Are you feeling a little cold-blooded today? Need a good laugh to warm you up? Look no further than this article filled with over 200 reptile puns that will have you hissing with laughter! Whether you’re a fan of snakes, lizards, turtles, or all of the above, we’ve got puns that will tickle your funny bone and help you shed your stress. From clever quips like “This gecko’s got a grip on life” to goofy one-liners like “Iguana dance with somebody,” we’ve got puns for every occasion. So don’t wait, bring some scaly humor into your life and get ready to lizard up your day!
“Get Ready to Slither with Laughter” (Editors Pick)
1. What did the snake say when offered a piece of cheese? “No thanks, I’m a viper, not a mice-scraper.”
2. How do lizards communicate with each other? Using reptilespeak.
3. Why don’t reptiles wear shoes? They prefer slithers and sandals.
4. What is a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory.
5. I tried to write a song about alligators, but I couldn’t get it to croc.
6. What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine? A slowpoke.
7. Why did the lizard go on a holiday? He needed a reptile break.
8. How do you know if a snake is a good dancer? He has his own scales.
9. Why did the snake have a lousy vacation? He forgot his hisstory book.
10. Did you hear about the scientist who crossed a snake with a pie? She made a python.
11. Why did the chameleon quit his job? He couldn’t change positions.
12. What do you call it when a reptile is in a bad mood? A hisssty fit.
13. Why did the snake cross the road? To get to the hiss-side.
14. What did the alligator say after he kicked a goal? “That was a snap!”
15. What do you call a group of snakes that sing harmonies? A Hiss-terical choir.
16. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
17. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell Station.
18. Can you tell me how to do the snake dance? All you have to do is scales move.
19. What’s a snake’s favorite social media site? Hiss-tergram.
20. Why don’t gators tell jokes? Their sense of humor is too dry.
Crocs and Jokes (One-liner Puns on Reptiles)
1. What do you call a reptile in a suit and tie? A croc-er executive!
2. Why did the alligator get a ticket? He was caught tailgatin’!
3. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A python!
4. What do you call a snake who works for the government? A civil serpent!
5. Why don’t snakes ever set alarms? They always wake up hisssss-terically!
6. What do you call a crocodile that likes to bowl? A strike-a-gator!
7. Why don’t lizards play cards in the jungle? There are too many cheetahs!
8. What do you get when you cross a snake and a sandwich? A slithery Sloppy Joe.
9. What do you call a snake that’s a math genius? An adder-pythagoras!
10. What did the snake say when he got a brand new pair of shoes? Ssssss-pectacular!
11. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the Shell station!
12. What do you get when you cross an alligator and a calendar? A Croco-dial!
13. How do you get two snakes in a bed? Hiss and make up!
14. What do you call a rebellious lizard? A reptile-rouser!
15. Why don’t turtles ever text each other? They’re shell-shocked!
16. What do you call a chameleon that’s a pop star? Madonna-lizard!
17. Why did the snake refuse to lend money to his friends? He was too much of a hiss-terical loan!
18. What do you call a snake that loves to play the piano? A boassanova!
19. Why did the turtle start his own business? He wanted to make some shell-ter!
20. What did the alligator say when he saw something amazing? That’s croc-tastic!
Snappy Solutions: Reptile Pun Question-and-Answer Puns
1. What do you call a crocodile that likes to gamble? A cardigator.
2. What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.
3. Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!
