220 Hilarious Bald Puns: Unbeatable Hair-Loss Humor That’ll Keep You Smiling!

Punsteria Team
bald puns

When it comes to hair, some people just can’t catch a break. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t all have a good laugh about it! If you’re dealing with hair loss or just love a good pun, you’re in luck. We’ve rounded up over 200 hilarious bald puns that are guaranteed to make you smile. From classic jokes like “What do you call a bald man with a rabbit on his head? Hareless!” to more creative quips like “Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares,” these puns are unbeatable. So sit back, relax, and prepare to chuckle your way through our selection of hair-loss humor.

Bald Jokes That Will Make You Tickle (Editors Pick)

1. Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? He wanted to have a hare on top.
2. Why did the bald man put a clock under his hat? He wanted to have a ticking time bomb.
3. Why did the bald man get a job as a barber? He wanted to make hair-raising cuts.
4. Why did the bald man take up fishing? He wanted to catch some waves on his scalp.
5. What did the bald man say when he was offered a hairpiece? “I think I’ll weave it.”
6. Why was the bald man always angry? He was follicly challenged.
7. What did the bald man say to his wig? “I can’t toupee for you anymore, old friend.”
8. Why was the bald man considered a magician? He could pull a hare out of nowhere.
9. Why did the bald man start wearing sunglasses? To protect his head from solar flares.
10. What did the bald man say when he went to the hair salon? “Don’t get a head start on me.”
11. Why did the bald man refuse to wear a hat? He didn’t want to wig out.
12. What did the bald man say to the wig salesman? “I’m not buying it, it’s a toupee deal.”
13. Why did the bald man get a tattoo of a rabbit on his head? He wanted to prove he had a hare-brained idea.
14. What did the bald man say to the stylist who wanted to give him a mullet? “I’m not going back to the hare-age of the 80s.”
15. Why did the bald man take up photography? He wanted to take some hair-raising pictures.
16. Why did the bald man buy a carpet for his head? He wanted to have a head of fuzz.
17. What did the bald man say when he saw a lion with a mane? “I wish I had that kind of hairweight.”
18. Why was the bald man’s head always wet? His hairline was receding.
19. What did the bald man say to the astronaut? I can’t go to space, there’s no air up there for my hair.
20. Why did the bald man wear a helmet everywhere he went? He didn’t want anyone to see his bare head.

Bold Bald Jokes (One-liner Puns)

1. Why did the bald man put a rabbit on his head? Because he wanted a hare transplant.
2. The bald guy tried using hair growth products, but they were all a sham-poo.
3. My bald friend decided to start wearing a baseball cap. He said it was a capillary attraction.
4. Why was the bald eagle so important to Americans? Because it represented free hair-dom.
5. What do you call a bald man with a piece of grass in his mouth? Homeless.
6. My bald friend thinks he’s getting more head than anyone else, but I think he’s follically challenged.
7. Why was the bald man always calm and collected? Because he knew how to keep a cool head.
8. The bald man was a great mathematician because he knew how to use his hair-o-matic equation.
9. What do you give a bald guy for his birthday? A comb, because he’s always looking for a new part-ner.
10. Why did the bald man refuse to join the hair club for men? He didn’t want to be part of a balding conspiracy.
11. My bald friend always seems to have a new haircut, but it’s just the shine reflecting off his head.
12. You can always trust a bald barber because he never takes hair off the top.
13. Why did the bald man wear a turtleneck? To keep his neck warm and his head cool.
14. The bald guy loved going to the beach because he could lay his head in the sand and not worry about getting sunburned.
15. What’s the difference between electricity and hair? Hair will never conduct a current, but electricity can turn your hair static.
16. How does a bald man clean his hairbrush? He doesn’t need to, it’s always clean!
17. Baldness runs in my family, but I think I’ll be the one to break the balding bad.
18. What do you call a bald man with a sheep on his head? A ewe-nique hairstyle!
19. The bald man’s favorite song is “Smooth” by Santana because it reminds him of his head.
20. My bald friend doesn’t have much hair to comb over, so he just figures it out on a case by case baldsis.

