Texas Puns Galore: 200+ Hilarious and Lone-Star-Worthy Jokes to Make You Laugh

Punsteria Team
texas puns

Y’all ready for a heaping helping of Texas-sized laughter? Look no further than this collection of over 200 pun-tastic jokes that are sure to make you hoot and holler. We’ve wrangled up the best of the Lone Star State, from rodeo riffs to barbecue bonanzas. So grab a cold drink and a plate of brisket, and get ready to laugh until the cows come home. These Texas puns are so good, they’ll have you saying “yeehaw” all day long. Whether you’re from the Lone Star State yourself or just a fan of all things Texas, these jokes are sure to tickle your funny bone. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show – we guarantee it’ll be a hootenanny of a good time!

“Y’all Better Believe These Texas Puns Hit the Bullseye” (Editors Pick)

1. If you’re not from Texas, don’t “y’all” me how to live my life.

2. What do you call a turtle that’s in a hurry in Texas? A Tex-azz (Texas)!

3. We do things bigger in Texas. I wouldn’t be surprised if we had the largest number of pun lovers, too.

4. Why did the cowboy buy a Dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggie.

5. If everything is bigger in Texas, then I guess that means the puns are larger too, huh?

6. What kind of nut grows on a cactus? A pric-kly pear!

7. Living in Texas is like an all-you-can-eat buffet for great puns.

8. What’s the difference between a Texan and a dog? The dog eventually stops barking.

9. Why did the cowboy ride his horse to the dentist? He needed a brace on one of his teeth!

10. Texas: Where the sun is always shining and the puns are always flowing.

11. How do you know if someone is from Texas? They’ll tell you.

12. Why did the cowboy take his horse to the ghetto? He wanted to see a neigh-borhood.

13. Texas is like a pun paradise, y’all.

14. Did you hear about the Texan custom car dealership? They put everything Lone Star State-of-the-art.

15. Going to Texas is like stepping into a world of wordplay.

16. Why did the cowboy break up with his girlfriend? She said he was too “lasso fair.”

17. I never met a pun I didn’t like, but the ones in Texas are just a bit better.

18. What do you call a Texas tea-drinking contest? High steep-ed-ness!

19. Texas puns are like BBQ – they’re smokin’ good.

20. Some say puns are cheesy, but in Texas, we like our puns extra-cheddar.

Tex-puns: One-Liner Wonders

1. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator, just like the Texas Rangers!
2. I’m Texas bound, y’all–don’t mess with my plans!
3. What’s a Texan’s favorite kind of math? Cow-culations!
4. Why don’t they teach drivers’ education and sex ed on the same day in Texas? Because it’s too hard on the mules.
5. I taught my dog to play cards. He’s a fierce Tex-herder!
6. How did the Texan break the world record for longest snake? He used everything from rattlesnakes to copperheads until he had a Texas long snake!
7. Did you hear about the Texan who invented a new word? It’s spelled just like “chili,” except with one “l” because we don’t like to waste things in Texas.
8. What’s a Texan’s favorite kind of sandwich? Brisket and mortar!
9. What do you call a Texan who’s lost his horse? Grounded!
10. I went to get my hair cut in Texas–but they were full up with mustache appointments, too.
11. What do you get if you cross a cow and a cactus? A sticky situation–but not for a Texas cowboy!
12. Why did the Texan become an astronaut? So he could explore the Final Frontier-tex!
13. Did you hear about the cowboy who wore a plastic shirt? He wanted to travel the herd way.
14. What kind of hot dog do they have in Texas? Brisket dogs!
15. Why don’t ducks fly south for the winter in Texas? Because they don’t want to leave the Lone Star Quack!
16. How do you catch a squirrel in Texas? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
17. What do you call a Texas-sized mistake? A huge-a-tex!
18. Why were the army general’s boots so strong? They were Fort Worth it.
19. Why are Black-Eyed Peas so popular in Texas? Because they make you stronger! (As the song goes.)
20. Did you hear about the Texan who stole watermelons from his neighbor’s garden? It was a cattle-melon rustling case!

Tex-Quiz Tacklers: Yee-Haw Texas Puns!

