Pandemic Puns: 220 Hilariously Infectious Jokes to Lighten Your Social Distancing Days

Punsteria Team
pandemic puns

Looking for some humor to help get you through these trying times? Look no further than our collection of pandemic puns! From jokes about toilet paper shortages to quips about social distancing, we’ve got over 200 hilariously infectious puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone. Whether you’re stuck at home or on the front lines, these puns are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and lighten your social distancing days. So why not spread some laughter contagion and share these puns with your friends and family? After all, a little humor is just what the doctor ordered!

“Laugh Through the Pandemic: 10 Hilarious Puns” (Editors Pick)

1. Why did the quarantine chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
2. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
3. When this is all over, let’s not forget the lessons we learned while social distancing… like how amazing sweatpants are.
4. Why did the hand sanitizer go to the doctor? Because it was feeling unwell.
5. Why don’t they air out the masks? Because they don’t want them to catch cold.
6. Why was the math book sad during the pandemic? Because it had too many problems.
7. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
8. Why did the baker go to therapy? Because he kneaded to talk about his feelings.
9. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was already stuffed.
10. Why did the yoga teacher refuse virtual classes? He didn’t want to get bent out of shape.
11. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
12. Why did the vegetable refuse to talk to its friends? It had too much at-stake.
13. Why did the chef quit during the pandemic? He was running out of thyme.
14. Why did the computer turn orange? Because it had a virus.
15. Why did the math teacher love his calculator? Because it had a lot of functions.
16. Why did the bread break up with its girlfriend? Because she was crumby.
17. Why should you bring a coronavirus and a shoe to a game of catch? Because then it’s corona in a catch-a-shoe.
18. Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.
19. Why was the Easter Bunny so upset in 2020? It was an egg-stremely bad year.
20. I asked my dog how many COVID-19 cases were in the city. He said ruffly 1,000.

Pandemic Punchlines (Witty One-Liner Puns)

1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
2. Did you hear about the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers? He’d stop at nothing to avoid them.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
4. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
5. The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.
6. Did you hear about the kid who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the “no-bell” prize.
7. What did one mask say to the other? Let’s stick together.
8. I refused to believe my dad was stealing from his job as the traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
9. Can February March? No, but April May.
10. I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got fired because I took a day off.
11. What does one mask say to the other in a love story? I’ve got you covered.
12. When a pandemic hit, everyone realized how much they’d taken cyberspace for granted. Luckily, Zoom came to the rescue!
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
14. What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
15. What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
16. I’m terrible at math, but I hear the value of pi never gets old.
17. Why are ghosts such bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
18. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
19. My dad called me today to talk about the pandemic. He started the conversation by saying, “I don’t want to cause a panic, but…”
20. I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing, but this is as close as I could get.

Pandemic Punchlines: (Question-and-Answer Puns)

1. Why did the vaccine need a ticket? To get a shot at immunity!
2. What did one mask say to the other? Hi, face to face meetings are so overrated!
3. Why did the grape refuse to travel? Because it was raisin concerns!
4. How do scientists describe a focus group of viruses? A pandemic-emic.
5. Why did the germ cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
6. How did the pandemic change math class this year? Students learned how to graph infections!
7. What did the virus say when it landed? I feel at home already!
8. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get away from the toilet!
9. What kind of music do viruses like? Wrap music!
10. Why couldn’t anyone hangout with the virus? Because it was sick all the time!
11. Did you hear about the restaurant called COVID-19? It has great reviews, but nobody goes there.
12. Why don’t viruses go on vacation? They’re always under the weather!
13. What’s a germ’s favorite game? Infectionary!
14. Why don’t viruses subscribe to newspapers? They get all the headlines anyways!
15. Did you hear about the new brand of hand sanitizer? It’s fantastic!
16. How did the virus get a PhD? By splicing its genes together!
17. What kind of car does a virus drive? A coronamobile!
18. Why are viruses so good at math? They multiply so quickly!
19. What’s a virus’s favorite food? Micro-chips!
20. Why don’t viruses tell jokes? They don’t want to spread laughter!

