Onion Puns: 200+ Hilarious and Tear-Inducing Wordplays for Your Amusement

Punsteria Team
onion puns

Are you ready to add some spice (or should we say, tears) to your humor? Look no further, because we’ve got over 200 onion puns that will make you laugh until you cry – or cry until you laugh. From silly one-liners like “I’m peeling good” to more elaborate wordplays like “This onion is making me emotional – it’s really cutting me up,” these puns will bring a tear to your eye and a smile to your face. And don’t worry, we won’t judge if you shed a tear or two while you read through these tear-jerking quips. So sit back, grab a tissue (or an onion), and enjoy the pun-derful world of onion humor!

The Peel of Laughter (Editors Pick)

1. Why do onions make you cry? Because they don’t have any tear-ducts!
2. I asked my onion if it was crying, but it said “No – I’m just sweating from my eyes!”
3. What do you call an onion that’s in charge? The root of all evil!
4. I try not to cry when I chop onions, but it’s just too eye-ronic to resist.
5. Did you hear about the onion that didn’t want to be cut? It put up a real shallot!
6. Why did the onion get a job in PR? It had great peelings!
7. How do you make an onion laugh? You tickle its bulb!
8. What happens when you mix an onion with a computer? You get a vegetable with a lot of chips!
9. I was feeling onion-y today, so I decided to make French Onion soup.
10. What do you call an onion that goes to the gym? A muscle spud!
11. Why was the onion afraid of its own reflection? Because it was a real shallot of itself!
12. Why did the onion go on a blind date? It wanted to see if there was a spark between them.
13. Why do onions make the best artists? They have great layers!
14. Did you hear about the onion that joined a rock band? It was the lead vocalist!
15. Why do onions make terrible dogs? They never fetch!
16. What do you call it when an onion gives you a hug? Embrace-a-bulb!
17. Why won’t onions play board games? They always end up crying over spilled milk!
18. What do you call an onion that’s a fan of horror movies? A screamish!
19. Why did the onion break up with the garlic? The relationship had too many layers.
20. What do you call an onion that’s a neat freak? Tidy onion!

Onion-tediously Funny (One-liner Puns)

1. Why did the onion go to the doctor? It was peeling sick.
2. What do you call an onion that’s always crying? A weepul.
3. What do onions wear to the beach? Bikinis.
4. Why did the onion break up with the garlic? Their relationship was too shallot.
5. What do you call an onion that’s good at math? A root vegetable.
6. What did the onion say when it was accused of stealing? “I’m innocent, I swear on my layers.”
7. How do you make an onion laugh? You tickle its roots.
8. Why do onions make terrible secret keepers? They always spill their layers.
9. How do you introduce an onion at a party? “Everyone, say hello to my main squeeze.”
10. Why did the onion go to the gym? It wanted to get ripped.
11. What do you call a group of onions? A crop circle.
12. What did the onion say when it got a compliment? “Aw, shucks.”
13. Why did the onion go to the moon? It wanted to find out how to properly space itself.
14. Why did the onion take a job in the prison kitchen? It wanted to serve thyme for its crimes.
15. What do you call an onion that’s a great dancer? A salsa onion.
16. Why do onions make bad detectives? They always give themselves away.
17. How do you know if an onion is lying? Its breath stinks.
18. Why did the onion write a novel? It had lots of layers to explore.
19. What do you call an onion that’s always on time? Punctual.
20. Why did the onion get a job at the club? It knew how to make people cry on the dance floor.

Peelin’ Q&A (Onion Puns Edition)

