If you’re looking for a good laugh, then you’ve come to the right place! We’ve compiled over 200 hilarious time puns that are guaranteed to make you chuckle, giggle, and even snort. From clock jokes to hour puns and everything in between, these witty one-liners will have you laughing your clocks off in no time (pun intended!). So sit back, relax, and get ready to tickle your funny bone with our collection of the best time puns around. Whether you’re a history buff or a pun enthusiast, there’s something here for everyone. Without further ado, let’s dive in and explore the world of time-related humor!
Tick, Tock, Jokes (Editors Pick)
1. I decided to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.
2. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything, including time.
3. Have you heard of the new restaurant called “Karma”? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.
4. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
5. You can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.
6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
7. Why do clocks always win races? They have great timing.
8. I was going to tell you a joke about time travel. But you didn’t like it.
9. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t raise the dough.
10. The man who invented the clock was an outstanding visionary. He must have had a lot of time on his hands.
11. The invention of the wheel revolutionized history; clocks just kept it ticking along.
12. The history of clocks is a real time warp.
13. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
14. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint.
15. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
16. I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s bound to take me places.
17. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s out of this world.
18. I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s worth the wait.
19. I’m reading a book about teleportation. It’s already one of my favorite reads of all time.
20. I’m reading a book about time travel. I already finished it in the future.
Timeless Tickles (One-liner Puns on Time)
1. Did you hear about the kidnapping at the clock store? The hands went missing!
2. Why don’t scientists trust atoms when they tell time? Because they make up everything.
3. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field (of clocks).
4. Why don’t the French ever eat a second helping of time? Because déjà vu.
5. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired (too tired).
6. Did you hear about the guy who invented LifeAlert? He’s probably saved a lot of lives, but has killed the concept of eternity.
7. What do you call a time-traveling Chihuahua? A Chihuahua-Delorean.
8. Did you hear about the guy who’s addicted to brake fluid? He says he can stop any time he wants.
9. What do you call a group of time travelers who play music together? A band of the future.
10. What do you call a party of clocks that’s being held in a glasshouse? A tick-tock of the town.
11. Did you hear about the guy who lost his entire left side? He’s all right now.
12. Why couldn’t the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.
13. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
14. Why do most pirates have a hard time with the concept of time? Because they keep saying “Aye, aye” instead of “One, two.”
15. Why did the clock have to go to the doctor? It had a busy signal.
16. Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
17. What did the snail say when it caught a ride on the back of a turtle? “Wheeee!”
18. Did you hear about the man who lived in a clock tower? He was ticked off all the time!
19. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
20. How do you organize a space-themed party? You Planet.
Tick-Tock Talks (Question-and-Answer Puns on Time)
1. What’s a clock’s favorite game? Tick-tac-toe!
2. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field (of work).
3. What do you call a watch that’s made out of chocolate? A timex!
4. Why was the clock always tired? It was winding down!
5. What do time travelers always wear? Rolex (roles)!
6. What does daylight saving time help farmers with? They get to learn how to make hay while the sun shines!
7. Why did the chicken go to the seance? To speak to the other side (of the clock)!
8. Who likes daylight saving time the most? Farmers! They never have to learn to stop mastering the crops!
9. What do you call an alligator wearing a watch? A croco-dial er!
10. What time does a duck wake up in the morning? At the quack of dawn!
11. Why did the student’s watch go to detention? For ticking in class!
12. How do you make time fly faster? Put it in a playlist!
13. Why was the history teacher always talking about clocks in class? They’re really big on the timeline!
14. What did one watchful eye say to the other? ‘Between you and me, something smells fishy here!’
15. What did the big clock in the library say to the small clock? ‘Hands up, or I’ll put you behind bars!’
16. Why did the traveler feel dizzy after crossing the International Date Line? He thought he was going forward in time, but he was really just spinning around in circles!
17. What is a clock’s favorite vegetable? Time-atoes!
18. Why did the man ask a clock for a pen? Because it had two hands!
19. What did the watch say to get a kiss from his girlfriend? “I’m running out of time, give me a kiss!”
20. What do you call an alarm clock that sings? A Clock-a-pella!
Time Flies When You’re Having Puns (Double Entendre Puns on Time)
1. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
2. I inherited a grandfather clock from my late grandpa, it was a time-honored tradition.
3. Meeting his ex-girlfriend after a long time, he thought of it as a good re-timer.
4. I started a business selling watches for dogs, the hands are chewable and they’re always on paw.
5. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one (time to change).
6. I got an alarm clock that yells at me to get up. It’s a time-screamer.
7. I like my coffee how I like my women: strong, hot and for a limited time only.
8. My girlfriend said she needed space and time, so I got her a clock with planet hands.
9. Don’t waste time staring at the clock, otherwise it’ll become the hardest-working timepiece in the room.
10. I once saw a guy trying to steal a clock. For two whole minutes, I watched him before yelling “hands up”.
11. As a watchmaker, I only make traditional watches. Time is of the essence.
12. I thought about quitting my job as a watch repairman, but I needed to make ends meet.
13. Meeting my ex after a year, I reminded her about the time we spent together, and how it minute-ted.
14. The restaurant said we could have our cake, but only if we ate it in under 10 seconds. It was a race against the flour.