The Quarantine Quips: Double Entendre Puns on Pandemic Puns

1. “I’ve been social distancing from my jeans for weeks now.”
2. My quarantine body is all about that base (weight gain).
3. “You must be a face mask, because I can’t stop staring at you.”
4. “I never thought I’d be afraid of a human sneeze before, but here we are.”
5. “Quarantini anyone?”
6. “I’ve gotten really good at talking to myself during this pandemic, but now I’m worried I’m becoming my own conspiracy theory.”
7. “Sorry, I can’t hear you through your mask. Can you speak up?”
8. “I’ve been working on my quarantine beard, but it’s starting to quarantine me out of society.”
9. “I thought social distancing would make people more distant, but it turns out they’re just as annoying through a screen.”
10. “I’ve been practicing my elbow bumps for when we can finally touch humans again.”
11. “There’s no vaccine for stupidity, unfortunately.”
12. “I never realized how much I miss grocery store samples until now.”
13. Quarantine has really made me realize how much I value toilet paper.
14. “I can’t believe I used to complain about my commute before quarantine. Now I’d give anything to leave my house.”
15. “Who else is living like a groundhog day movie these days?”
16. I’m not panic buying, I’m just preparing for my own personal pandemic party.
17. “Who would have thought that the end of the world could be so…boring?”
18. “I thought social distancing would be great for my productivity, but I never realized how many chores I’d have to do instead.”
19. “I never realized how much I touched my face until someone told me not to.”
20. “I think my brain is social distancing from reality at this point.”

Punny Pandemic Proverbs (A Humerus Take on Idioms)

1. Did you hear about the computer programmer who got COVID-19? He had a case of terminal illness.
2. Why did the chicken cross the road during the pandemic? To get to the other side of the mask.
3. I was going to tell you a joke about COVID, but I don’t wanna spread it.
4. My dog is getting pretty tired of being in quarantine. He said he’s starting to feel a bit ruff.
5. Why did the grape stop hanging out with the other fruits during the pandemic? Because he didn’t want to be in a bunch.
6. How do you know if a joke about COVID-19 is a dad joke? It becomes apparent.
7. Did you hear about the man who had a coughing fit while wearing a mask? He was muffled but heard it through the grapevine.
8. I’m trying to put a positive spin on things during the pandemic, but it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
9. Why did the golfer get a COVID test? He had a hole in one of his symptoms.
10. I’ve been practicing social distancing so much that I’m starting to feel like a hermit crab.
11. Why did the potato start wearing a mask? So it wouldn’t get mashed.
12. I’m taking this pandemic so seriously that I’m starting to feel like a viral superstar.
13. Did you hear about the baker in quarantine? She was kneaded in the dough and couldn’t rise.
14. I’ve been trying to stay healthy during the pandemic, but it’s like trying to hold water in a colander.
15. Why are ghosts so good at social distancing? They always keep a haunting six feet away.
16. I’m glad I bought a ladder before this pandemic so I can stay socially distant from everyone.
17. Why did the tomato refuse to leave the house during the pandemic? It didn’t want to ketchup with the virus.
18. I’ve been under lockdown for so long that my introverted side is starting to feel extroverted.
19. Why did the clock in quarantine go back four seconds? It was trying to flatten the curve.
20. I started washing my hands so much during the pandemic that I’m starting to think I should take up finger painting.

Pundemic Puns Galore (Pun Juxtaposition)

1. I’m trying to organize a pandemic-themed fashion show, but it’s common knowledge that you shouldn’t mask and match.
2. I decided to start a new hobby during quarantine and picked up running. It’s a contagion I’m happy to spread.
3. I’m trying to be more productive while working from home, but I always feel like I’m experiencing a case of the mundanes.
4. I guess quarantine is the new “normal”. Personally, I would have preferred an unorthodox experience.
5. I tried to write a book about the pandemic, but the plot was too symptomatic.
6. I went to the grocery store during the pandemic and realized that social distance makes the heart grow fonder.
7. My sister and I have been cooking more while stuck at home. We’re definitely feeling al-dente keen.
8. The pandemic has made it really hard to plan ahead, but I guess you could say I’m just living in the future tense.
9. Remember when people used to say “No glove, no love”? Now it’s “Mask up, Buttercup”!
10. To all of the people who are having a hard time practicing social distancing – just remember, you don’t want to be the flu’s boo.
11. I was excited to start gardening during the pandemic, but all I have to show for it is an herb garden that’s thymeless.
12. The pandemic makes going to work feel like a real hazard-dous activity.
13. The pandemic may have you feeling down, but just remember, you’re helping to flatten the curve.
14. I started playing the banjo during the pandemic, but some people would say I’m just misfret-ting my time.
15. The pandemic has given me a newfound appreciation for living in isolation. I guess you could say I’m a real hermit 2.0.
16. I’m trying to stay positive during the pandemic, but all of this doom and gloom is making it hard to see the sunny side of things.
17. I think one of the biggest challenges during the pandemic is to make sure we don’t let the isolation get us bac-teria.
18. Personal protective equipment is hard to come by these days. I guess you could say it’s been glov-ely weather for gear sales.
19. I hope everyone is social distancing and staying safe during this time. Let’s all do our part to keep from spreading the paNICKed.
20. I used to think working from home was going to be a bust, but I’m finding that I’m really branching out and becoming a telecommuter-tree.

