
6. “Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.”
7. “I’m not great at math puns, but I think this one sums it up.”
8. I’m not sure what’s higher, my IQ or the number of dad jokes I have.
9. “Numbers and I just don’t add up.”
10. “I was going to make a pi pun, but it was irrational.”
11. “I tried to do my math homework with invisible ink, but I think there’s a solution to that problem.”
12. “I got into a fight with a decimal, it didn’t change anything.”
13. “I wish I had a dollar for every math problem I’ve solved. Oh wait, I do.”
14. “I can’t seem to find the square root of negative one. I guess it’s just imaginary.”
15. “I hate fractions… they’re always trying to divide us.”
16. “I don’t trust atoms, I heard they make up everything.”
17. “I’m thinking of becoming a math teacher, but I’m still trying to figure out the angles.”
18. “I told my math professor I had a fear of negative numbers. He said I had some issues.”
19. “I heard math jokes are the first sine of madness.”
20. “Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems. Get it?”
Number-Crunching Fun (Recursive Number Puns)
1. I’m reading a book on the history of glue – I just can’t put it down!
2. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.
3. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
4. I’m reading a book on teleportation – it’s bound to take me places.
5. I’m reading a book on gravity – it’s a weighty subject.
6. I told my wife she was shoveling snow wrong. She told me to mind my own glaciers.
7. I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
8. I told my wife she was using too much glue. She told me to mend my own business.
9. I’m reading a book on the history of the calendar – it’s about time.
10. I told my wife she was putting too much mustard on her sandwich. She said I’m not her condiment.
11. I’m reading a book on submarines – it’s underwhelming.
12. I told my wife she was cooking her steak too long. She told me to grill with it.
13. I’m reading a book on the human eye – it’s an eye-opening experience.
14. I told my wife she should do some push-ups. She said, “No, I can’t push my-self that hard.”
15. I’m reading a book on the dangers of overthinking. It’s mind-boggling.
16. I told my wife she was wearing too much make-up. She said, “I can’t make up my mind.”
17. I’m reading a book on falling down a flight of stairs – it’s step-by-step.
18. I told my wife she was boiling the water too much. She said, “I’m just trying to birch my kids a lesson.
19. I’m reading a book on chemistry. I love the chemistry between me and my book.
20. I told my wife she was yelling too much. She said, “I’m just trying to make sure you ear me.”
Counting on Some Clever Cliché Wordplay (Puns on Number Puns)
1. I’m a math teacher, I’m always counting on my fingers.
2. You know what a mathematician’s favorite lunch is? Number-croni and cheese.
3. I’ve got a lot of calculators, but they only calculate 0’s and 1’s; they’re binary-lators.
4. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
5. How do you know if a number is even? It always goes home at 2:00 AM.
6. I wanted to tell you a joke about integers, but really, there’s no point.
7. Why did the mathematician get a job as a freelance carpenter? He knew how to square board.
8. What did the math book say to the other math book? I’ve got bigger problems than you.
9. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned in a river? It was three feet deep on average.
10. I can divide a cake into zero pieces.. but what’s the point?
11. Zero is such an odd number.. it’s neither positive nor negative.
12. What do you call multiples of 2? Two-nies.
13. I know a really complicated math word.. it’s “algebraic”.
14. Why did the math teacher faint? She saw pi swimming in the ocean and thought it was irrational.
15. Have you heard the one about the mathematician who was scared of negative numbers? He’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
16. Did you know that the first math problem was said to be invented by math teachers? It was a-summing question.
17. I’m no math genius, but I know that 6 and 7 is 13 or 67 or 76.
18. What do you call an angle that is equal to 90 degrees? A right answer.
19. My math tutor asked me to calculate 11% of 73. I told her it was definitely between 0 and 73.
20. Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? Because it’s two-tired.
In conclusion, puns are more than just a clever play on words—they have the power to make us laugh, brighten our day, and even turn our frowns upside down. With this unbeatable collection of 200+ number puns, we hope we’ve done just that. But why stop here? Our website is home to countless other puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone and keep you entertained for hours on end. So go ahead, explore, and thank you for visiting!
