Looking for a way to add some laughter and wit to your marriage? Look no further! In this collection of over 200 marriage puns, we’ve got you covered. From clever wordplay to hilarious one-liners, these puns are sure to put a smile on your face and brighten up your bond with your spouse. Whether you’re looking for a joke to share at the dinner table or a pun to include in a love note, these puns will have you and your partner chuckling together in no time. So, get ready to laugh together forever with our delightful selection of marriage puns!
“Love, Laughter, and ‘I Do’: The Best Marriage Puns (Editors Pick)”
1. Why was the math teacher happy to get married? Because she finally found her perfect “sum” mate!
2. Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent!
3. Why did the married couple go to art school? They wanted to brush up on their wedding portrait!
4. How do you break the news to your tomatoes that you’re getting married? You give them a “vine” so they can “ketchup” with the news!
5. What do you call a married vampire couple? Count and Countess Spouse-ula!
6. How did the scarecrow propose to his girlfriend? He gave her a “straw”ng, heartfelt speech!
7. Why do bees make great partners? They have a lot of “honey”-moon periods!
8. What did one married wall say to the other? I’m here to “support” you!
9. Did you hear about the recently married chef? He said his wife is the “spice” of his life!
10. Why did the newlyweds go to the dog park on their wedding day? They wanted to “leash” in the memories!
11. How do two porcupines celebrate their wedding? Very “carefully”!
12. Why did the married snowman carry a broom? He wanted to “sweep” his wife off her feet!
13. Why did the couple get married at the zoo? They wanted a “wild” wedding venue!
14. What did one married walnut say to the other? We make the perfect “pair”!
15. How did the computer propose to his girlfriend? He went down on one “byte” and asked, “Will you mousey marry me?”
16. Did you hear about the baseball player who got married? He finally found his perfect “catch”!
17. What do you call a married sleepwalking couple? Match “creepers”!
18. Why did the married banana go to therapy? It was “splitting” them apart!
19. How did the married trees make their relationship work? They “branch” out when needed but stay rooted at heart!
20. Why did the married couple start a bakery together? They wanted to “loaf” each other unconditionally!
Tying the Knot: Hilarious One-Liner Marriage Puns
1. Marriage is like a deck of cards – in the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade!
2. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence!
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
4. Why do married people live longer? Because they don’t want to die early!
5. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
6. The definition of a perfect wife? Someone who helps her husband to be the man he pretends to be!
7. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
8. What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 45 pounds.
9. Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
10. My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
11. Marriage is all about give and take. You give me all your money, and I take it!
12. Marriage is like a walk in the park – Jurassic Park.
13. Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
14. My wife just told me she wants to have a sixth sense. I said, “I’m sorry, but I think one is more than enough.”
15. Did you hear about the mathematician who got married? He said to his wife, “I’ll love you to the square root of negative one.”
16. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many exes.
17. I asked my wife if she ever wanted to be mooned. She said, “No, I just want to be married to you.”
18. My wife asked me if she was the only one I had ever been with. I said, “Yes, all the others were nines and tens.”
19. My wife asked me to do something romantic, so I hired a mariachi band to follow us everywhere and play our special song. Now she wants a divorce.
20. Marriage is like a roller coaster. There are ups, downs, and sometimes you just want to puke.
Love Knots (Question-and-Answer Puns)
1. Why did the married couple go to the bakery? Because they wanted to make some dough!
2. What do you call a married couple who are also magicians? Husband and wife-trickians!
3. Why did the marriage counselor bring a ladder to their session? Because they wanted to reach the next level!
4. What type of clothing did the married couple wear on their wedding day? Bridal gowns and a confetti suit!
5. Why did the married couple want to adopt a pet? Because they were looking for a paws-itive addition to their family!
6. What did the husband say to his wife after their successful wedding reception? “You really knocked me off my feet, my sole-mate!”