Pande-MIC Drop: Witty Pandemic Puns to Keep You Laughing

1. Pandemicked Off
2. Mask-erade
3. Saliva-tion Army
4. COVID Siblings
5. Snap, Crackle, Quarantine
6. Mask-ed Men
7. Dr. Quarantine
8. The Quarantined Club
9. Social Distance Run
10. Mask-A-Lot
11. The Virus Avengers
12. Pande-mania
13. The Quaranteam
14. Corona-stone
15. Mask-sachusetts
16. The Corona-Crew
17. Lockdown Lads
18. Quarantined Cuisine
19. Isolation Station
20. Germ Buster

Pandemic Puns with a Playful Spoonerism Twist

1. “Let’s flatten the curve” becomes “Let’s bathe the Burne.”
2. “Social distancing” becomes “Doh-social pinstancing.”
3. “Self-isolation” becomes “Is-self olation.”
4. “Wear a mask” becomes “Mear a wask.”
5. “Pandemic fatigue” becomes “Fandemic pigatue.”
6. “Vaccination rollout” becomes “Raccination vollout.”
7. “Delta variant” becomes “Velta dariant.”
8. “COVID-19 test” becomes “TOVID-19 cest.”
9. “Quarantine rules” becomes “Ruarentine qules.”
10. “Outbreak control” becomes “Coutbreak ontrol.”
11. “Hand sanitizer” becomes “Sand handitizer.”
12. “Vaccination center” becomes “Caccination venter.”
13. “Flu shot” becomes “Shlu fot.”
14. “Test and trace” becomes “Tess and trace.”
15. “N95 mask” becomes “M95 nask.”
16. “Lockdown measures” becomes “Meadown lockers.”
17. “Social bubbles” becomes “Bocial struggles.”
18. “Contact tracing” becomes “Trontact casing.”
19. “Contactless delivery” becomes “Dontactless celery.”
20. “Remote work” becomes “Wemote rok.”

“Quarantined Quips: Tom Swifties on the Pandemic Panic”

1. “I don’t mind working from home,” said Tom, remotely.
2. “We’ll beat this virus,” Tom said optimistically.
3. “I’m worried I don’t have enough toilet paper,” Tom said thinly.
4. “I think I might be addicted to hand sanitizer,” Tom said germaphobically.
5. “I don’t want to catch the virus,” Tom said cautiously.
6. “I’m going to cook so much food during quarantine,” Tom said fervently.
7. “I can’t believe people are still hoarding groceries,” Tom said greedily.
8. “I’m learning how to make my own face masks,” Tom said craftily.
9. “I’m really missing my friends,” Tom said distantly.
10. “I have so much extra time for hobbies now,” Tom said productively.
11. “I think I might have gained the quarantine 15,” Tom said heavily.
12. “I’ve never washed my hands so much in my life,” Tom said soapily.
13. “I wish I had a bigger house to work from,” Tom said spaciously.
14. “I hope this pandemic ends soon,” Tom said wishfully.
15. “I never realized how much I touch my face until now,” Tom said self-consciously.
16. “I’m trying to stay positive during all of this,” Tom said reluctantly.
17. “I miss going to concerts,” Tom said musically.
18. “I don’t think I’ll ever take hugs for granted again,” Tom said virtually.
19. “I’m afraid to go to the grocery store,” Tom said anxiously.
20. “I’m tempted to cut my own hair,” Tom said shornly.