4. What did the gecko say when he was asked to pay for his meal? “Sure, I’ll just lizard my credit card.”
5. How do you measure a snake? In inches, they don’t have feet!
6. What do you call a snake that works for Santa? A present viper.
7. What’s a snake’s favorite subject in school? Hiss-tory.
8. Why did the alligator cross the road? To get to the reptile shop.
9. What do you call a group of snakes that play instruments? A hiss-tet.
10. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
11. Why are alligators always so angry? They have a reptile dysfunction.
12. What’s a snake’s favorite dance move? The Mamba.
13. What do you call a snake that works for a charity? A philan-thr-opython.
14. How does a snake save money? By taking advantage of sale-sir.
15. Why did the lizard cross the road? To prove he’s not chicken!
16. What do you call an alligator that’s friends with a crocodile? A re-pile.
17. Why did the snake go on a diet? He wanted to have a slimmer, trimmer body.
18. What do you call a snake that works in a circus? A Python-tomime artist.
19. Why did the crocodile go on a cruise? To see the sea-pent!
20. How many snakes does it take to change a light bulb? None, snakes don’t have thumbs!
Cold-blooded Laughter (Double Entendre Puns on Reptile Puns)
1. I was going to tell you a snake pun, but it’s a bit constricting.
2. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.
3. What do you call a reptile in a tuxedo? A suave-lizard.
4. Why don’t reptiles start fights? They always try to stay ghekkal.
5. What did the skink say when he won a race? “Salamander second place!”
6. Why did the iguana refuse to share food? He was a scaly miser.
7. How do you know if a snake loves music? They’ll slither to the rhythm.
8. What’s a gecko’s favorite Disney movie? The Lion Lizard.
9. Did you hear about the snake who couldn’t spell? He made a phytonic error.
10. What do you call a turtle that’s constantly partying? A hip-shelled animal.
11. Why are tortoises great dancers? They have slow-mo-tion moves.
12. What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A constrictor-torte.
13. Did you hear about the alligator who opened a frozen yogurt shop? He called it Croc-and-Fro-Yo.
14. What do you call a snake that becomes a lifeguard? A rescue-python.
15. Do you know what the rhinoceros iguana’s favorite dessert is? Key Lime Skink Pie.
16. What do you call a lizard that’s a daredevil? A reptile without a cause.
17. Why did the turtle refuse to answer the phone? He didn’t want to talk to shell-marketers.
18. What do you call a lizard that solves mysteries? A sleuth-ard.
19. What do you call a python that never returns phone calls? A hiss-and-ditch snake.
20. Did you hear about the gecko who married a chameleon? They always have colorful conversations.
Reptile Riddles (Puns in Idioms)
1. You can’t judge a lizard by its scales.
2. That snake in the grass is just waiting to strike.
3. She was a total viper at the party last night.
4. He’s got a croc in his walk.
5. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, or your geckos for that matter.
6. It’s time for us to turtle up and get to work.
7. That company is always chomping at the bit for more business.
8. He had the heart of a lion, but the skin of a chameleon.
9. She’s always trying to sneakily catch people off guard, like a sly snake.
10. When life gives you lemons, make lemon-skinned lizards.
11. She was sure the frog in her throat was going to ruin her presentation.
12. If she could handle wrangling a lizard, she could handle anything.
13. He was always one to duck and cover in any challenging situation.
14. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the komodo dragon’s kitchen.
15. She was never one to let the competition ruffle her feathers.
16. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith, even if it’s off a sky-high tree branch.
17. Slow and steady wins the race, or at least that’s what he told himself as a tortoise.
18. That cutthroat competitor has got to be part alligator.
19. She may be small, but she packs the punch of a king cobra.
20. You can’t make an omelette without cracking a few iguana eggs.
Cold-Blooded Comedy (Pun Juxtaposition)