1. Why did the onion win the race? Because it had a peel-ing!
2. What did the onion say when it got a compliment? “You’re making me blush!”
3. Why did the onion refuse to go out on a date? Because it didn’t want to be a dinner date!
4. What did the onion say when it found out it had been replaced? “I don’t carrot all about that!”
5. Why did the onion refuse to give a speech? Because it was too teary-eyed!
6. What did the onion say when it got caught stealing? “I am an onion, I had to take it for the greater good!”
7. Why did the onion go to bed? Because it was feeling a little shallot.
8. Why did the onion lose at poker? Because it kept showing its card-onions!
9. What did the onion say when it felt hurt? “I’m onion my way out of this!”
10. Why did the onion break-up with the garlic? Because it was tired of the bad breath!
11. What did the onion say when it was told to work on its puns? “Thanks for the onion-sight!”
12. Why did the onion go to the doctor? It had a skin condition that was making it leek!
13. What do you call an onion that’s had plastic surgery? A rejuvene-onion!
14. What did the onion say after it ate lunch? “That was onion-tastic!”
15. What did the onion say when it lost its job? “I guess it’s just not in my flavor!”
16. Why did the onion quit its job as a cashier? Because it couldn’t stop crying over the customers!
17. What do you call an onion that you can’t trust? A scallion!
18. Why did the onion refuse to go to school? Because it didn’t want to be around all the bullions!
19. What did the onion say when it was asked to lead a parade? “I’m not sure I’m ready to take on that many layers!”
20. Why did the onion end up in prison? It was caught peeling!

Peeling Away the Layers (Double Entendre Onion Puns)

1. “You must be a sweet onion because I can’t stop crying when I think about you.”
2. “Peeling good after eating some onion rings, if you know what I mean.”
3. “You know what they say, an onion a day keeps the vampires away.”
4. The onion was so hot, it had me sweating like a sinner in church.
5. “I like my onions like I like my jokes, with many layers.”
6. “My tears aren’t just from cutting onions, if you catch my drift.”
7. “What do you get when you cross an onion with a donut? A stinkin’ bagel.
8. “I used to think onions were terrible, but they’re really growing on me.”
9. “Why did the onion go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t find a date.”
10. “Not to brag, but I’m pretty a-peeling, just like an onion.”
11. “That onion really knocked my socks off – and I wasn’t even wearing any!”
12. My favorite way to eat onions is with a kiss from my lover.
13. “I heard onions are great for your heart, but I think they’re stealing mine.”
14. I don’t always eat onions, but when I do, I make sure it’s a hot one.
15. An onion is like an ogre, they both have layers and can make you cry.
16. “I heard onions can help cure a cold, but I prefer to just suffer in bed all day.”
17. “Why did the onion break up with the garlic? Because it was always in tears.”
18. “I asked the onion if it wanted to go on a date, and it said ‘shallot’.”
19. “If you’re ever feeling lonely, just remember, there’s always someone crying over an onion somewhere.”
20. “I’ll never be able to peel an onion without thinking of you.”

Onion-tended Consequences (Puns in Onion Idioms)

1. Why did the onion take his pants off? Because he wanted to have a peel.
2. I can’t stop crying when I cut an onion – it’s in my “tears”.
3. What do you call an onion that has a job? A business bulb.
4. Why did the onion break up with the garlic? Because it was getting too hot to handle.
5. Why did the onion go to the gym? To work on his “stems”.
6. What do you call an onion that’s in a band? A rock ‘n’ roll bulb.
7. Why couldn’t the onion get a date? Because he smelled too strong.
8. Why was the onion afraid? Because it had too many “layers.”
9. Why did the onion avoid the swimming pool? Because he didn’t want to become a “dive”.
10. Why did the onion join a dance crew? He wanted to learn how to “chop”.
11. Why did the onion get a tattoo? It wanted to be a little bit “sassy”.
12. Why did the onion become a comedian? He loved to make people “cry” with laughter.
13. Why did the onion call 911? It was having a “hot” flash.
14. Why was the onion always cold? Because it forgot its “scarf”.
15. Why was the onion always hungry? Because it had a “crush” on food.
16. Why did the onion become a doctor? It wanted to “cure” all illnesses.
17. What do you call a group of onions playing music? A jazz band-aids.
18. Why did the onion go to the ball? To find his prince charming.
19. Why did the onion want to go to space? Because it wanted to become an “astronomical” success.
20. Why did the onion watch scary movies? To get a little “chop” suey.

