Sword Puns: 220 Hilarious and Sharp-witted Wordplays for the Ultimate Blade Banter

Punsteria Team
sword puns

Looking for ways to sharpen your pun game? Look no further than these sword puns! Whether you’re a knight in training or a seasoned warrior, these wordplays will have you wielding your wit like a master swordsman. From puns about medieval weapons to clever quips about swordplay, this collection of over 200 jokes is sure to make you laugh and keep you on the cutting edge of comedy. So grab your blade and get ready for some hilariously sharp banter. These sword puns are guaranteed to make an impression and leave you feeling victorious. Get ready to parry and thrust your way through some side-splitting humor with these ultimate blade puns!

“Sharp Wit: A Collection of Sword Puns” (Editors Pick)

1. I wear a sword because I’m more afraid of pushing up daisies than getting injured.

2. Don’t bring a knife to a sword fight, you’ll be overwhelmed!

3. Why did the sword take a selfie? For fencing purposes.

4. A sword got thrown out of a bar because it was too sharp.

5. A knight in shining armor has never had to worry about data breaches – he’s always protected by his trusty sword.

6. How do you know if a swordfish is powerful? It has a point.

7. A clever sword can definitely cut straight to the chase.

8. My friends told me my collection of swords was getting out of hand. I think they’re just jealous of my affection for my sharp companions.

9. Sharpen up on your sword skills – you never know when you’ll need to defend your honor!

10. I know this sounds bad, but I seem to have misplaced my sword. I have to cut down on my forgetfulness.

11. They always say “swords before words,” but I like to use them in tandem.

12. What’s the difference between a sword and a pen? One is mightier than the other!

13. A sword’s value isn’t just in its sharpness, but also in the courage of the one who wields it.

14. I wouldn’t want to be a sword swallower…it would really cut me up inside.

15. A good sword can really cut to the core of a problem.

16. I never knew how much I needed a sword until I met my wife – now I can say I’m married to my soul mate and my sword mate.

17. Even though he fibs sometimes, that pirate captain does know his swords like the back of his hand!

18. You’ll know I’m out of my element if I show up to a sword fight without my trusty blade; after all, I’m used to cutting edge experiences.

19. Want to protect your heart from harm? Carry a sword and stake the competition!

20. You know when it’s not a good time to use a sword? When you’re making puns, because you’ll just end up fencing in.

Sharp-witted Swordplay (One-liner Puns)

1. A swordsmith who went bankrupt started selling counterfeit blades. He was fencing fake swords.
2. I can never seem to find my sword when I need it. I guess I lack fencerity.
3. I used to fence with a blind guy, but he always seemed to have a point.
4. The samurai car company tried to make an eco-friendly sword. It was a hybridzukuri.
5. When the pirate captain lost his sword, he searched high and low. Eventually, it turned up in his scabbard.
6. I’m training to compete in swordfighting, but I keep cutting corners.
7. After losing his sword in a card game, the knight exclaimed “I can’t handle this de-spade-ism anymore!”
8. The ninja’s sword was looking chipped and dull, so he took it to a bladesmith to get it sharpened. He wanted a sharp katana-tion.
9. There’s a fencing competition coming up, but I’m worried I won’t make the cut.
10. I knew I should have brought my sword to the costume party. I feel like a rapier witout it.
11. The swordsman questioned his trust in his sword, but ultimately decided to stick with it.
12. Every time I try to improve my swordfighting technique, I feel like I’m taking a stab in the dark.
13. The sword-fighting tournament was a cut-throat competition.
14. They won’t let people bring swords to the Renaissance fair anymore. It’s a foiled plan.
15. The blacksmith had to quit making swords because of health problems. He developed a case of the Iron Eels.
16. The sword feels lighter today. Must have been on a diet of sword-berries.
17. If you’re ever in a swordfight, just remember the point is to win.
18. The sword master had a lot of student apprentices, but they were cut out for the job.
19. The pirate had to get a second sword, he felt like the cutlass wasn’t enough to get the job done.
20. I’ll never forget that one fateful day when my sword fell out of its scabbard. It was a real blade-runner.