7. Why did the bride bring a ladder to the ceremony? Because she wanted to take her relationship to new heights!
8. What did the groom say to his wife when he saw the huge cake at their wedding? “Wow, that’s a piece of tier!”
9. Why did the married couple always keep toothpaste on hand? Because they believed in lasting oral harmony!
10. What do you call a married couple who loves to solve puzzles? Team Marry-doku!
11. Why did the newlywed couple go to the movie theater on their honeymoon? Because they wanted to Netflix and bridal!
12. What did the husband give his wife for their wedding anniversary? A diamond ring…tone!
13. Why did the couple decide to get married on the beach? Because they wanted their love to be tide the knot!
14. What did the husband say when his wife asked him to fold the laundry? “I’m afraid I’m all washed up when it comes to that task!”
15. Why did the couple decide to have a small wedding ceremony? Because they preferred quality over quantity, they’re all about wedding taste!
16. What did the bride say to her husband when he asked how she looked in her wedding dress? “I look bridalicious!”
17. Why did the married couple go to the gym together? Because they wanted to work on their strong marriage muscles!
18. What did the husband say to his wife when she asked what he wanted for dinner? I’m pasta-tively hungry—it’s hand spaghetti and meatballs tonight!
19. Why did the married couple decide to elope? They couldn’t resist running off and tying the not-so-legal knot!
20. What do you call a married couple who loves wordplay? Punnilyweds!
Hitched and Clicked: Tying the Knot with Marriage Puns
1. I asked the bride if she was ready to tie the knot, she said she preferred an adjustable bowtie.
2. Marriage is like a deck of cards, you need a heart to love, a diamond to dazzle, a club to whack away your troubles, and a spade to dig a deep hole for secrets.
3. Being married is like being on a diet, except you can’t cheat on dessert.
4. Marriage is a roller-coaster ride, and sometimes it’s thrilling and sometimes you just want to throw up.
5. She said she wanted a husband who was like a fireworks display: explosive but short-lived.
6. Marriage is like a fine wine, it gets better with age but can also leave a bitter taste if not taken care of properly.
7. I told my wife I wanted to cook her a romantic dinner, but she said she was already well-done.
8. Marriage is a lot like fishing – you have to be patient, and sometimes you have to throw back the ones that are too small.
9. My spouse is like a GPS, constantly telling me to turn around when I know where I’m going.
10. Getting married is like joining a circus – there’s always a chance of becoming a juggling act.
11. They said marriage is a partnership, but sometimes it feels more like a mergers and acquisitions deal.
12. I asked my husband if he believed in love at first sight, and he said, “Of course, that’s why I stopped looking.”
13. I heard marriage is a lot like a marathon, except you start at the finish line and the first one to the starting point wins.
14. My wife told me she wants to renew our wedding vows in Vegas, but I told her I prefer to gamble with our future elsewhere.
15. They say marriage is all about compromise, but sometimes it feels more like a hostage negotiation.
16. My spouse told me they wanted to spice up our love life, so I bought them a pepper spray canister.
17. They say marriage is a two-way street, but sometimes it feels more like a roundabout with too many exits.
18. I told my wife I was taking her on a cruise for our anniversary, but she said she’d prefer a Tug of War cruise.
19. Marriage is like a sandwich – the more carefully you choose your fillings, the better the result.
20. I asked my wife if she had any regrets about getting married, and she said, “Only that I didn’t elope with the mailman.”
Tying the Knot of Laughter (Marriage Puns in Idioms)
1. “Why did the wedding cake go to school? Because it wanted to get a ‘piece’ of education!
2. “Why did the husband bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he wanted to ‘tie the knot’ on a higher level!”
3. “Why did the bride refuse to marry the mathematician? Because he couldn’t ‘count’ on her!”
4. “Why did the bride ask for a refund on her wedding dress? Because it ‘didn’t suit’ her!”
5. “Why did the married couple open a bakery? Because they wanted to ‘dough’ some good together!”
6. “What’s a bride’s favorite type of music? ‘Wedding’ march!”
7. “Why did the bride’s bouquet become a motivational speaker? Because it always had ‘uplifting’ words!”
8. Why did the bride bring a pencil to the wedding ceremony? In case she wanted to ‘cross out’ any objections!”
9. “Why did the groom bring a beach ball to the wedding reception? Because he wanted to ‘tie the knot’ while having a ball!”