1. Why did the Texan refuse to play poker? Because he thought it was too Tex-ash-ing.
2. Why did the cowboy adopt a hedgehog? Because he heard they were good with lariats.
3. What do you call a group of cowboys with a fever? The Tex-ass heat.
4. Why was the cowboy always hungry? Because he was always saddling up to the bar-be-cue.
5. What do they call a Texas politician who never tells the truth? A lyin’ star.
6. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund? So he could have a longhorn.
7. What do you call a Texan at the North Pole? Lost.
8. Why was the cowboy bad at math? He couldn’t solve a Tex-us Instruments calculator.
9. What did the Texan say when his wife asked him how many cows he had? “I don’t know, I lost Tex-count.”
10. What do you call a Texan who’s always on time? Punctu-all.
11. Why did the Texan report his boots missing? He thought they were stolen, but he just mis-Tex-placed them.
12. What do you call a Texas concert? A jamboree-gon.
13. Why was the Texan afraid of the ocean? Because he heard there were oil-rings in it.
14. Why did the cowboy get mad at his horse? Because he wasn’t pulling his Texsas.
15. What do you call a Texan who can’t swim? A Drownin’ Star.
16. Why did the Texan use an umbrella near a cactus? Because he didn’t want to get pricked or Tex-payer money for a trip to the hospital.
17. Why do they call it a Texas hot tub? Because it’s just a dry creek bed with a hose.
18. Why do they call cowboys cowboys? Because cowmen were already taken.
19. Why did the cowboy go to the bank? He wanted to rustle up some money.
20. What do you call a Texan who loves karaoke? The Lonestar State Idol.

Tex-Puns: Taking Wordplay to the Lone Star State (Double Entendre Puns)

1. You must be from Texas because you’re the whole package steak and sizzle.
2. “I couldn’t find my boots this morning, looks like someone’s trying to spur me on.”
3. “I’m like the Alamo, you don’t want to mess with me.”
4. Being a Texas native, I don’t believe in subtle hints; I’m as blunt as a butter knife.
5. “Don’t mess with me unless you want to tussle like a cowboy at the rodeo.”
6. “I wouldn’t mind being the lone star in your sky.”
7. “I didn’t know cowgirls existed outside of the movies.”
8. “I don’t believe in half-assing anything, especially when it comes to Texas.”
9. I can ride faster than a jackrabbit in a peloton.
10. “I’m like chili pepper: a little bit hot and spicy but oh so satisfying.”
11. “A cowboy’s hat ain’t the only thing that’s big when it comes to Texas.”
12. “I’ve got more corkscrew turns than a rollercoaster in the Hill Country.”
13. “I wouldn’t mind doing the two-step with you, but I’m all out of rhythm.”
14. “Everything is bigger in Texas, including the taste in music.”
15. “I’ll make you holler like a coyote under the Texas stars.”
16. “I’m not just a pretty face, I’m as tough as cowboy boots made out of alligator skin.”
17. “I’m not the type of person to twiddle my thumbs; I prefer to lasso a bull instead.”
18. “I don’t mind getting down and dirty for the sake of good barbecue and good company.”
19. “You remind me of the Gulf Coast; I could get lost in your endless beauty for days.”
20. “I may have a big belt buckle, but I know how to wear it with pride.”

Tex-puns: Amusing Idioms From The Lone Star State

1. Don’t mess with Texas, or you’ll get a misdemeanor.
2. After working in the sun all day, I was hotter than a Texas summer.
3. That politician is all hat and no cattle.
4. We were so hungry, we could have eaten a Texas-sized portion.
5. She was so bored, she would have watched paint dry, Texas style.
6. He was quicker than a rattlesnake in a Texas lightning storm.
7. We were stranded in the middle of nowhere, Texas miles from civilization.
8. She was a bull in a china shop, Texas style.
9. He was as happy as a Texan at the rodeo.
10. She was busier than a Texas housewife on laundry day.
11. The chili was so hot, it was like fireworks in my mouth, Texas style.
12. He was as stubborn as a Texan mule.
13. She was as pretty as a Texas sunset.
14. We were as lost as a tumbleweed in Texas.
15. He was as proud as a Texas Longhorn.
16. She was as loud as a Texas tornado.
17. The barbecue was so good, it was finger-lickin’ Texas style.
18. He was as slick as a snake oil salesman in Texas.
19. She was as tough as a Texas cowboy boot.
20. We were as surprised as a jackrabbit in Texas headlights.

Tex-Pun Strides! (Pun Juxtaposition)