Contradictory COVID Quips (Oxymoronic Pandemic Puns)

1. Social distancing gathering
2. Quarantine party
3. Masked ball
4. Endless lockdown freedom
5. Isolation party
6. Pandemic vacation
7. Virtual hug
8. Healthy obesity
9. Quarantine exercise
10. Clean virus
11. Pandemic holiday
12. Social distance hug
13. Remote proximity
14. Social distancing date
15. Sanitized germ
16. Furloughed busybody
17. Alarming calm
18. Locked-up freedom
19. Quarantine beach party
20. Masked smiles

Pandemic Pandemonium (Recursive Puns)

1. Did you hear about the germaphobe who was afraid of contracting COVID-19? He was really corona-fused.

2. I tried to work from home during the pandemic, but my dog kept interrupting. He was a real paw-demic.

3. When the pandemic was at its peak, I tried to create a vaccine. But it’s hard to cure a-Fauci-nation.

4. Why did the chicken cross the road during the pandemic? To stock up on essential cluckin’ supplies.

5. Instead of a handshake, we now do elbow bumps during the pandemic. It’s the new COVID Greet.

6. During the pandemic, I tried to stock up on toilet paper but ended up with a wash-out because it was out of stock.

7. Did you hear about the man who was so afraid of the pandemic that he locked himself in his house? His family referred to him as the quaran-teen.

8. The pandemic has changed the way we date. Instead of getting a kiss goodnight, I received a sanitizer spritz.

9. I tried baking bread during the pandemic, but I ended up with a gluten-ten situation.

10. I told a joke about TP rolls during the pandemic, but it didn’t get a good reception. I guess it was a little too corny.

11. I lost my sense of taste and smell during the pandemic. It’s a flavorless lock-down.

12. My wife and I joked about starting a pandemic cover band with only two members. We’d be called “The Quaranteens.”

13. The pandemic has been challenging for Santa Claus, but he’s determined to deliver presents with his sleigh-sanitizer.

14. The pandemic made our road trips complicated, but at least we got to explore our state of mandemic.

15. The pandemic has been terrible for the comedy industry. Many comedians are now resorting to spread sheets.

16. I tried making my own face mask during the pandemic, but it wasn’t successful because I ended up with a failure-to-mask situation

17. During the pandemic, my local meat market started selling whole cow carcasses. It was like a moo-pocalypse.

18. I tried to order a pizza during the pandemic, but it took forever to be delivered. It was a pie-demic.

19. I started selling face masks made out of recycled toilet paper during the pandemic. The customers referred to it as wipe-cycling.

20. The pandemic has made me forget about many things, but I’ll never forget the year 2020 – it was a real pandammit.

Pandemic Puns: Quarantining the Clichés

1. “I’ve never seen anyone so excited for a pandemic party; leave it to you to always be the life of the virus.”
2. The new pandemic workout plan: jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, and running out of toilet paper.
3. “This quarantine has made me realize that I am like a math book – I have a lot of problems, and nobody wants to touch me.”
4. “I tested positive for being awesome, and negative for COVID-19.”
5. When life gives you lemons, make lemon-tini’s and have a virtual happy hour instead.
6. “Social distancing has really changed the way we greet each other… now it’s just wave after wave.”
7. “I’m not saying I miss going out, but my fridge just told me that it is breaking up with me because I am always here.”
8. “Quarantine is like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s probably stale and sugar-free.”
9. “I used to wonder what the world would be like if my opinion counted; now I just wonder what it would be like if I could leave the house.”
10. “I wear a mask not because I am scared, but because I want to protect myself from all the bad fashion choices I made during quarantine.”
11. “I’m pretty sure my dog thinks something is wrong with me because I have been petting him non-stop for weeks – it’s like he’s the new toilet paper.”
12. “In times like these, I like to remember that panic is not a strategy, it’s a lifestyle.”
13. “I Googled ‘how to make a mask,’ but it turns out that my pillowcase has been doing the trick all along.”
14. “I am self-isolating so much that I think my shadow has forgotten who I am.”
15. “I was going to tell a COVID-19 joke, but I am afraid that people will take it too seriously.”
16. Quarantine has been good for my health, but bad for my online shopping addiction.
17. “At this point, I think everyone can relate to the feeling of being stuck on an eternal layover.”
18. “If you can’t find toilet paper, just remember that fear is a great constipator.”
19. The only thing spreading faster than COVID-19 is the fake news about how to cure it.
20. “It’s amazing how quickly things can change – one day you can go outside freely, the next day you’re afraid to touch your own face.”

In the midst of a pandemic, it’s important to find humor wherever we can. We hope that these 200+ pandemic puns have helped lighten your social distancing days and brought a smile to your face. And if you’re still hungry for more viral jokes, be sure to check out our website for even more punny goodness. Thank you for taking the time to visit, and stay safe out there!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.