10. “What did the bride say to her bridesmaids? ‘Don’t worry, I’ll ‘veil’ you out of any troubles!'”
11. “Why did the groom wear a belt to the wedding? So his pants wouldn’t ‘run away’ from the commitment!”
12. “Why did the bride and groom decide to elope? So they could have a ‘ring’ of privacy!”
13. “Why did the bride ask the groom if he wanted a slice of cake? Because she knew he couldn’t ‘resist’ temptation!”
14. “Why did the marriage counselor become a mechanic? Because he wanted to help couples ‘fix’ their issues!”
15. “Why did the bride’s parents become comedians? Because they wanted their daughter’s wedding to be a ‘laughing matter’!”
16. “Why did the baker become a marriage officiant? Because he wanted to ‘whisk’ couples into wedded bliss!”
17. “Why did the groom propose at a fast food restaurant? Because he wanted their love to be ‘fries’ forever!”
18. Why did the bride bring a map to the wedding? Because she wanted to ‘navigate’ their new life together!”
19. “Why did the bride and groom open a floral shop? So they could ‘blossom’ their love for each other!”
20. “Why did the newlyweds become detectives? Because they wanted to ‘solve’ the mysteries of married life together!”
Tying the Knots (Marriage Puns Juxtaposition)
1. My wife told me she needed more space, so I bought her a telescope.
2. The couple who got hitched really tied the knot!
3. Marriage is like a deck of cards – in the beginning, all you need is a heart and a diamond, but by the end, you just want a club and a spade.
4. My wife said she wants a fairytale wedding. I guess that means I have to keep waking her up with a kiss.
5. Marriage is like a long, cold winter… except without the snow days.
6. I asked my wife how she manages to make our marriage last. She said it’s all about patience… and a little bit of patience.
7. My wife said she wanted a fairy-tale wedding, so we ended up getting married at Disneyland. It was magical, but the price was unreal!
8. Marriage is a great institution – if you like living in an institution.
9. My wife said she wants to renew our vows and have an intimate ceremony. I guess that means we’ll be a party of two!
10. Marriage is like a marathon, except there are more arguments and fewer cheering fans.
11. My wife said she wants to spice things up in our marriage, so we’re taking up cooking. I can’t wait for our chili pepper adventures!
12. Marriage is like a roller coaster – you never know if it’s going to be an exhilarating ride or send you screaming for the exit.
13. My wife told me I need to be more romantic, so I took her to see a romantic comedy. Now I’m single.
14. Marriage is like a puzzle – sometimes you have no idea where all the pieces fit, but in the end, it’s a beautiful picture.
15. My wife said our marriage lacks excitement, so I bought a pet snake. It’s been “hiss-terical” ever since!
16. Marriage is like a library – filled with romance novels, but the ending is always predictable.
17. My wife said she wants a marriage like a fine wine – timeless and full of flavor. I replied, “I’ll drink to that!”
18. My wife told me our relationship was lacking passion, so I booked us a trip to Hawaii. Turns out she meant we should take up cooking spicy food instead.
19. Marriage is like a circus – filled with ups, downs, and a bunch of clowns!
20. My wife said she wanted to join a wine club. I told her we don’t need a club to celebrate our marriage, just a bottle of wine!
Hitched & Pun-ning (Marriage Puns)
1. Tying the Knottinghams Wedding Planning
2. Veil-be-damned Bridal Boutique
3. Hitched & Glitched Wedding Services
4. Vow-ver the Moon Honeymoon Specialists
5. Reverend Lovejoy’s Wedding Chapel
6. The Bouquet Bistro for Romantic Dinners
7. Wedding Bell Boulevard Venue
8. Aisle Always Love You Wedding Coordination
9. Marry Me Right Matchmakers
10. Blissfully Wedded Bliss Photography
11. Meet Miss Marriage, the Wedding Consultant
12. Forever Ever After Floral Designs
13. Marriage Mirage Travel Agency
14. Groom and Glee Wedding DJ Services
15. The Bridal Bliss Hotel & Spa
16. Hitch Hiker Wedding Cars
17. The Proposal Proposal, Engagement Ring Specialists
18. Toast to the Happy Couple Catering Services
19. Mrs. Bliss Wedding Gown Boutique
20. Happily Ever Afters Wedding Officiants
Hitched Hilarity: Banter at the Altar (Spoonerisms)