Sharp Shenanigans (Question-and-Answer Puns on Sword Puns)

1. What did the pirate say when he lost his sword? “I’ve been dis-armed!”
2. How do you know a knight eats healthy? He always has a balanced sword!
3. Why did the blacksmith quit making swords? He just didn’t have the edge anymore.
4. What do you call a sword with a cold? A-chuuuu-tung!
5. How did the sword break up with her boyfriend? She said, “It’s not you, it’s Epee.”
6. What do you call a lazy swordfighter? A swash-duller.
7. What do you call a sword that’s impossible to pull out of its scabbard? Sword of the Stone.
8. Why did the medieval king break up with his sword? It just didn’t cut it anymore.
9. How do you know when a swordsmanship tournament is ending? They say, “That’s a wrapier!”
10. Why was the sword always full of gas? Because it was a fARTillery sword.
11. What do you call a swordfish who’s also a DJ? Beat Slice.
12. Why don’t ninjas use swords? They prefer to stay sharp by throwing shade.
13. Why did the sword go to the dance studio? To learn how to fenci-ng!
14. What do you call a sword that’s obsessed with itself? A vanity saber.
15. Why did the sword join the gym? To work on its cardio and sword-core.
16. How does a sword express its thanks? By saying, “I’m very greatsword-ful.”
17. Why are swords such bad storytellers? They always drag-on.
18. How do swordfish stay cool in the ocean? They use their fishtory fans!
19. What do you call a sword that’s been stolen by a baby? An infant-ry sword.
20. Why did the sword decide to retire? It had reached the point of no return.

Sword Play: A Double-Edged Collection of Pun-derful Sword Puns

1. I sword of want to be a knight.
2. He had a point to make with his sword.
3. Sheathed weapons can be a real turn off.
4. His sword was a cut above the rest.
5. She was thrust into battle with a mighty sword.
6. It’s not the size of the sword, it’s how you wield it.
7. The sword fight was quite the exhibition of skill.
8. She was an expert at handling her long, hard sword.
9. The swordsman had a sharp wit to match his blade.
10. Double-edged swords can be tricky to handle.
11. Swinging a sword can really work up a sweat.
12. A sword through the heart can be quite painful.
13. The sword in the stone was a real game changer.
14. A sword can cut both ways in a fight.
15. The sword duel was a battle of who had the biggest blade.
16. He was always looking for a sword to fall on.
17. She loved the feeling of steel in her hand.
18. It’s not the sword, it’s the swordsman that makes the cut.
19. A sword in the hand is worth two in the stone.
20. A dull sword is a chink in the armor.

Swipe Right for Sword Puns (Puns in Idioms)

1. I can’t find my sword, it’s a real pain in the hilt.
2. He lost his sword, now he’s feeling blade.
3. I thought I was getting a good deal on a sword, but it turned out to have a lot of hidden costs.
4. She’s the sharpest sword in the armory.
5. They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but have you ever tried fighting off a dragon with a pen?
6. A sword in hand is worth two in the bush.
7. It’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war, especially if you have a sword.
8. He’s not the sharpest sword in the sheath.
9. The sword of Damocles hangs over his head.
10. I couldn’t find anyone to join my sword-fighting class, so it was just me by my lonesword.
11. My sword has been feeling a little rusty lately.
12. One sword does not make a battle.
13. I’m terrible at sword-fighting, but hey, at least I’m pointy in the right direction.
14. I tried to organize a swordsmanship tournament, but it was a bit of a double-edged sword.
15. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it swordfight.
16. A sword is only as good as the hand that wields it.
17. Some people are born with a silver sword in their mouth.
18. He came to battle without a sword, what was he thinking?!
19. I’m trying to come up with a witty sword pun, but I’m afraid I’ll just keep jabbing at the point.
20. A sword-fighter once told me, “Never bring a sword to a pun fight.”