1. The gecko went on a diet because he wanted to shed some weight.
2. I saw a snake fall in love with a ladder, it was a rung romance.
3. The crocodile couldn’t find his wallet because he had a scaled-down pocket.
4. Whenever the chameleon couldn’t pronounce a word, he would just blend in with the background.
5. The iguana was stressed, so I told him to just chill out on a rock.
6. No one wants to mess with a turtle who’s carrying a shell phone.
7. The snake was a terrible comedian because all his jokes were hiss-terical.
8. The lizard wanted to join the army but they rejected him because he had a reptile dysfunction.
9. The alligator that became ill was really up a swamp without a paddle.
10. The tortoise’s dance moves were so slow, they were like molasses in January.
11. Whenever the snake was sick, he would just consult his coil doctor.
12. The dragon’s wings malfunctioned, so he had to take a fire-engine to work.
13. The iguana that was an Olympic swimmer was a real water dragon.
14. The anaconda’s girlfriend broke up with him because he couldn’t choke hold a conversation.
15. The turtle wasn’t good with directions but he was happy when he finally got off his shell phone and found his way.
16. The reptile took his car to the mechanic because it had a slippery transmission.
17. The snake didn’t share because he was a “rattle-tailgater.”
18. The chameleon had a great golf swing, but he was always cheating because he kept changing his camouflaged balls.
19. The TV show about the group of tortoises that robbed a bank was called “The Slow and the Furious.”
20. The gecko always wins in poker because he keeps track of the other players’ reptile-tells.
Reptile Riddles (Puns on Names)
1. Agatha Croak
2. Sarah Tegu-lar
3. Camilla Gator
4. Chuck Wallow
5. Ashley Adder
6. Delilah Deinonychus
7. Nathan Naga
8. Oscar Ophidian
9. Mason Monitor
10. Cleo Chameleon
11. Doug Draco
12. Piper Python
13. Kiki Komodo
14. Frankie Frill-neck
15. Terry Terrapin
16. Gabe Gecko
17. Wendy Wyvern
18. Rex Rattlesnake
19. Lenny Lizard
20. Leon Leopard Gecko
Slippery Wordplay: Reptile Spoonerisms
1. Snek Bake
2. Turtled Chatter
3. Hiss and Tequila
4. Dragoonly Snecent
5. Geckos and Cream
6. Alli-gate or Croc-alley
7. Viperish Intent
8. Slithery Scales
9. Crawl of the Wild
10. Reptile Dysfunction
11. Lizard Dazzling
12. Snappy and Snazzy
13. Gator Baiter
14. Prowing Python
15. Slippy Slider
16. Lurking Lizards
17. Chameleon in a Haystack
18. Croc and Load
19. Beware the Varew
20. Alligator’s Alley
Reptile Riffs (Tom Swifties)
1. “This lizard is amazing,” said Tom, tongue-tied.
2. “I love snakes,” Tom hissed happily.
3. “I’m glad we’re not dealing with crocodiles today,” said Tom, dryly.
4. “I can’t believe I got bit by a turtle,” Tom said snappingly.
5. “I think the iguana needs a bigger cage,” said Tom, lizardly.
6. “I’m not scared of this anaconda,” Tom said constrictively.
7. “The gecko escaped again,” Tom said in quick succession.
8. “I don’t think I can handle one more tortoise shell pun,” said Tom, shell-shocked.
9. “This python is too heavy to carry,” said Tom, constrictedly.
10. “This chameleon is really something,” said Tom, colorfully.
11. “I wish I had more room for the snake terrarium,” Tom said snakily.
12. I don’t think I’m ready to work with alligators yet,” Tom said out of tooth.
13. “I can’t believe how quickly that lizard ran away,” Tom said swiftly.
14. “I think we’ll need more heat lamps for the iguana,” Tom said cold-bloodedly.
15. “I’m not sure how we’re going to catch the escaped turtle,” Tom said shellshockedly.
16. “I didn’t know turtles could bite that hard,” Tom said snappingly.
17. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this reptile breeding business,” Tom said egg-zasperated.
18. This boa constrictor is really squeezing my time and energy,” Tom said with a tight schedule.
19. “I think that bearded dragon is giving me the eye,” Tom said skeptically.