1. Grill for the brick and mash for the whip.
2. A bride that is married to her sap.
3. Toaster for the hole and hops for the coal.
4. Love in the vein and the fit of bates.
5. Wedding flakes and taking our nouns.
6. White-pailed rail to retail and wheel bell to argue.
7. Gland on the foot and tire on the plate.
8. Break for a cake and kiss for a fun.
9. Meat grill for a bill and whip mash for that nap.
10. Sailors weave and bridegrooms feast.
11. Through sift pins for deep in a lix.
12. Steps the amouflage and steps the tapgrum.
13. Aisle on the go and mend at the far.
14. Wick inside a clock and size inside a bed.
15. Word sunning for song singing and barn switching for stitching bar.
16. A hitch to the letter and a wed for the best.
17. Perfect willow and spooled ride.
18. Beer brand for pride
Vow Wow Quips (Tom Swifties)
1. “I proposed to her underwater,” Tom said in deep marriage.
2. Let’s elope to Las Vegas,” Tom married.
3. “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” the priest asked, solemnly.
4. “Our marriage is like a delicate flower,” Tom said lightly.
5. “I love being married,” Tom exulted.
6. “Our wedding ceremony was unforgettable,” Tom reminisced.
7. “We’ll have a joint bank account,” said Tom with interest.
8. “I’ll carry her across the threshold,” Tom lifted.
9. “We’re married and it’s official!” Tom announced decisively.
10. “I knew she was the one when I saw her down the aisle,” Tom remarked.
11. “From this day forward, our love shall be forever,” Tom declared eternally.
12. “Our marriage is like a roller coaster,” Tom exclaimed wildly.
13. “I’ll always be her knight in shining armor,” Tom said with chivalry.
14. “Our wedding cake was a masterpiece,” Tom admired tastefully.
15. “We decided to tie the knot in Hawaii,” Tom revealed leis-urely.
16. “Our marriage will always be full of surprises,” Tom winked playfully.
17. “I’m marrying my best friend,” Tom confessed intimately.
18. “Staying happily married takes two,” Tom noted dutifully.
19. “Getting married was a piece of cake,” Tom said sweetly.
20. “Our love story is like a fairytale,” Tom mused happily.
Wedding Bliss or Miss: Hilarious Hitched Wordplay!
1. Marriage is the beginning of the end.
2. Love is blind, but marriage brings clarity.
3. Tying the knot can be a real tangled mess.
4. Marriage is the perfect recipe for organized chaos.
5. A marriage license is just a long-term commitment to paperwork.
6. Marriage: where two becomes one, but also two completely different people.
7. In marriage, the phrase “happily ever after” gets a whole new meaning.
8. Wedded bliss: where the honeymoon ends and the reality begins.
9. Marriage is a balancing act between love and compromise.
10. Saying “I do” means saying goodbye to personal space.
11. Marriage is the ultimate game of give and take, mostly give.
12. A diamond ring won’t buy you all the happiness but it’ll certainly empty your wallet.
13. Once you get married, you’ll never be alone again, but you’ll also never be alone again.
14. Marriage is a beautiful union that requires a lot of negotiation.
15. The key to a successful marriage is knowing when to argue and when to stay silent.
16. In marriage, you learn to love your partner’s quirky habits, or at least tolerate them.
17. Marriage is the precious combination of routine and spontaneity.
18. Relationships are all about finding a balance between “me time” and “we time.”
19. Marriage is like a roller coaster ride, with ups, downs, and plenty of squealing.
20. In marriage, love is the reason to celebrate, and compromise is the party pooper.
Recursive “I Do”s (Marriage Puns)
1. My husband asked me if I wanted to hear a construction joke. Well, I’m still waiting for the punchline, he’s still working on it.