Baldly Amusing (Question-and-Answer Puns on Baldness)

1. Why did the bald man put seeds on his head? He wanted to grow a hairloom tomato.
2. Why did the bald man get a job as a chef? He needed to cover his egghead.
3. Why did the bald man become a lumberjack? He needed a new way to branch out.
4. Why did the bald man become an astronaut? He wanted to see if there was life on the other side.
5. Why did the bald man start a rock band? He needed to show the world he could handle a guitar without a comb.
6. Why did the bald man become a miner? He wanted to dig deep within himself.
7. Why did the bald man become a lion tamer? He wanted to prove he was the mane attraction.
8. Why did the bald man become a teacher? He needed a lesson on hair loss.
9. Why did the bald man become a magician? He needed a trick up his (non-existent) sleeve.
10. Why did the bald man become a detective? He had a case of disappearing hair.
11. Why did the bald man become a marathon runner? He wanted to wear a running cap without looking silly.
12. Why did the bald man become a firefighter? He needed a new way to put out fire.
13. Why did the bald man become a farmer? He wanted to live life to the straw fullest.
14. Why did the bald man become a pilot? He wanted to fly higher than his hairline.
15. Why did the bald man become a diver? He wanted to explore a world with no currents or tides.
16. Why did the bald man become a golfer? He needed a new kind of hat.
17. Why did the bald man become a yogi? He wanted to meditate on the meaning of losing his hair.
18. Why did the bald man become a mountain climber? He wanted to reach new hair-eights.
19. Why did the bald man become a clown? He needed a new way to entertain without a clown wig.
20. Why did the bald man become an electrician? He needed to find new ways to shock people.

Crossing the Hair Line: Bald Double Entendre Puns

1. I’m not follically challenged, I’m just aerodynamic.
2. Bald guys really know how to keep it straight and narrow.
3. Losing hair is a real hair-raising experience.
4. Some people say bald is beautiful, but I think they’re just pulling my leg.
5. A bald head is like a solar panel for a sex machine.
6. What do you call a group of bald guys? A solar panel.
7. Bald men never have a bad hair day.
8. I wasn’t born bald, I just experienced excessive hair loss at a young age.
9. No hair, don’t care.
10. My barber asked if I wanted a haircut or a hair loss.
11. I didn’t choose the bald life, the bald life chose me.
12. A bald head is like a software update for the brain.
13. You know what they say about bald guys – they’re cool under pressure.
14. I used to have hair, but it all went downhill from there.
15. A bad hair day for bald men is just called a day.
16. The best part about being bald is that you don’t have to worry about bedhead.
17. I may be bald, but I still have my old comb just in case.
18. Baldness is God’s way of telling us to focus on the more important things in life.
19. A bald head is the ultimate power move.
20. Bald guys have more headroom for creativity.

Bald and the Beautiful: Hilarious Puns in Idioms for Follicly Challenged Friends

1. “I’m not sure if he’s bald or just a receding heir”
2. “I guess he had a brush with baldness”
3. “He’s going in-TO baldness, not out of it”
4. “It’s all follicular from here”
5. “He’s got a hair-raising bald spot”
6. “There’s no mane difference between bald and hairy people”
7. “Baldness is hair today, gone tomorrow”
8. “He’s less of a lion and more of a lyin’ with that bald patch”
9. “He’s having a bad hair decade”
10. “Looks like he ran out of hair miles ago”
11. “Baldness is just a lid for something more”
12. “He’s in the follically-challenged minority”
13. “Baldness doesn’t even scratch the scalp of his worries”
14. “I guess you could say he’s hit rock bottom”
15. He’s at the end of his hair rope
16. “Baldness got him by the roots”
17. “He’s dealing with a bald-faced lie”
18. “Baldness is quite hair-eating”
19. “Looks like he’s been scalped by baldness”
20. “Baldness is the root of all hair loss problems”