Slice and Dice (Onion Pun Juxtaposition)

1. Why did the onion go to the gym? To work on its core.
2. I’m not crying, my onion friend just moved away.
3. I’m not an onion thief, I just know how to peel the heat of the moment.
4. Onions and I have a lot in common. We both make people cry, but at least onions have layers.
5. Why did the onion refuse to go to court? It didn’t want to end up in a peel.
6. I can’t afford to visit the onion factory. It’s a far-reaching bulb dream.
7. I have a friend who works at the onion ring factory. He is the ultimate Lord of the Fries when he’s there.
8. It’s hard to make friends with onions, they have such a well-peeled exterior.
9. My wife is always crying because I’ve been chopping onions. I guess you can say tears about my feeling are being diced.
10. The onion was always a vital piece of a daily diet – it could keep everything else in line.
11. I can tell you everything that’s going to happen in an onion’s day. It all starts with a tear.
12. Some people prefer their meal to taste bland but I prefer mine with onion-thusiasm.
13. Don’t judge a book by its cover, or an onion by its layers.
14. If the onion started listening to metal, it would become the heavy metal vegetable.
15. While the onion became popular, it wasn’t the root to success.
16. For Halloween, I dressed up as an onion. My costume was a real tear-jerker.
17. I tried to make an onion pun, but it left me speechless, without a word at shall-ot.
18. Onion rings are the answer to any culinary problem. They’ve got a good batter, that’s for sure.
19. I never trust restaurants that charge extra for adding onions, they must be taking me for a chive.
20. Why won’t onions go out with garlic? Because garlic musty stink so bad.

“Peeling Good Times: (Onion Puns)!”

1. Onion Skywalker
2. Shallot Dion
3. Vidalia Ice Palace
4. Red Onion Hood
5. Maui Sweet Onion Lei Shop
6. Bunching Onion Garden
7. Cipollini Vineyard
8. Scallion Scallywag
9. Chive Talking
10. Pearl Onion Boutique
11. Purple Onion Cafeteria
12. Leeky Faucet Plumbing
13. Walla Walla Symphony
14. Spring Onion Grove
15. Garlic Chive Lounge
16. Spanish Onion Hacienda
17. Boiling Onion Springs
18. Green Onion Gatsby
19. Pickled Onion Pub
20. Rings of Onion Jewelry.

Onion-y Tongue Twisters (Spoonerisms)

1. Bunyon ions
2. Rind my eye
3. Frying moonions
4. Punion rings
5. Chive a coin
6. Scallion fun
7. Slice of life
8. Water later
9. Peel the deal
10. Bake an onion
11. Chop inion
12. Grill scallions
13. Onion white
14. Stew onions
15. Fry punions
16. Visionary onion
17. Cry toffee
18. Whopee onions
19. Onion dunks
20. Slaygunions

Onion-ly the Best Tom Swifties about Bulbous Puns

1. “I love onions,” said Tom, teary-eyed.
2. “These onions are unbearable,” said Tom, with a gasp.
3. “I’m not crying over these onions,” said Tom, with a wink.
4. “This onion stew smells amazing,” said Tom, souper excitedly.
5. “Onions give me bad breath,” Tom said, onion-iously.
6. “This onion soup is quite hot,” said Tom, seasoned with a smile.
7. “This onion has layers, just like ogres,” said Tom, jokingly.
8. “Cutting onions is a tear-jerking job,” said Tom, crying crocodile tears.
9. “I dislike onions,” said Tom, cavalierly.
10. “I’m not sure if that’s an onion or a shallot,” said Tom, indecisively.
11. “I eat onions too fast,” said Tom, breathlessly.
12. I’m seasoning my steak with onion flakes,” said Tom, flakily.
13. “I’m an onion lover to the core,” said Tom, of course.
14. “This onion is making me emotional,” said Tom, sentimentally.
15. “I can’t handle strong onions,” said Tom, weakly.
16. “It’s so hot, you could fry an onion on the pavement,” said Tom, sizzlingly.
17. “These onions are in perfect harmony with my salad,” said Tom, dressing up.
18. “These onions are so strong, they’re making my eyes red,” said Tom, onion-credibly.
19. “I couldn’t finish my onion rings,” said Tom, ringside.
20. “I don’t know what’s worse: onions or my jokes,” said Tom, pun-believably.