Swing into Action: Sword Puns that cut both ways (Pun Juxtaposition)

1. The fortune teller had a sharp wit — she always saw things coming.
2. The swordsmith was a real cut-up at parties.
3. I found a sword in a scrap heap — talk about metal detecting!
4. A knight in shining armor doesn’t need a screwdriver because he has a chival-ry.
5. The swordfighter’s favorite vegetable was chard, because it was a cut above the rest.
6. The samurai was great at karaoke because he always hit his ma-tones.
7. The fencing coach was arrested for larceny — apparently he was caught in the acteo.
8. The swordfish couldn’t believe he’d been filleted — he’d been fin-ished!
9. The medieval noble was appalled at the cleanliness of his subjects — he liked his swords dirty.
10. The two-handed sword was surprisingly light — it really was a cutlass above the rest.
11. The scabbard salesman’s business really took off — he was putting sheaths on seats.
12. The rapier wit was always in demand at parties.
13. The sword swallower’s new act involved putting utensils in precarious positions — he was really playing fork-nife with his life.
14. The pirate knew the value of a good sword — he was really cut-throat about it.
15. The medieval blacksmith’s joke was a real blunderbuss — it never hit its mark.
16. The sword dealer wasn’t convinced the shipment was worth the money — he thought the swords were too long and a-forgedable.
17. The toy store started selling plastic swords — they were blade by Mattel.
18. The swordsman was also a hairdresser — he was always giving people a close shave.
19. The sword fight was going well until one of them lost his temper — he was disarmed!
20. The swordsman’s new move was a flourish — it was a cut above the rest.

Sword-acious Puns (Pun-tastic Names for Sword Lovers)

1. Sharpay Swordevant
2. Wilma Swordfight
3. Lancelot Bladeington
4. Katanu Cutz
5. Sabrina Sabre
6. Claymore McBladeface
7. Dirk Daggers
8. Gladius Gladstone
9. Katana Kabelo
10. Rapier Rayburn
11. Shiv Sharma
12. Halberd Hammerstein
13. Cutlass Carson
14. Broadsword Brock
15. Foil Forbes
16. Saberina Sanchez
17. Cutler Cutwright
18. Scimitar Scottsdale
19. Epee Edwards
20. Sable Steele

Swordplay with Words: Silly Spoonerisms to Make You Laugh

1. “Snore and sword” instead of “Sword and sorcery”
2. “Killer diller sword thriller” instead of “Killer thriller sword diller”
3. “Lord of the swords” instead of “Lord of the rings”
4. “Sword swallower” instead of “Swore sallower”
5. “Sordid affair” instead of “Foul affair”
6. Sword to death” instead of “Word to death
7. “The sword and the fury” instead of “The sound and the fury”
8. “Swordplay” instead of “Play sword”
9. Swordfish” instead of “Fish sword
10. “Sword of Damocles” instead of “Damocles sword”
11. “Sword of truth” instead of “Truth sword”
12. Sharp sword” instead of “Sorcery wolf
13. “Sword and sandal” instead of “Sand and swordal”
14. “Sword of justice” instead of “Justice of sword”
15. Sword wielding” instead of “Word shielding
16. “Sword in the stone” instead of “Stone in the sword”
17. “Sword of destiny” instead of “Destiny of sword”
18. Sword of fire” instead of “Fire of sword
19. “Sword and shield” instead of “Shield and sword”
20. “Sword of vengeance” instead of “Vengeance of sword”

Swordplay Wordplay: Tom Swifties with Blades

1. “I can’t find my sword,” Tom said bluntly.
2. “I love swords,” Tom said cuttingly.
3. “This sword is quite heavy,” Tom said gravely.
4. “I won the sword fight,” Tom said victoriously.
5. “This rapier is perfect,” Tom said pointedly.
6. “I sharpened my sword today,” Tom said edgily.
7. “I just got this new sword,” Tom said eagerly.
8. “I can’t wait to duel again,” Tom said fence-ively.
9. “This sword is a bit too long,” Tom said distantly.
10. “That sword broke easily,” Tom said sharply.
11. “I’ll never forget my sword fighting lessons,” Tom said soon-to-be-swordily.
12. “I can’t believe I lost,” Tom said dejectedly.
13. “I can’t sheath this sword,” Tom said unstoppably.
14. “This sword was worth every penny,” Tom said expens-ively.
15. “I prefer the broadsword,” Tom said broadly.
16. “I wish I could carry a sword everywhere,” Tom said unsheath-ingly.
17. “I prefer the saber,” Tom said sharply.
18. “I’m always ready for a sword fight,” Tom said pointedly.
19. “I need to buy a new sword,” Tom said cuttingly.
20. I’ll never forget my sword’s name,” Tom said legend-arily.