Head Shavingly Hilarious (Bald Pun Juxtapositions)

1. My bald jokes never get old, they just recede.

2. What do you call a barber without scissors? Bald.

3. As a bald man, I’m grateful for gravity. It never lets me down!

4. What do you call a bald man with a part-time job? Unemployed.

5. If baldness was a sport, I’d be a world champion!

6. My hairline is retreating faster than Napoleon’s army from Moscow.

7. Why did the bald man get a ticket? He was parked in a hair tow zone.

8. There’s no such thing as a bad hair day when you’re bald.

9. I told my hairline to quit being dramatic, and it said it would recede.

10. What do you call a bald stylist? A hairless dresser.

11. My hair gets thin, but my jokes always remain full-bodied.

12. The trick to being bald is making sure your head matches your face.

13. Losing my hair was a total toupee.

14. I tried putting Rogaine on my scalp, but it just rolled away.

15. Hair care products for bald people are just a sham-poo.

16. I’ll never go bald because I over-comb.

17. My scalp gets the same amount of sunburn as my face, except without the redness.

18. A bald man’s best accessory is his head.

19. A hair transplant is one donation that really counts.

20. My bald jokes may be a bit hair-raising, but they always get a good reaction.

Baldly Going Where No Pun Has Gone Before

1. Hair-y Potter
2. Bruce Bald-win
3. Vin Diesel-less
4. Samuel L. Bald-son
5. Bald-e-aux
6. Sir Patrick Bald-wick
7. Cher-no-hair
8. Bald-ie Hawn
9. Alice in Bald-erland
10. Will Bald-ner
11. Bald-vin Klein
12. Bald-asar Getty
13. Jason Bald-sheen
14. Bald-wyn Brooks
15. Kojak (bald police detective from the TV show)
16. Benjamin Bald-lin
17. Bruce Bald-meyer
18. Bill Bald-win
19. Mr. Bald-win (from the board game Clue)
20. Sir Bald-a-lot

Hair-ious Word Play: Baldy Locks and the Three Hairless Bears (Spoonerisms)

1. Warlocks and bitches => Barlocks and witches
2. Big toes => Tig boes
3. Bold pants => Pold bants
4. Wet hair => Het wear
5. Red stripe => Sted rype
6. Hot tub => Tot hub
7. Hairy lumps => Leery humps
8. Blend in => End blin
9. Flamingo feathers => Faminglo fethers
10. Gas station => Stas gation
11. Flea market => Mea farket
12. Cold shower => Sold chower
13. Freezing temperatures => Teazing frmperatures
14. Fishing bait => Bishing fait
15. Bald eagle => Ald bagle
16. Tight pants => Pight tants
17. Indian curry => Cindian urry
18. Broken glass => Goken brass
19. Stale bread => Bale stread
20. Dirty socks => Sorty dixs

No Hair Puns Spare (Tom Swifties)

1. “I’m not bald,” said Tom, with no hair of doubt in his voice.
2. “I’ll never have a bad hair day again,” said Tom baldly.
3. “I lost my hair product, I’m completely un-coifed,” Tom said, carelessly.
4. “I’ve got nothing to hide,” said Tom, baring it all.
5. “I’ve got the natural shine, as bald as it may be,” Tom said, glowingly.
6. “This hairdo is always in style,” Tom said, bald-faced.
7. “I don’t need any combs,” Tom said, untangled.
8. “I can feel the breeze on my scalp,” Tom said, baldy.
9. “People can’t keep their eyes off of me,” Tom said, with a bald stare.
10. “I have an abundance of head room,” Tom said loftily.
11. “I’m in a permanent bedhead state,” Tom said uncombed.
12. “The upside to being bald? No need for a hat,” Tom said bareheaded.
13. “At least I’m not thinning, I’m all in,” Tom said completely.
14. I’m like a bowling ball, with a natural shine,” Tom said strikingly.
15. “My hair being gone isn’t the end of the world, get a grip,” Tom said tightly.
16. “People say being bald makes me look distinguished,” Tom said distinguishedly.
17. “I don’t need a hairpiece, I’m naturally crafty,” Tom said cunningly.
18. “I can’t believe I had so much hair before, it’s unthinkable,” Tom said thoughtfully.
19. “There’s nothing up my sleeves…or on my head,” Tom said magically.
20. “I’m living my best life, no wiggle room needed,” Tom said snugly.

