Bloody Hilarious: 220 Blood Puns to Keep You Laughing All Day Long

Punsteria Team
blood puns

Do you have a bloody good sense of humor? If so, you’re in luck because we’ve compiled over 200 blood puns that are sure to make you laugh until you’re red in the face. From hilarious wordplays to clever one-liners, these puns will surely get your blood pumping. Whether you’re a vampire, a doctor or just someone who loves a good joke, these puns are perfect for anyone who wants to inject some humor into their day. So, sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh until you’re light-headed. Don’t worry, we promise not to suck the fun out of it. Let’s get started with these bloody hilarious puns!

Bloody Hilarious! (Editors Pick)

1. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something about blood that’s just vein-tastic.
2. Why did Dracula invest in a blood bank? He wanted to get a good interest rate.
3. When Count Dracula goes fishing, what does he catch? Blood bass!
4. Why did the blood bank decide to close? They were running vein.
5. How does a vampire like his steak cooked? With a little bit of blood, rare.
6. What do mosquitoes order at the blood bank cafe? A liquid lunch.
7. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, forget the fruit and just give me your blood.
8. Blood donors are the truest type of heroes, they save lives without even knowing who they are helping.
9. When the vampire went home after work, he sank his teeth into a Bloody Mary.
10. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
11. I don’t know if I have the stomach for it, but I really want to sink my teeth into this project.
12. Are you positive I can’t interest you in some A-B positive blood?
13. The red cross is doing a blood drive, and I think I’m gonna have to give in vein.
14. Why did the blood drive worker bring a portable fan? Because they heard some people need a little circulation to donate.
15. Here’s a bloody good pun: no matter how bad your day is, it’s never so bad you can’t find happiness in someone else’s misfortune.
16. My friend refuses to eat Hershey’s chocolate anymore after he found out it was congealed blood. I think he’s being overly plate-istic.
17. When Dracula was a kid, he used to watch blood types of family members on family game night.
18. Which cities have the most vampires? Fang Francisco and Batimore.
19. Why did the blood donation center go on a first date? They both had a taste for the fresh, red stuff.
20. The bandage doesn’t want to leave the safety of the wound no matter how much you tell it that there’s more to life than covering up blood.

Bloody Brilliant Wordplay (One-Liner Blood Puns)

1. I told a vampire a joke, but he didn’t find it funny. He was too busy Hemogoblin.
2. Why wasn’t the vampire a good artist? He couldn’t draw blood.
3. What kind of music do vampires listen to? Blood on the Tracks.
4. My doctor said I have low blood pressure. I think it runs in my veins.
5. I tried to donate blood, but they said I wasn’t rare enough. I guess I’m not A-positive enough.
6. Why did the blood cell go to the gym? To pump iron.
7. What’s the difference between a mosquito and a nose? One sucks blood, the other boogies blood.
8. How does Dracula keep his breath so fresh? By using fang-tastic mints.
9. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarine.
10. Some people call me a vampire because I like to stay up all night. But I prefer the term nocturnal enthusiast.
11. Why did Dracula go to art school? To learn how to draw blood.
12. How did the sickle cell improve its golf game? By becoming better at iron shots.
13. What do you call a bloodsucker with a cold? A coffin.
14. Why don’t vampires go out in the sun? They don’t want to get hemo-rhoids.
15. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
16. I got a job at the blood bank but I was let go because I just couldn’t put my heart into it.
17. What’s a vampire’s favorite kind of dog? A bloodhound.
18. What do you call a group of vampires? Fang club.
19. My blood type must be B+, because I always seem to be positive.
20. Why did the blood cell go to therapy? Because it was stuck in a vein cycle.

Blood-curdling Quips (Question-and-Answer Puns)

1. What kind of blood do vampires fear? Cold blood.
2. Why did Dracula start using mouthwash? To stop bat breath.
3. How do you prevent a vampire from attacking? Put a steak in his heart.
4. What do you call a group of blood-sucking insects? A skeeter-y.
5. Why did the blood bank reject the vampire’s donation? He had bat blood in his system.
6. Why did the blood drive get cancelled? Because there wasn’t a vein effort to promote it.
7. How do white blood cells greet each other? “Leukocyte to meet you!”
8. What did one blood cell say to the other? “Oh, red blood cells, we make quite the clot-arette”.
9. What’s a vampire’s favourite fruit? A neck-tarine.
10. Why did the mosquito go to the doctor? He was feeling skeeter-ish.
11. How does a doctor fix a blood clot? With some hematological engineering.
12. What does a vegetarian vampire feed on? Drac-chips.
13. Why did the bloodhound smell bad? Because he was chasing his tail.
14. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
15. Why did the blood cell fail his driving test? Because he started clotting before he got to the finish line.
16. What’s a vampire’s favourite whisky? Bloody Mary.
17. How does a vampire prepare a steak? Rare, of course!
18. Why did the mosquito go to school? To attend high skeeter.
19. What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing, you can’t cross a vector and a scalar.
20. What’s a vampire’s favourite sandwich? A blood-wich.

