Looking for some laughs? Look no further, because we’ve got 200+ lactose puns that are udderly hilarious! Dairy funny and sure to make you smile, these jokes are perfect for sharing with friends or family. Whether you’re a milk lover or just enjoy some cheesy humor, we’ve got you covered. From milkshake puns to jokes about cheese, there’s something for everyone in this collection. So sit back, pour yourself a glass of milk, and get ready to moo-ve with laughter. Let’s milk these puns for all they’re worth!
Got Milk? More like “Got Jokes” (Editors Pick)
1. What did the lactose say to the dairy farmer? “I’m milk-ing it!”
2. Why did the lactose go to the doctor? It was feeling whey-sick.
3. Why do cows wear bells? To help with their dairy function!
4. What do you call a dairy cow that’s on a diet? An udder failure.
5. How does a dairy farmer greet people? “Have a moo-nificent day!”
6. Why did the lactose go on a date with a farmer? For some pasture time.
7. Did you hear about the cow that tried to jump over the moon? She udderly failed.
8. What do you call a cow that plays the piano? A moo-sician.
9. Why did the lactose organize a protest? It wanted milk rights!
10. Why did the dairy farmer decide to study history? To learn about the past-your-eyes method!
11. Why do cows have to wear sunglasses? Because they udderly love dairy products!
12. Why was the lactose afraid of getting involved with a dairy cow? He heard it was a moooo-ving experience.
13. Did you hear about the lactose who tried to rob a dairy farm? He got caught because he left a milk trail.
14. Why was the lactose not allowed to park at the dairy processing plant? No curds allowed!
15. What do you call a cow that’s good at math? A calculator!
16. Why did the dairy farmer quit his job? Because he felt it was pail-ing in comparison to his dreams.
17. What did one cow say to the other? “I’m so udderly bored!”
18. Why did the lactose break up with the dairy farmer? There were too many dairy-aires.
19. What does a dairy cow wear to a formal event? A tuxi-moo!
20. What do you call a cow without any legs? Ground beef.
Milky Jokes (Lactose Puns Galore!)
1. Did you hear about the lactose intolerant cow? It was milked for all it was worth.
2. I always tell my lactose intolerant friend to stop being so cheesy.
3. I can’t have dairy, but you butter believe I still love ice cream.
4. Lactose intolerant ghosts can’t handle any milk with their Boo-Berry cereal.
5. I told my wife she was addicted to lactose. She said it wasn’t a cheese but a dairy matter.
6. The lactose in milk is pretty impressive if you think about it, it has a lot of pull.
7. I couldn’t take my eyes off the lactose intolerant cheese making workshop. It was so queso-matic.
8. If you’re lactose intolerant, don’t expect to find any milk in Al Pacino’s coffee.
9. Lactose intolerant aliens use milk from Uranus.
10. The lactose intolerant politician was protesting the dairy party.
11. Why did the lactose intolerant cat refuse to drink milk? It knew it didn’t have a lot to lactose.
12. If you’re lactose intolerant and want a drink of milk, cownt on it.
13. The lactose intolerant comedian almost choked on his milk, but he managed to milk the audience for some laughs instead.
14. What do you call a lactose intolerant athlete? A milk runner.
15. The lactose intolerant baker always makes his cakes with Almond dairy.
16. The lactose intolerant musician plays the jazz flute. He calls it lactose flauting.
17. Lactose intolerant people need milk substitutes, that’s why they use milkeo.
18. The lactose intolerant journalist was forced to write dairy-free articles.
19. What do you get when lactose intolerant cows sneak out of the barn? A milk curfew.
20. The lactose intolerant chef always makes his sauces with Wok Soy instead of cream.
Dairy Delighters (Question-and-Answer Puns on Lactose)