Contradictory Sword Play (Oxymoronic Sword Puns)

1. Why did the sword go to the doctor? It had a splitting headache.
2. The sword was so sharp, it was almost dull.
3. The knight was armed and disarmed at the same time.
4. The sword was feeling in low spirits, but it was still high maintenance.
5. The sword was so blunt, it caused a sharp pain.
6. The sword was short, but it had a long reach.
7. The sword was dull, but it had a sharp wit.
8. The sword was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.
9. The sword was silent, but deadly hilarious.
10. The sword was sweet, but it had a sour disposition.
11. The sword was tired, but it needed some edge.
12. The sword was fine, but it always had a point.
13. The sword was dull, but it still had an edge over its competitors.
14. The knight’s sword was rusted, yet it was still polished.
15. The sword was dull as a doorknob, but sharp as a tack.
16. The sword was light as a feather, yet weighty in responsibility.
17. The knight’s sword was cold steel, but warm-hearted.
18. The sword was old and rusty, but still had a good edge to it.
19. The sword was sharp as a whip, but gentle as a lamb.
20. The sword was fragile, but broken in.

Swash-buckle up for some sword-ious fun (Recursive Sword Puns)

1. Why did the sword break up with the pen? It was tired of all the drawn-out fights.

2. I saw a sword fight between an octopus and a crab. It was an ink-redible battle.

3. Did you hear about the sword that wanted to be a knight? It had a point.

4. The adventurer with the rusty sword kept getting attacked. He was in dire rust for a break.

5. Why couldn’t the sword make it to work on time? It kept getting sheathed in.

6. The sword was always a bit stuck up. It had a knighty attitude.

7. I saw an alligator trying to wield a sword. It was croc-ky.

8. Why did the sword go to the therapist? It had issues with commitment.

9. I heard a rumor about a rogue sword that belonged to a famous athlete. It was a sports-sword.

10. The sword had a crush on the hammer. It was smitten.

11. I saw a sword fighting an axe. It was definitely a cut above the rest.

12. The sword discovered its true calling and became a chef. It was cleaver.

13. Why did the sword refuse to dance? It had two left scabbards.

14. Did you see the sword that was really into drama? It was a thespian.

15. The sword became a bartender. It always had a sharp wit.

16. Why did the sword refuse to take a bath? It didn’t want to be disarmed.

17. The sword was self-conscious about its small size. It really needed to grow a pair-of-dents.

18. Did you hear about the sword that always had a positive outlook? It was flat-out optimistic.

19. The sword became a lawyer and learned the art of sword-manship.

20. Why did the sword join the army? It wanted to be at the cutting edge of the action.

“Sharp Wit and Wordplay: Slicing through Clichés with Sword Puns”

1. A knight’s sword is mightier than his pen.
2. You’re a cut above the rest.
3. It’s time to sharpen your skills.
4. Two swords are better than one.
5. They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but a pen can’t slice through steel.
6. I’ve been sword to secrecy.
7. The sword of Damocles hangs over your head.
8. Let’s cross swords.
9. A sword in hand is worth two in the scabbard.
10. Take up your sword and fight like a man.
11. I’m fencing you in.
12. You’re double-edged like a sword.
13. The sword is mightier than the wand.
14. It’s time to forge ahead.
15. You can’t put the sword back in the stone.
16. Steel yourself for battle.
17. You’re a true blade runner.
18. Sword puns? They’re a real blade in the neck.
19. The sword is the cornerstone of knighthood.
20. It’s better to have a sword and not need it than to need a sword and not have it.

In conclusion, we hope these sword puns have given you a good laugh and sharpened your wit. If you’ve enjoyed this article, be sure to check out the other puns on our website for more humorous wordplay. Thank you for visiting and may your sword banter be forever sharp!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.