2. At the wedding, the groom turned to the bride and said, “Honey, you are the icing on my cake… and the cake, and the plate, and the tablecloth…”
3. They say marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond…but in the end, you just wish you had a club and a spade.
4. My wife wanted to surprise me with a gift, but she wrapped it in a box, then in another box, then in another… I’m still unwrapping to this day!
5. Marriage is a lot like a drive-through. You get a ring, and then you gotta order a commitment, commitment with extra responsibility, and a side of in-laws.
6. My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” by Oasis. But maybe, even after all, you’re gonna be the one that saves me… you’re my wonderwall again.
7. My wife told me to stop impersonating flamingos. Well, good, I had to put my foot down somewhere.
8. My wife and I were arguing about how to best organize our book collection. It ended up being a never-ending shelf-debate.
9. My spouse asked me if I could stop singing “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns N’ Roses. Babe, take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the guitars shred all day!
10. My husband asked if I could stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down somewhere.
11. My wife complained that my jokes were too cheesy, but you know what they say, the more cheesy they are, the feta.
12. I told my spouse I was going to fix a broken chair leg. They said it wasn’t necessary, but hey, I think it’s time to take a stand.
13. My wife asked me if I could stop pretending to be a superhero. So, I peeled off my cape and told her, “I guess you just can’t handle a Marvelous husband!”
14. My partner asked me to stop singing “Hotel California” by The Eagles. I told them, “Relax, it’s just a lovely place that’s sometimes called the Hotel California… apparently.”
15. My wife asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo, so I decided to just put my foot down.
16. My spouse asked me to stop singing “Rocket Man” by Elton John. But I’m still standing! Just a man of the world… still singing my little song.
17. My wife said she’s tired of me making bird puns, but toucan play that game!
18. My spouse asked me to stop singing “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana. I told them, “Hello, hello, hello, how low?” You know I can’t resist a good tune!
19. My partner asked me to stop pretending to be a superhero, so I stepped out of my cape, looked into their eyes, and said, “I guess you’re just not ready for the incredible.”
20. My wife asked if I could stop singing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. Oh no, not I. I will always love you, even if you don’t want me to sing it anymore.
Tying the Knot with Clichéd Puns!
1. A marriage is like a deck of cards, you need a heart and a diamond to keep it shining.
2. Marriage isn’t just a piece of cake, it’s the whole wedding cake.
3. Love may be blind, but nothing says “I do” like a dazzling diamond ring.
4. The key to a successful marriage is finding someone who can unlock your heart.
5. Don’t just kiss the bride, give her a lifetime supply of smooches.
6. Getting married is like taking a plunge, but luckily love will always keep you afloat.
7. Marriage is like a garden, it requires constant watering to keep it blooming.
8. The marriage journey is like a road trip, but remember to always take the high “rode.”
9. Love is the best medicine, so make sure to dose your marriage with plenty of it.
10. Marriage is like a marathon, so lace up those shoes and run towards forever with your partner.
11. Love is like a game, so let’s make sure it’s always a win-win situation.
12. A strong marriage is like a good cup of tea, it only gets better with time.
13. Building a strong marriage is like building a house, it requires a strong foundation and a lot of teamwork.
14. Remember, marriage may have its ups and downs, but it’s always worth the “ride.”
15. Marriage is like a puzzle, each piece is essential to complete the picture.
16. A successful marriage is like a well-oiled machine, it requires maintenance but runs smoothly.
17. Love is like a dance, so turn up the music and let your heart take the lead.
18. Marriage is like a book, each chapter reveals a new adventure to be discovered.
19. A happy marriage is like a hot cup of coffee, it warms the soul and brings joy.
20. In a strong marriage, the couple is like two peas in a pod, destined to be together.
In conclusion, laughter truly is the best medicine, especially when it comes to a happy marriage. We hope that “Laugh Together Forever: A Collection of 200+ Witty Marriage Puns to Brighten up Your Bond” has brought a smile to your face and livened up your relationship. If you’re hungry for more punny goodness, be sure to check out our website for plenty more hilarious puns to keep the laughter rolling. We appreciate you taking the time to visit and wish you a lifetime of love, laughter, and happily ever after.