Bloody Good Fun (Double Entendre Puns)

1. When the vampire opened his hotel room window, it was to let some fang-scented air in.
2. Anemic puns are the iron-y of comedy.
3. Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? Because she was a real pain in the neck.
4. Did you hear about the nurse who accidentally let the blood cool too long? She gave her patient the cold shoulder.
5. The man with type A Blood had a Type-A personality: ambitious, competitive, and punctual.
6. The farmer couldn’t get his cows to lactate until they started seeing a blood specialist.
7. “B Positive!” said the optimistic vampire to his blood donor.
8. Why did the playwright have so much success writing about vampires? He always had a vein for drama.
9. When the medical student asked to monitor their patient’s blood pressure, the doctor said their request raised too many veins.
10. The fireman was worried about his brother the vampire because he didn’t like to eat flames.
11. How do you know that a vampire is nude? They are always wearing a cape.
12. The science fair project on blood cleansing was held at a plasma.
13. Why don’t vampires play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs around.
14. When I was born, I had anemia, but after drinking some human blood, I felt O-positive.
15. No one believed that the vampire was over 100 years old because he always looked so well-red.
16. Why don’t vampires use toothpaste? They always brush with fangs.
17. The vampire went on a juice cleanse, but it turned out the blood orange juice wasn’t enough.
18. The vampire didn’t want to bathe in tomato sauce, but it was a Bloody Mary.
19. The vampire was an emotional wreck with all his blood sucking. He had been seeing a therapist named Count Rakula.
20. The nurse couldn’t get in any blood samples because the patient was always so vein.

Bloody Hilarious (Puns in Blood Idioms)

1. Blood is thicker than water (but not thicker than ketchup!)
2. I need to go to the blood bank, I’m in dire need of some clottin’ around.
3. Blood, sweat, and tears (I’m more of a “blood, Swiffer, and tears” kind of person)
4. I’m going to show my ex who has blue blood (I sliced myself while making blueberry jam)
5. Tomato juice is what I drink instead of blood… it’s just as delicious!
6. I’d love to donate blood but I’m afraid I’ll have too much fun and start platelet!
7. Without blood transfusion, the horror movie The Texas Chainsaw Massacre would have been much less bloody and much more boring.
8. My grandpa told me that blood is thicker than water but not as flavorful as salsa.
9. When the vampire was caught stealing from the blood bank, he got a real stake through the heart…line!
10. She wanted to donate blood but she was too vein.
11. When the clown jumped off the diving board into the pool, he was feeling vein!
12. Blood sausage? I prefer my pigs in blankets in a more APPetizing form!
13. She does everything up to the mark but drawing the thin red line is her speciality.
14. The doctor had to write a prescription for the bleeding basketball player- he needed a shot at redemption.
15. Back in the day, a vampire could get a real bite to eat. Now, it’s just a plasma screen on a smartphone.
16. I’m never giving blood again. It made me feel a bit vein!
17. A room full of blood donors is a diverse cross section of society. It’s really amazing how much hematocrit can change your perspective.
18. I was a little disappointed when I visited a blood bank…I was hoping for something a little more artery-ficial.
19. That vampire is one bad dude. He’s everywhere. In fact, you might say he’s trans-fusion-ing around.
20. I’m currently reading a book on Ebola. It’s pretty sick.

Blood, Sweat and Tears (Pun Juxtaposition)