1. Why did the cowboy break up with his girlfriend? Because she was acting a little horse.
2. Why did the cowboy refuse to swim in the Lone Star State? He was afraid of treading oil.
3. Why did the Texas farmer buy a watermelon? So he could have a seedless rodeo.
4. What do you call a fake noodle in Texas? An impasta.
5. Why did the cowboy run away from the vegetarian restaurant? He wasn’t ready for that kind of bean anarchy.
6. What’s the difference between a Texas steakhouse and a circus? One has a lot of carnivores, and the other has carnivorous lions.
7. What do you call a fake diamond in Texas? Faux-k diamond.
8. What type of motorcycle do cowboys ride in Texas? They don’t ride motorcycles, they ride stallions.
9. Why did the Texans break up with their hamburger? It wasn’t as good as they were beefing for.
10. What do you call a fake rock in Texas? A mock rock.
11. Why did the cowboy take his car to the dentist? Because it had grill problems.
12. What do you call a Texan with a dozen goats? Billy the kid.
13. What do you call a cowboy in Texas that never bathes? Stinky Pete.
14. What type of zipper do cowboys use in Texas? A Wrangler.
15. Why is it lonely in Texas? Because it’s like a desert in the spring with no Bush.
16. What do you get when you cross a cowboy with a computer? A Google Wrangler.
17. Why did the cowboy refuse to go to Montana? He wanted Texas all to himself.
18. Why did the Longhorn refuse to answer the phone? He didn’t want to be part of a herd mentality.
19. What do you call a redneck with amnesia in Texas? A forgotten Lone Star.
20. Why was the Texas toilet paper factory shut down? Because they couldn’t keep their sheets together.

Tex-pun-tation (Puns on Texas Names)

1. Tex Mex-ican stand off
2. Alamo-st famous battle in Texas
3. Hail Mary Jane- Texas state flower is bluebonnet
4. Austin-tatious- Austin is the capital of Texas
5. Dallas-tination- Dallas is a popular tourist spot
6. Lone star-struck
7. Deep in the heart of Tex-ass
8. Rodeo-drive through
9. Y’all-gator- alligator is native to Texas
10. Corpus Christi-mas
11. Big Beaumontiful- city in Texas named Beaumont
12. San Antone-tone deaf
13. She’s a real Houston-hold name
14. Oil well that ends well- Texas is famous for its oil wells
15. No overdrive-Oklahoma pun intended
16. Pressed for time in Lubbock
17. Keep at it, El Paso
18. South Padre-spinning
19. Puns like this make people El Paso, please stop
20. Saddle up and don’t Bowie out

Texans Twist Tongues with Spoonerisms: Punny Wordplay on the Lone Star State

1. Waxas Texans
2. Chippi Taco
3. San Anlone
4. Dullas Mavern
5. Tew Braunsfels
6. Bustin Elmo
7. Corpus Christi, Crust of Piss
8. Antone’s plays Snorlax music
9. Bloat N’ Blow BBQ
10. Lake Texarkana
11. Fort Smitty
12. Tiny Texarcana
13. The Dallas Fowl Boys
14. Sod Palls
15. Coon Cugar
16. Oilbilly Trashcan Band
17. Texssippi
18. Champclarks
19. Faco Trackers
20. Dracosnakight.

Texcellent Wordplay (Tom Swifties about Texas Puns)

1. “I don’t mind the heat,” said Tom, Texan-ly.
2. “This chili is too spicy,” said Tom, blandly.
3. “I’m from El Paso,” said Tom, bordering on the subject.
4. “I used to have a horse,” said Tom, neigh-sayer.
5. “These boots were made for walking,” said Tom, sole-fully.
6. “I’m feeling yee-hawful today,” said Tom, cowboy-ing up.
7. “The state fair is a-maize-ing,” said Tom, corny-ly.
8. “I’m so glad to be home,” said Tom, Texas-sated.
9. “The rodeo is always a buckin’ good time,” said Tom, with equine excitement.
10. “I love all things Texas,” said Tom, big-heartedly.
11. “I feel like I’m part of the Wild West,” said Tom, frontierly.
12. “This pie is darn tasty,” said Tom, southern-ly.
13. “I’m ready for some two-stepping,” said Tom, boot-ifully.
14. “The desert landscape is awe-inspiring,” said Tom, desolate-ly.
15. “I’m all about that Tex-Mex,” said Tom, with spicy enthusiasm.
16. “The BBQ here is smokin’,” said Tom, saucy-ly.
17. “I’m living the Lone Star life,” said Tom, Texas-sized.
18. “The stars at night are big and bright,” said Tom, shining-ly.
19. “I’m feeling lucky in Texas,” said Tom, with a drawl.
20. “I’ve got Texas-sized dreams,” said Tom, ambitiously.