15. Whenever I see someone yawn, it keeps me up at night. It’s like they’re doing it behind my back.
16. They say that time heals all wounds, but it also leaves scars.
17. Why did the mathematician bring a watch to his meal? He wanted to make sure he could derive on time.
18. I keep a vault full of watches. I don’t have a lot of time to list every single one, but it’s a key moment to see them.
19. I don’t have time for small talk; I’m an hour-iented person.
20. I went to see the watchmaker for a new strap, but couldn’t decide between leather or time-band.
“Tick Tock Laugh: Time for Some Punny Idioms”
1. I tried to catch some fog earlier, but I mist.
2. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
3. They told me I had Type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
4. The best time to buy a watch is just before the clock strikes.
5. The fastest way to travel is to accelerate from dusk till dawn.
6. I’m taking part in a theatrical performance about puns, it’s a play on words.
7. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
8. I decided to make my bicycle lighter, it was a weigh to save time.
9. A calendar’s days are numbered.
10. The man who invented the stopwatch, he made history.
11. I tried to find a watch face that matched my personality, but they were all hands-off.
12. The only time I enjoy talking about snakes is at t-time.
13. Yesterday I ate a clock, it was very time consuming.
14. I need to find a way to make time fly, perhaps I’ll try skydiving?
15. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up in the past tense.
16. I was arrested for stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
17. I’m going to become a C.E.O. (Clock and Eye Owner).
18. If history repeats itself, I’m getting a dinosaur for my birthday.
19. It’s about time someone made a movie about clocks, it’s about tick-tick-ticking time.
20. I asked a farmer what time it was, he said goat milking time.
Ticking Time Puns (Pun Juxtaposition)
1. I told a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it. It must have been too late.
2. I was going to make a joke about clocks, but it was too time-consuming.
3. The clock had a hand that was a bit slow. It just needed a second to catch up.
4. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
5. When I don’t understand something, I turn to the watch. It always has hands to explain.
6. I was in a game show where the questions were about clocks. It was a race against time.
7. I just read a book about clocks. It was about time!
8. I was about to tell a joke about daylight savings time, but it’s too early.
9. When a clock goes bad, it ticks me off.
10. The clock wanted to catch up on some sleep, so it put its hands to bed.
11. I made a clock that runs backwards. It’s going to be a timeless piece.
12. The man who invented the clock must have had a lot of time on his hands.
13. My watch isn’t working. I guess it’s time for a new one.
14. They call me Father Time because I have a lot of grandkids.
15. My clock is late for everything. I think it’s trying to wind me up.
16. I’ve got a clock that’s more than a century old. It came just in the Nick of time.
17. I don’t trust atoms. They make up everything, including the time on my watch.
18. I was trying to doze off, but all the clocks in the house had different timing. It was a real snoozefest.
19. Have you heard about that new time-management book? It’s about putting your minutes to good use.
20. My clock broke, but I can fix that in no time.
Time’s A Pun (Puns on Time Names)
1. Clock Kent
2. Time Moore
3. Sarah Seconds
4. Timely Taylor
5. Tick Tockman
6. Minute Mason
7. Hours Harris
8. Yearly Yates
9. Hourly Howard
10. Secondhand Smith
11. Stopwatch Summers
12. Minute Milner
13. Timed Tyson
14. Watcher Winters
15. Weekley West
16. Stopwatch Stevens
17. Minute Mccall
18. Hourglass Holmes
19. Timely Tyler
20. Stopwatch Singh
Time for Some Tongue Twisters (Spoonerisms on Time Puns)
1. Race against the wine
2. Dime is running out
3. Crime of lunch
4. Sock of the lime
5. Nit’s about time
6. Blame the cluck
7. Lick of the thock
8. Grime flies when you’re having fun
9. Wishful hinking
10. Time batch
11. Sleep o’clock
12. Chew the leaf
13. Leisurely legend
14. Crack pot of thime
15. Wasting thyme
16. Through the bars
17. Quicker than lime
18. Call it a bay
19. Busting the wall of thyme
20. Stay back in time
Timeless Tom Swifties (Time Puns)
1. “I always forget the time in Moscow,” Tom said Russian-ly.
2. “I’m going to be late!” Tom exclaimed tardily.
3. “I can’t wait to go back in time,” Tom said retroactively.
4. “The new clock was disappointing,” Tom said second-handedly.
5. “I never waste time,” Tom said timely.
6. “I need to finish this now,” Tom said impatiently.
7. “I’m glad we have a few extra minutes,” Tom said timely.