1. I donated blood today, it was bloody amazing!
2. Platelets are the real players in the bloodstream.
3. I’m doing a blood drive this weekend, it’ll be quite draining.
4. After the car accident, my friend was seeing blood-red traffic lights.
5. Plasma is the state of matter that’s positively shocking.
6. My doctor told me to have more iron in my blood, I guess I’ll start eating more steel-cut oats.
7. Vampires love to stay up late because they’re nocturnal bleeders.
8. If blood banks charged by the pint, they’d be bloody expensive.
9. Red blood cells are terrible at telling jokes because they always hemoglobin.
10. The bloodhound was so good at tracking, it was called a vein sniffing dog.
11. I’m a phlebotomist by day, and a vampire slayer by night.
12. I’m always cautious with my blood sugar, I don’t want to raisin my risk for diabetes.
13. I heard the latest vampire trend is drinking avocado blood.
14. I had a blood test that came out negative, but it was still very positive news.
15. My friend was badly hurt in the lion exhibit, but the zookeepers were lion through their teeth about the amount of blood they found.
16. If you ever need to know the blood type of a swing dancer, it’s always Rh-positive.
17. The zombie apocalypse would be much easier to manage if they naturally had body-wide coagulation.
18. A vampire walks into a bar… and orders a Bloody Mary, but gets a plasma donation mixed up instead.
19. Lions consume the most red blood cells because they love the taste of hemogloblin steak.
20. When my pastor asked me to donate blood on Easter, I told him it was a bloody sacrifice indeed.

Bloodthirsty Puns (Puns in Names About Blood)

1. Thalassa Mia Hemogoblin
2. Countess Vampyria Scarlet
3. Dr. Acula Bloom
4. Ronan Rh-negative
5. Vera Vein
6. Aurora Leech
7. Brock Claymore (Blood clot pun)
8. Lady Hemoglobin
9. Simon Syringe
10. Erythraea Walker
11. Alistair Plasma
12. Amara A+ (blood type)
13. Bartholomew Bloodstone
14. Celeste Clotting Way
15. Serena Serum
16. Crimson Carpenter
17. Landon “A” Positive
18. Azula Arteries
19. Raven Redd
20. Felix Fenugreek (Herb that helps with blood sugar levels)

Blood, Sweat, and Spoonerisms: Pun-derful Blood Puns

1. Slacker of the bled, and thou forfeit thine hereditary!
2. Let’s go get some blushing mud.
3. He always wants to dram his blood, never realizing that he’s already blunk three times.
4. My girlfriend is a real bluss doll.
5. Don’t Slit up before six and stir up the mud!
6. My doctor told me I shouldn’t donate blod, so now I’ve got a blot of time on my hands.
7. I hope my blood drives you batty.
8. He’s always preaching about the importance of getting a flu shot, but I think he’s just a bloody soap opera junkie.
9. Don’t let your blood clot over the little mishaps in life.
10. She mistakenly added a dash of blood to the cake batter.
11. The bloodshed of the war is a stain on our nation’s history.
12. It’s hard to stay perky in meetings when all I can think about is my bloody Mary waiting at home.
13. There’s nothing like a good blood sausage to start the day off right.
14. The investigator found his own blood coal, which led to a massive cover-up and his eventual downfall.
15. I’m feeling a bit lightheaded- maybe I’m blust.
16. Never trust a vampire who says they only drink the bluest of the innocent.
17. His friends teased him about being a real blood cricketer.
18. Who needs fangs when you can just use a bloot pick and a smile?
19. He accidentally gave his wife a heart attack by telling her a horrible blood joke.
20. The bloodmoon has risen, signaling the arrival of the ancient demon.

Bloodthirsty Witty Quips (Tom Swifties on Blood Puns)

1. “I never freak out when I see blood,” said Tom, calmly.
2. “This hospital needs more blood donors,” said Tom, plasma-ly.
3. “I always strive for accuracy when drawing blood,” said Tom, pricking-ly.
4. “I’m pretty much a vampire when it comes to blood types,” said Tom, A-positive-ly.
5. “I avoid people with bloodshot eyes,” said Tom, vain-ly.
6. “This is a rare blood disorder,” said Tom, blood-red-ly.
7. “I see blood everywhere,” said Tom, hemoglobin-ly.
8. “I get woozy at the sight of blood,” said Tom, faint-ly.
9. “I’m pretty cold-blooded when it comes to dealing with emergencies,” said Tom, cool-ly.
10. “This blood work is going to take a minute,” said Tom, test-ily.
11. “I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes in the blood donation process,” said Tom, blood-ly-minded.
12. “I’m not sure what blood type I have,” said Tom, serum-ingly.
13. “I’m not afraid to get my hands dirty with blood,” said Tom, plasma-ent-ly.
14. “I’m fascinated by the history of blood transfusions,” said Tom, vein-ly.
15. “I prefer to work with blood samples in my lab,” said Tom, serum-iously.
16. “I always donate blood on a regular basis,” said Tom, selfless-ly.
17. “I don’t like blood on my clothes,” said Tom, stain-ly.
18. “I’m not squeamish when it comes to blood spills,” said Tom, fluent-ly.
19. “I always keep a close eye on my patient’s blood pressure,” said Tom, arterial-ly.
20. “I’m always careful when drawing blood from elderly patients,” said Tom, vein-til-ly.