Tex-ilarating Oxymoronic Puns: Howdy Humor Meets Contradictory Wordplay in Texas Puns

1. Why did the cowboy go to the chiropractor in Texas? To get his s-texas aligned.
2. Why did the football team in Texas attend a comedy show? They needed a good laugh after their scoreless tie.
3. Did you hear about the Texan who was allergic to beef? He had a cow intolerance.
4. Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund in Texas? He wanted a wiener dog in the wild west.
5. What do you call a Texan who’s also a pirate? A y’all-arr matey!
6. Why don’t Texas Rangers like playing poker? Because they always have to fold ’em, and they can’t hold ’em.
7. What do you call a Texas chili pepper that’s also a fruit? A spice apple.
8. Did you hear about the cowboy who went to space? He was a space-tronaut.
9. What do you call a cowboy who’s also a chef? A culinary wrangler.
10. Why did the cowgirl wear lipstick to the rodeo? So she could rodeo-redo.
11. Did you hear about the Texan who became a professional hula hoop dancer? She’s now the Lone Star spinner.
12. What do you call a cowboy who’s also a pastry chef? A dough-ja vu ranger.
13. Why don’t Texans go to the beach? Because they prefer to saddle up and ride the waves.
14. What do you call a Texas flower that’s also a vegetable? A y’all-ium.
15. Why did the cowboy ride his horse through the shopping mall? He was on a Western spree.
16. What do you call a Texan who’s also a magician? A presto-cowboy.
17. Why don’t Texans play percussion instruments? Because they prefer twangy instruments like the guitar.
18. What do you call a cowgirl who’s also a detective? A Texas Rangher.
19. Why did the cowboy buy a smartwatch? So he could always stay connected to his rootin’ and tootin’.
20. What do you call a Texas adult dinosaur? A Stegosaurus Tex.

Tex-puns Ahoy! (Recursive Puns on Texas)

1. Why did the cowboy get a dachshund? He wanted to get a long little doggy for his Texas hotdogs.
2. What do you call a Texan knight? Sir Loin.
3. What do you call a Texan astronaut’s favorite meal? Houston steak.
4. Why did the cowboy buy a duster coat? He wanted to keep his Texas red dirt off his clothes.
5. Why don’t they have fireworks at Texas A&M football games? Because every time they make a big “bang”, all the horses start running.
6. What do you call a cow that can play an instrument? A moo-sician.
7. Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.
8. What do you call a Texan who’s been bit by a rattlesnake? Slow-poke.
9. How does a cowboy keep his hat on? With a hat tie.
10. What do you call a Texan hiking a trail? A lone star trekker.
11. What did the cowboy say to the pencil? Draw, partner.
12. How do you describe a cowboy who looses all his cows? Udderly defeated!
13. What do you call a Texan chef who makes spicy soup? Chili Con Carnage.
14. Why don’t Texans like Thomas Jefferson? Because he wrote the Declaration of Independence instead of the Declaration of Texas-Dependence.
15. What does a Texan use to call his friends? A Lone-Phone.
16. What is a cowboy’s favorite kind of meat on pizza? Ranch dressing.
17. What do you call a Texan that can play piano well? Tex-Accent-Keys.
18. What did the Texan say when he moved to New York? The lack of BBQ sauce is really starting to rib me the wrong way.
19. How does a cowboy cook his steak well-done? Broil we cookin’!
20. Why did the cowboy break up with his girlfriend? She rode off into the sunset without him.

Lone Star Laughs: Puns on Texas Clichés

1. Don’t mess with Texas…unless you want to be roped into trouble!
2. Everything’s bigger in Texas, including the steer.
3. If you’re feeling down, don’t worry – everything’s peachy in the Lone Star State.
4. Talk about a Longhorn, that cow sure had some beef with me!
5. When in Texas, always remember to boot scoot and boogie.
6. Don’t be a stranger y’all, come on down to Texas any time you want!
7. The stars at night are pretty bright, but they can’t hold a candle to barbecue.
8. I went to Texas and all I got was this lousy cowboy hat.
9. The heat is so unbearable in Texas that the birds have to use pot holders to pull the worms out of the ground.
10. In Texas, guns are like the state flower…you can’t go without seeing them everywhere.
11. Some people call Texas the heart of cattle country…I just call it steak heaven.
12. If it’s a ten gallon hat you’re after, make sure you have a twenty gallon head!
13. When I’m feeling lonely, I just go to Texas and holler.
14. If it’s too hot in Texas for you, then stick around until winter – it will be a beautiful two weeks!
15. In Texas, cowboys are like unicorns, except they’re real and they carry guns.
16. When life gives you lemons, trade them in for some homemade Tex-Mex.
17. You know you’re in Texas when the only thing flatter than the road is the guy at the gas station selling rattlesnake repellent.
18. In Texas, we don’t need Starbucks to wake us up – we just brew a pot of cowboy coffee.
19. If you want to write a real cowboy story, you’ve got to begin with “Once upon a time in Texas.”
20. If a Texan is feeling stuck in life, they might need a little lasso-daisical thinking.

Yeehaw! We hope you got a kick out of our Texas puns collection. From the Texas-sized laughs to the tongue-in-cheek humor, we gathered them all just for you. But the fun doesn’t stop here; get ready for more pun-derful stories, jokes, and gags on our website. Thank you for stopping by, partner!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.