1. What do you call a cow that has just given birth? De-brie-f.
2. Did you hear the one about the lactose intolerant ghost? He went around moaning “ooohhh, I can’t have any boo-dairy!”
3. Why did the cheese get in trouble? It was curd-ling too much.
4. What’s a cow’s favorite place to go to in school? The Moooo-seum.
5. What do you call someone who is only capable of eating cheese? An edamame.
6. Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
7. What did the cow say when he sat on an onion? A very tear-able joke.
8. How do cows do maths? With a cow-culator.
9. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
10. What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.
11. What do you call a cat that loves to eat cheese? A cheesecake.
12. Why was the milkman scared? Because he heard someone scream “Hold the cheeses!”
13. What do you call a mullet-style haircut on a cow? Business on top, pasture in the back.
14. What is a milkman’s favorite sport? Dairy-airing.
15. Why don’t cows get jealous? Because they’re udderly confident.
16. How do you confuse a dairy farmer? You ask him to milk some Almonds.
17. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
18. What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? “Halloumi”
19. Why did the cheese keep talking to itself? Because it was feeling bleu.
20. Did you hear the one about the cow that played an instrument? It was a moo-sical genius!
Got Milked: Double Entendre Lactose Puns
1. I tried to make cheese from lactose-free milk, but it didn’t curdle. It lactaid low quality.
2. Don’t trust a dairy farmer with a lactose-intolerant cow. They’re udderly unreliable.
3. Trying to quit dairy is a real milk-stone. It takes a lot of calcium.
4. If you’re on a date and they say they’re lactose intolerant, it might be a cheesy pickup line.
5. “You’re the cheese to my macaroni” takes on a whole new meaning when you’re lactose intolerant.
6. Some people say lactose-free milk tastes funny, but I think it’s a-moo-sing.
7. Drinking milk with a lactose intolerance is like Russian roulette with a dairy cow.
8. Being lactose intolerant isn’t a big dairy-l, as long as you find alternatives.
9. Can’t have dairy on your cereal? Don’t have a cow.
10. Lactose intolerant people don’t have to miss out on milkshakes – they just have to be real soy-savvy.
11. Lactose-free products can be pricier, but they come with a real milkage.
12. I told my friend I was only going to eat dairy-free cheese from now on, and they said “That’s non-briesense.”
13. If Ben & Jerry’s made a lactose-free ice cream, it would be a real milkshake-up.
14. Lactose-free milk may be safe, but it’s just not pasteurized.
15. If you can’t have dairy, don’t expect to get your calcium from a cheesy pick-up line.
16. Can you date someone who can’t have lactose? It all depends on the dairy-tionship.
17. Ordering pizza without cheese is like being lactose intolerant at a wine and cheese party.
18. Just because you’re lactose intolerant doesn’t mean you’re sour about it.
19. Don’t cry over spilt milk – unless it’s lactose-free, then you’re probably crying tears of joy.
20. Lactose-free milk? I’m a firm believer that milk is milk, no astertisk necessary.
Lactic Lols (Puns on Lactose)
1. “I’m udderly in love with cheese!”
2. “I creamed my jeans when I saw that dessert menu.”
3. She’s got a milk mustache that won’t quit.
4. “You butter believe I’m a dairy fan.”
5. “Don’t milk it, just tell me the truth.”
6. “I’m milking this moment for all its worth.”
7. “He’s a whey better cook than I am.”
8. I lactose the fact that you won’t share your ice cream.
9. “I’m not lactose intolerant, I’m milk-friendly.”
10. “I’m churning with anticipation for this cheese platter.”
11. “I’m not dairyed of anything!”
12. “I’m gonna milk this joke for all its worth.”
13. I curd-n’t resist those cheesy fries.
14. “That’s a moovin’ pun if I ever heard one.”
15. “We all scream for ice cream…and for puns!”
16. “Don’t cry over spilled milk, make a cappuccino instead.”
17. “That pun was udder-ly amazing.”
18. “I’m totally cheesing out right now!”