A Bloody Good Time: Oxymoronic Blood Puns

1. Don’t worry, I’ll be there in a plasma-sec.
2. This joke is bleeding hilarious.
3. Blood transfusions are quite draining.
4. Bad jokes make my arteries clog-up.
5. I’m not a fan of Type A-holes.
6. I’m a reformed sinner, I used to be red with rage.
7. The doctor told the patient to stop screaming or he would never be pacified.
8. He didn’t have the nerve to go through with the operation.
9. My blood isn’t the only thing that’s rare, my wit is also pretty uncommon.
10. If I can’t make you laugh, then I better give it a clot.
11. White blood cell humor is hard to come by.
12. I’m not a fan of vein-staking conversation.
13. Blood puns are in my veins.
14. Cry me a river, or let’s use your blood for hydration.
15. Here’s a bloody good joke!
16. Doctor, doctor, I’m having a bloody great time!
17. Blood donations are just frivolous attempts to get ahead.
18. Let’s keep things platelet under control.
19. Hematomancy might just be the new black.
20. I’ve got a type-B personality, which means I’m pretty laid back for a blood type.

Bloody Hilarious (Recursive Puns on Blood Puns)

1. Did you hear about the man who donated blood for a living? He was a vein man!
2. I wanted to tell a joke about blood donation, but it was too A-positive.
3. Why did Dracula quit his job as a blood bank teller? He got bored with the plasma screen.
4. I tried to give my blood away at a blood drive, but they said my hemoglobin was too low. I told them that was just a pigment of their imagination.
5. What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
6. I tried to donate blood, but the nurse said I had too much iron in my diet. It must be all the blood red meat I eat.
7. What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a vampire? A blood-sucking insect that everyone loves to hate.
8. Why did the blood type change his name to “O? Because O+ and O- were just too positive for him to handle.
9. I tried to donate blood, but they said I couldn’t because I was underweight. I told them I had lost weight, but they said I was just vein.
10. Why can’t a vampire donate blood? Because they’ve been banned.
11. Why did the vampire get a job as a phlebotomist? Because he wanted to work his fangs to the bone.
12. I went to donate blood, but came back with fewer veins than when I left. The nurse said I must have had an epic fail of epic proportions.
13. Why did the vampire get kicked out of the blood drive? He kept biting the hand that gives.
14. I wanted to make a blood donation today, but the needle was giving me the heebie-jeebies. I told the nurse I needed a vein moment.
15. Did you hear about the blood bank robbery? The suspect is still at large, but police are hot on his transfusion.
16. Why did Count Dracula become a stand-up comedian? He always knows how to get the blood flowing.
17. Why did Dracula move to Alaska? He heard people there were cold-blooded.
18. Did you hear about the vampire who owned a brewery? He made a killing on blood stout.
19. I wanted to make a blood donation, but my blood pressure was too high. The nurse asked me to try and stay calm and give her a pressure response.
20. Why did the blood cell go to see the psychiatrist? Because it had a blood clot.

Bloody Brilliant: Puns on Clichés About Blood

1. A good vein of humor always gets the blood flowing.
2. The new vampire movie was a real pain in the neck.
3. Red Cross nurses know how to give the gift of life.
4. It’s hard to put a stake in someone’s heart when they’re already dead.
5. I told my friend to stop being a hemogoblin and donate blood.
6. The count was out for the count after accidentally drinking tomato juice.
7. My blood pressure is always spiking because of all these puns.
8. That hemoglobin sure is an ironman.
9. When Dracula can’t decide what to wear, he has a bat mitzvah.
10. The donation center warned me not to get too plasma-fied with donating.
11. A vampire came to my door soliciting, but I refused his undead-able offer.
12. You really have to AB positive to be a blood donor.
13. If the blood bank runs out of A’s and B’s, it’s a type-othetical situation.
14. White blood cells are always fighting the good fight.
15. The blood transfusion was a real body fluid movement.
16. The vampire may have been immortal but he had no taste.
17. The hemophiliac couldn’t catch a break, or a clot for that matter.
18. The vampire ducked into the haunted house and left with a little Boo-clot.
19. It’s not a Halloween party without some type-O-candy.
20. Capillaries are nature’s highways- but they never have toll booths!

Thanks for taking the time to indulge in the world of bloody puns with us! We hope these 200+ puns have kept you laughing (and cringing) all day long. Don’t forget to check out our website for more hilarious puns on various themes. We appreciate your visit and hope to see you again soon!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.