Pungent Contradictions: Onion Oxymoronic Puns

1. I’d like a burger with extra raw onions, hold the tears.
2. Cutting onions is a joyful agony.
3. I just shed a happy tear while dicing onions.
4. I hate onions, but I love onion rings.
5. When life gives you onions, make lemonade.
6. Onions: they bring tears to my eyes and joy to my taste buds.
7. Onion breath: the ultimate aphrodisiac repellent.
8. I love my onions like I love my socks: mismatched.
9. My kitchen is where onions go to break down and cry.
10. What do you call an onion that’s been sitting in the sun too long? A freckled shallot.
11. I may cry while cutting onions, but at least I’m not crying alone.
12. To me, onions are like onions: some days they’re sweet, and other days they’re bitter.
13. I love onions, but they always make me cry when we get close.
14. It’s always Alliums or nothing.
15. I cried when I found out I couldn’t take my onions on the plane. They were still good for the trip.
16. I like my onions like I like my relationships: layers of complexity and unpredictability.
17. In the world of onions, I’m just a peeling.
18. I’m all about onions and spice, but no tears please – I have mascara on.
19. I accidentally added garlic powder to my onions and created a flavor bomb.
20. Some say onions make everything better, but I say they’re just a-peeling.

“Onions, Layers and Recursive Wordplay (A Peel of Onion Puns)”

1. Why did the onion break up with the garlic? Because it felt a little shallot-ed.
2. I just can’t stop crying when I cut an onion. I guess that’s just the tears of joy.
3. It’s hard to make a decision when you have an onion and a shallot on the table. It’s a tough scallion to make.
4. Why did the onion try to commit suicide? Because it was feeling diced.
5. Some chefs say an onion is the only vegetable that can make them cry. I guess they haven’t met my ex-carrot.
6. I never trust an onion that is too friendly. They are most likely trying to peel you in.
7. Why did the onion call the lemon? To get the citrus-pinion!
8. Why did the onion feel lonely? Because its best bud was a salt shaker.
9. Why was the onion afraid of the garlic? Because it had a chive-ing personality.
10. Why did the onion run away from the garlic? It didn’t want to be chopped into little pieces.
11. Why did the onion scream in the oven? Because it was getting roasted.
12. Why did the onion regret going to the theater? Because it was a real-tear jerker.
13. Why did the onion feel sad with the potato? Because it had eyes only for fries-chips.
14. Why did the onion scream in the refrigerator? It was getting cold feet.
15. Why did the onion tell the fire engine to “back off”? It was afraid it would get pre-heat treatment.
16. Why did the onion feel anxious about the garlic? It was a little minced words-y.
17. Why did the onion go on a date with a mushroom? Because it was a fungi to be with.
18. Why did the onion feel jealous of the radish? It was a root-cause of insecurity.
19. Why did the onion become good friends with the pepper? Because both were hot and spicy.
20. Why did the onion want to become a comedian? To get a-peel to a wider audience.

Peeling Away the Layers: Onion-Inspired Puns and Clichés

1. “I’m going to peel this onion pun until I cry tears of laughter”
2. “An onion’s reputation never made anyone cry foul”
3. “I’ve got layers of onion puns to share”
4. “Life is like an onion – it makes you cry, but sometimes it’s sweet”
5. “I couldn’t help but shed a tear before this onion pun session”
6. “An onion a day may keep the vampires away”
7. “Let’s cross that onion pun bridge when we get to it”
8. “We can’t always be onion top of the world”
9. “The onion puns are bringing tears to my eyes, and it’s not from the onion”
10. “In an onion jam? Try adding honey for some sweet relief”
11. “It’s time to peel back the onion layers and get to the pun”
12. “This is a pun so pungent, it’ll make your eyes water”
13. “What did the onion say to the garlic? You’re stinking up the joint.”
14. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She smelled like onions after that.”
15. “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator. And what do you call an onion riding a bike? A spring onion!”
16. “Why did the onion go to the gym? To work on its core.”
17. “When life gives you onions, make onionade”
18. “An onion in the hand is worth two in the stew”
19. “Why was the onion crying? Because it saw the salad dressing.”
20. “Don’t cry over spilled onions, just make some onion soup.”

In conclusion, we hope these onion puns have given you a good laugh and made your eyes water (in a good way). But don’t worry, the puns don’t stop here! Be sure to check out our other articles for more pun-filled amusement. Thank you for visiting our website, and we hope to see you again soon!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.