20. I’m glad I decided to specialize in reptile medicine,” Tom said venom-ously.
Slippery Language: Oxymoronic Reptile Puns
1. A happy crocodile is a bit of a contradiction, don’t you think?
2. Why did the snake join the garden club? He loves his scales.
3. A tortoise sprint is like a thundering slumber.
4. A chatty iguana is an oxymoron.
5. This lizard is both hot and cold-blooded, talk about a contradiction.
6. A turtle with speed is an oxymoron.
7. Salamanders are a bit of a contradiction, since they can live in water and on land.
8. A cheerful python is certainly an oxymoron.
9. Why couldn’t the gecko sell insurance? He kept saying he’d save you money by increasing your premiums.
10. A dragon with a gentle heart is an oxymoron.
11. This anaconda loves to nap, which is a bit of a contrast to its powerful physique.
12. Is it possible for a snake to be both poisonous and harmless? Because that would certainly be an oxymoron.
13. The reptile that hates the sun is a bit ironic.
14. A gator who is afraid of water is a bit of a contradiction.
15. A snake that isn’t slimy? That’s an oxymoron indeed.
16. This historical reptile is both extinct and alive in the hearts of many.
17. A chameleon with bad camouflage is an oxymoron.
18. This turtle is both fast and slow. Quite the paradox.
19. A shy alligator is definitely a bit of an anomaly.
20. When the lizard met the alligator, they realized the two were a bit of an odd couple.
Ssseriously Funny: (Recursive Puns) Reptile Pun-derland
1. I heard snakes make great comedians, they always hiss and make their audience laugh.
2. Why do lizards always carry around a measuring tape? To keep track of their tail growth, of course!
3. When turtles fight, do they shell out insults?
4. I tried to teach a lizard to play fetch, but it just kept ignoring me. Guess it had a reptile dysfunction.
5. Have you heard about the new reality show where contestants race to catch a flying snake? It’s called “Snake and Ladders.”
6. What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil python.
7. Why did the alligator visit the bank? He wanted to get his teeth capped.
8. What do you call a group of reptiles that play instruments together? A band-aid.
9. When the snake wanted to take up knitting, the lizard told it to “hiss and purl.”
10. How do turtles communicate with each other? They just shell phone.
11. Did you hear about the two snakes that got in a fight? It was a hiss-terical situation!
12. What do you call a lizard that eats food excessively? A rep-tile dysfunction.
13. When the crocodile is playing the guitar, the other reptiles know it’s time to rock and gator.
14. Why did the chameleon want to become a chef? Because he wanted to blend in with the pot!
15. Where do reptiles go for a fun night out? To the iguana dance club.
16. Did you hear about the turtle who refused to wear a seatbelt? He said he was already in his shell.
17. Why are snakes such good detectives? Because they always shed light on the situation.
18. The snake went to repair his car tire by himself and said, “I can do it myssself.”
19. Why did the snake go on a diet? It wanted to get skinny and slither.
20. What do you call a lizard that acts as a spy? A recon-guana.
Slither into Laughter with Reptile Puns (Puns on Reptiles)
1. Don’t be a snake in the grass, be a snake in the sun!
2. He’s a real charmer, he could snake his way out of anything.
3. Iguana go to the beach this weekend.
4. He’s got a lizard tongue, he can talk his way out of anything.
5. I’m chameleon my mind about what to do tonight.
6. Did you hear about the snake who joined a rock band? He played bassss guitar.
7. That crocodile has been wearing the same suit for years, he’s a real fashion reptile.
8. This place is crawling with lizards, it’s like a reptile house party.
9. Don’t underestimate the little gecko, he’s got a big bite.
10. The turtle won the race because he was shellebrating every step of the way.
11. Be green with envy for my pet iguana.
12. Snakes on a plane? More like snakes on a train these days.
13. Lizard be friends forever.
14. The gecko went to the gym and got himself a scaly six-pack.
15. Don’t hiss me off or I’ll have to put you in a timeout.
16. Things have been pretty quiet around here, like a snake in snooze mode.
17. The tortoise and the hare had a rematch, but this time they were both disqualified for breaking the shell phone rules.
18. I don’t always hiss, but when I do, it’s because I like to get a little constrictive.
19. Some snakes are sneaky, but this one is snakin’ its way to the top.
20. She’s got an innate ability to detect reptilian behavior- talk about a sixth sense!
We hope you enjoyed this slithery selection of reptile puns and laughed until your sides were scaled. If you’re thirsty for more pun-derful content, make sure to check out our other articles on the website. Thank you for visiting, and remember, life is always better with a little bit of humor!