Bare Jokes: Oxymoronic Puns on Baldness

1. Balding hairdresser
2. Thinning toupee
3. Bald eagle with a full head of hair
4. Hair-raising baldness
5. Hairy bald man
6. A bald barber’s comb
7. Wigless toupee wearer
8. Balding hairstylist
9. Hairless hippie
10. Combless comb-over
11. Balding Rapunzel
12. Hairless Sasquatch
13. Wigless wig-wearer
14. Balding chia pet
15. Hairless werewolf
16. Combless hairbrush
17. Balding Chewbacca
18. Hairless Yeti
19. Combless ponytail
20. Balding Samson

Recursive Hairlines (Bald Puns)

1. Why did the bald man go to the hair salon? To get a buzz cut!
2. I was going to make a hair transplant joke, but it’s just too hair-raising.
3. What do you call a bald man with a comb? Clean shaven.
4. A bald man asked me if I could help him find his comb. I said “What makes you think you’ll find it now?”
5. Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares.
6. You know, it’s hard to hide a bad haircut when you’re bald. You just have to face the bald truth.
7. I bought myself a wig, but then I realised it wasn’t very practical. I’m much better off bald at dealing with life’s ups and downs.
8. My friend said, “When I lose all of my hair, I comb it over from one ear to the other.” I said, “What happens when you hit your nose?” He replied, “I start anew!”
9. A bald man walked into a bar… wait, I mean he slid into the bar!
10. What do you call a bald man with a cape? A super dome!
11. I don’t like when people make fun of bald people. It’s just not very hairy-tible.
12. I was going to make a bald joke, but I decided to hair to the side of caution.
13. Why did the bald man have a pin in his pocket? He was afraid he would need to re-pin his hopes on something.
14. No hair? No problem, it’s all about the big picture. A good scalp is worth a thousand words.
15. What did the bald man say when he was given a comb for his birthday? “I’ll never part with it!”
16. Why did the bald man get an online dating profile? He wanted to make sure he wasn’t blowin’ out in the online dating scene.
17. What did one bald person say to the other when they received a compliment? “Thanks, I did it all myself!”
18. Why did the bald man put a sweater on his head? He wanted to warm his bald dome-it.
19. What did the bald mummified Egyptian king say when he got to heaven? “Where’s my tomb?”
20. Why do bald people use less shampoo than everyone else? Because suds goes a long way with bald people.

Bald is Beautifully Pun-tastic (Puns on Baldness Cliches)

1. If at first you don’t have hair, try, try again.
2. Hair today, gone tomorrow.
3. Don’t get your hair in a twist.
4. You’ve got to comb through the situation.
5. You’re a cut above the rest.
6. I’ll shave you, don’t worry.
7. Brush it off.
8. Losing hair is part of the bald game.
9. Hairless is more.
10. The grass is always balder on the other side.
11. Don’t wig out.
12. Bald and beautiful.
13. Hair’s to hoping.
14. Baldness isn’t just a phase, it’s a way of life.
15. You are the mane attraction.
16. Life is too short to have hair.
17. I never promised you a hairy garden.
18. I’m not able to manage my hair.
19. Grow where you’re planted, even if it’s on the top of your head.
20. Hair might be off the table, but laughter is definitely not.

In conclusion, we hope that these 200+ hilarious bald puns have contributed to your daily dose of laughter and kept you smiling. At our website, we have more amusing puns waiting for you to discover. So, feel free to browse and explore the site for more pun-derful moments. Thank you for spending your time with us!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.