19. I’m feeling pretty moooody for some chocolate milk.
20. I’m whey too excited for this grilled cheese sandwich.
“Milk it for All it’s Wort’heifer: The Udderly Hilarious World of Lactose Puns”
1. Did you hear about the cheese that failed its exam? It was so Gouda at first, but then it became a Muenster.
2. I was going to make a cheese pun, but it was too cheesy.
3. Why did the cheese go to the doctor? Because it was feeling blue.
4. What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror? Halloumi-nate.
5. I used to work at a cheese factory, but eventually, they decided to cut the cheddar.
6. Why was the cheese so excited to go to the party? Because it knew it would be grate.
7. I told my date that I liked my coffee like I like my cheese. She looked at me funny and asked how that could be possible. I just said, “Havarti any other way?”
8. Did you hear about the cheese that saved the day? It was a super mozzarella.
9. Why was the cheese afraid to cross the road? It didn’t want to get curdled.
10. A cheese factory had a problem with its machines. They ended up calling in a dairy mechanic.
11. If you’re not sure which type of cheese you want, I recommend you just brie it.
12. Why did the cheese fail to make the basketball team? It couldn’t make the curd.
13. I met a cheese at a party once. It was a real Camembert-specimen.
14. Why did the cheese refuse to do any work? It was too Gouda for that.
15. What did the baby Swiss say to its mother? “I can’t handle this big hole thing.”
16. Why did the cheese fail to get a job in construction? It keeps Swiss-ing around.
17. Why did the cheese comedian lose the crowd? It went on too long about the feta-potamia.
18. The cheese factory had to close because it milked the budget dry.
19. Did you hear about the cheese that couldn’t find a mate? It was very havarti-some.
20. What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
Lacto-silly: Puns in Names about Lactose!
1. Milk-a-tory
2. Lactose Tolerant
3. Dairy Godmother
4. Muenster Mash
5. Cheddar Cheater
6. Swiss Miss-it
7. Butter Come Quick
8. Whey To Go
9. Moo-ver and Shaker
10. Gouda Fella
11. Cream Come True
12. Yogurtta Get Going
13. Cottage You Believe It
14. Cheesecake Boss
15. Sour Creamy Goodness
16. Feta To Fly
17. Ricotta-ta Here Already
18. Ice Cream Dream Team
19. Parmesan Party
20. Blue Cheese Blues
Dairy Delights: Laughing with Lactose (Spoonerisms)
1. Buffalo bollocks
2. Tummy butter
3. Fanny dariy
4. Mozeralla Mell
5. Cheese crisps
6. Dairy flacks
7. Buttermint tick
8. Choco mild
9. Grease sangwich
10. Whey mish
11. Chunky millet
12. Yog-hurt the bowl
13. Milky yoodle
14. Cal-Cheese-ium
15. Cottage scran
16. Skimmed Chinmil
17. Ice cream bean
18. Cheese tiered
19. Dairy spark
20. Banana duffy
Milk-ing the Humor: Lactose Tom Swifties
1. “I can’t drink milk anymore,” Tom said lactose-intolerantly.
2. “This cheese is quite sharp,” Tom said tolerantly.
3. “I shouldn’t be eating this ice cream,” Tom said intolerably.
4. “These dairy alternatives just aren’t the same,” Tom said mournfully.
5. “I can still eat some cheese,” Tom said brie-fly.
6. “I’m feeling a bit gassy,” Tom said cheesy-grinning.
7. “I refuse to give up dairy,” Tom said defiantly.
8. “This milk is expired,” Tom said sourly.
9. “I’m going to have to cut back on cheese,” Tom said cheddarly.
10. “This coffee needs milk,” Tom said creamily.
11. “I’m going to be sick if I have any more dairy,” Tom said queasily.
12. “I prefer almond milk,” Tom said nuttily.
13. “This milkshake is divine,” Tom said deliciously.
14. “I’m not sure if I’m lactose-intolerant,” Tom said questioningly.
15. “These lactose-free products taste just as good,” Tom said convincingly.
16. This grilled cheese is heavenly,” Tom said angelically.
17. “I can’t drink milk on an empty stomach,” Tom said hurtily.
18. “I’m going to have to find some good vegan cheese,” Tom said determinedly.