8. “I’m not sure when we should leave,” Tom said indecisively.
9. “I hate waking up early,” Tom said sleepily.
10. “It’s about time we got going,” Tom said punctually.
11. “I’m so sorry we’re late,” Tom said apologetically.
12. “I’m glad I have enough time to get ready,” Tom said leisurely.
13. “I can’t believe how fast time flies,” Tom said quickly.
14. “I can’t wait to see the future,” Tom said futuristically.
15. “I’m running out of time,” Tom said desperately.
16. “I’m glad we made it just in time,” Tom said timely.
17. “I can’t believe it’s already midnight,” Tom said darkly.
18. “I always try to be on time,” Tom said punctually.
19. “I’m going to enjoy this moment,” Tom said contentedly.
20. “I can’t believe how much time I spent on this project,” Tom said timingly.
Chronological Contradictions (Oxymoronic Puns)
1. Time flies like a sloth on speed.
2. This clock ticks but never moves forward.
3. It’s late, but I’m early for procrastination.
4. The early bird catches the slowly moving worm.
5. Don’t waste time rushing, time never waits.
6. An hour spent reading is an hour of lost productivity.
7. Time heals all wounds, but sometimes it’s a slow process.
8. The shortest way to waste time is doing paperwork.
9. Time management is the art of doing nothing efficiently.
10. My time is precious, but I’ll spend it browsing memes.
11. Time is money, but money can’t buy time.
12. The time has come to procrastinate later.
13. I miss the good old days when I had more time to waste.
14. The time will never be right, so just do it wrong.
15. Late is fashionably early and early is always late.
16. Time is a thief that robs us of our youth and replaces it with back pain.
17. The present is a gift, but I’ll exchange it for a nap.
18. Time is like a treadmill, but without any health benefits.
19. I should be productive, but I choose to watch paint dry.
20. Time will tell if I ever get around to doing anything.
Tick-Talk: The Recursive Puns on Time
1. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
2. I used to be afraid of the dark, but now I’m afraid of the electricity bill.
3. I’m reading a book on the history of glue – I just can’t seem to put it down.
4. I hate Russian dolls. They’re so full of themselves.
5. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too low. She looked surprised.
6. I told my wife she was wearing too much eye shadow. She looked at me with surprise.
7. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
8. I’m really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
9. Archaeologists will never date me. They always say I’m too old-fashioned.
10. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
11. I hate going to the airport. It gives me plane anxiety.
12. I was going to make a time pun about claustrophobia, but it’s too up-close and personnel.
13. I’m terrible at telling time. I need another hour or two to figure it out.
14. I’m trying to organize a hide and seek competition, but it’s really hard to find good players.
15. I was going to tell you a joke about time, but it hasn’t come to me yet.
16. You should never trust a clock salesman. They’re always trying to sell you second hands.
17. I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
18. I’m trying to make a time pun about procrastination, but I can’t seem to get around to it.
19. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
20. I was going to make a time pun about infidelity, but that’s just second-hand knowledge.
Tick-Talk: Punderful Time Puns (Puns on Cliches)
1. Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana, but sometimes time flies like a bird and crashes into a window.
2. Time heals all wounds, but it also causes wrinkles and gray hair.
3. Time waits for no man, but it does wait for a good cup of coffee.
4. Time is money, but sometimes time is just a confused traveler who lost their wallet.
5. A stitch in time saves nine, but a stitch in time also saves your favorite shirt.
6. Better late than never, but sometimes it’s better to be late and bring cupcakes for everyone.
7. Time is of the essence, but sometimes it’s also of the pepperoni pizza.
8. Time and tide wait for no man, but they do wait for good manners and a kind heart.
9. Time is a thief, but it’s also a magician who can turn bad days into good ones.
10. Time marches on, but sometimes it also does the Macarena.
11. Lost time is never found again, but sometimes it’s hiding behind the couch cushions with your spare change.
12. Time is a great storyteller, but it also likes to exaggerate a little.
13. Time is the fire in which we burn, but it’s also the campfire where we make s’mores.
14. A watched pot never boils, but an unwatched pot sometimes turns into a raging inferno.
15. Time is like a river, it flows and never stops, but sometimes it also gets caught in a traffic jam.
16. Time is the most valuable thing a person can spend, but sometimes the dollar menu is just too tempting.
17. Time is a gift, but it’s the gift that keeps on giving with deadlines and meetings.
18. Time is a flat circle, but sometimes it’s a rollercoaster we can’t get off.
19. Time is the greatest of all teachers, but sometimes it forgets to give us the answer key.
20. Time waits for no one, but it does wait for a good song to dance to.
In conclusion, we hope these 200+ hilarious time puns have tickled your funny bone and made you laugh your clocks off! Don’t forget to check out other puns on our website and share the laughter with your friends and family. We appreciate you taking the time to visit our site and hope you had a good time.