19. This yogurt is really good for digestion,” Tom said activia-ly.
20. “This butter is so rich,” Tom said arrogantly.
Milk It for All It’s Wort-hay: Oxymoronic Lactose Puns
1. Lactose intolerant ice cream flavor
2. Soy milk cheese
3. Non-dairy cream cheese
4. Vegan whipped cream
5. Milkless milkshake
6. Dairy-free yogurt
7. Cheeseless pizza with extra cheese
8. Lactose-free cottage cheese
9. Almond milk mozzarella sticks
10. Coconut milk cheddar cheese
11. Nut cheese made from no nuts
12. Aged tofu cheese
13. Lactose-free milk chocolate
14. Vegan cheese fondue
15. Dairy-free cream of cheese soup
16. Cashew cream cheese
17. Cheese-free cheesecake
18. Non-dairy butter made with milk
19. Lactose-free cream cheese frosting
20. Non-dairy parmesan cheese made from dairy.
Lactose and Found ( Recursive Puns)
1. Why couldn’t the lactose intolerant politician win the debate? He was too cheesy!
2. I told my friend that I can make cheese from any milk, but he didn’t believe me. I guess I have to prove-lone now.
3. Why was the cheese so expensive? It was a queso of grand proportion.
4. Did you hear about the man who was obsessed with cheese? He had a bit of an edam complex.
5. What does a lactose intolerant person say when someone offers them cheese? “No whey, man!”
6. What did the lactose intolerant man say to his date when she ordered a milkshake? This relationship is going to be sour.
7. Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work! (related to lactose, because cows provide milk)
8. What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror? “You look gouda today!”
9. I tried to make cheese out of cream, but all I got was butter. What a mis-stake!
10. Why did the cheese go to the doctor? It had a curd in its throat.
11. Why did the cheese feel lonely? Because it was provolone.
12. What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror? “Halloumi!”
13. Why was the cow afraid of everything? It was lactose intoler-ant!
14. What do you call a piece of cheese that is not yours? Nacho cheese!
15. What do you call cheese that can play hide-and-seek? Camembert!
16. Why was the cheese afraid to go to school? It was afraid of getting grated!
17. What cheese is always sleepy? Feta cheese!
18. What does cheese use for identification? Its gratercard!
19. I would tell you a joke about cheese, but it’s a little cheesy.
20. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything, including cheese!
“Got Milked: Moovering Beyond Lactose Intolerance with Cheesy Pun-Optics”
1. Time heals all wounds, unless you’re lactose intolerant.
2. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink lactose-free milk.
3. When life gives you milk, make lactose-free cheese.
4. Don’t cry over spilled milk, unless it’s full of lactose.
5. You are what you eat, unless you’re lactose intolerant.
6. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but not if it’s dipped in lactose-filled caramel.
7. A penny saved is a penny earned, unless you spend it all on lactose-free yogurt.
8. When in Rome, do as the Romans do…and avoid lactose at all costs.
9. Actions speak louder than words, unless those actions involve drinking a glass of milk with lactose.
10. A watched pot never boils, but lactose-free butter melts pretty quickly.
11. Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, unless it’s lactose.
12. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you’re allergic to lactose and eggs.
13. There’s no use crying over spilt milk, unless that milk contains lactose.
14. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs, but you can make an egg-free, lactose-free omelette.
15. Hindsight is 20/20, but foresight is necessary when you’re lactose intolerant.
16. It’s always darkest before the dawn, but it’s always hardest to digest lactose in the middle of the night.
17. It’s better to be safe than sorry…and that means avoiding lactose.
18. You can’t judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a dairy product by its lactose content.
19. Practice makes perfect, but there’s no amount of practice that will make you digest lactose.
20. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, unless that cake is lactose-free.
In conclusion, these lactose puns have definitely milked our sense of humor! We hope you got a good laugh out of them and maybe even shared a few with your friends and family. Don’t forget to check out our website for more punny content and thank you for moo-ving along with us.
