200+ Hilarious Auction Puns to Bid on Laughs and Win Every Comedy Auction

Punsteria Team
auction puns

Ready to hammer down some serious laughter? Bid farewell to boredom as we present you with a priceless collection of 200+ hilarious auction puns that are sure to get you laughing all the way to the bank—of humor, that is! Whether you’re a seasoned bidder or simply a pun connoisseur, these wordplays are the ultimate steal. From gavel giggles to bidding blunders, we’ve curated the best quips to ensure every joke is a winning lot. So, prep your paddles and let’s raise the stakes on fun, because when it comes to comedy, we guarantee these auction puns are going, going, gone… straight to your funny bone! Get ready to bid on laughs and win every comedy auction with wordplay that’s way above the reserve price! 🎤⚒️😂

Top Bids for Laughs: Auction Puns You Can’t Afford to Miss (Editors Pick)

1. I bid you a great day at the auction.
2. I tried to avoid the auction, but I got drawn in by the silent bidders.
3. You never know what will come up next at an auction; it’s the bid of the unknown.
4. Auction addicts love when things go under the hammer – they just can’t resist the gavel.
5. When an item’s price went up, I thought I’d lost, but then I won – talk about a lot to process!
6. Bidding at auctions is a non-frivolous matter; you can’t just play it by ear.
7. The auctioneer’s favorite type of coffee is a bid of espresso.
8. Did you hear about the auctioneer who broke up with his girlfriend? He just wasn’t sold on the relationship.
9. When it comes to auctions, a good lot can happen in a short amount of time.
10. I lost at the auction due to a technicality. Apparently, they couldn’t accept my two cents.
11. I was going to buy a book on auctions, but I was outbid at the last second.
12. Why was the belt passed over at the auction? It was just a waist of money.
13. I was going to make a career as an auctioneer, but I just couldn’t keep up with the bid pace.
14. The auctioneer was such a fast talker, he could sell ice to an Eskimo with just one bid.
15. Auctioneers are the only people who can always count on getting a good reception because everyone’s always raising their hands.
16. Winning at an auction is great, but it can sometimes leave your wallet in pieces of eight.
17. Some say that the best comedians could have been auctioneers because they really know how to hold the bid-ience in the palm of their hands.
18. A fish swimming backwards at an auction? Now that’s what I call re-bidding.
19. I told myself no more puns about auctions, but I just can’t seem to quit cold lot.
20. Knock, knock. Who’s there? Owen. Owen who? Owen the goods after winning them at an auction!

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold on Silliness (Auction One-Liners)

1. My friend’s bakery went up for auction; it was a lot of dough at stake.
2. I decided to auction my vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust anyway.
3. The auction for the boat was quite a buoyant affair.
4. Remember, if you buy a calendar at an auction, your days are numbered.
5. They auctioned a fruit basket; it was the apple of everyone’s eye.
6. At the shoe auction, I made a bid on a sole.
7. The auctioneer loved telling jokes; he always had the last laugh with the highest bid.
8. I bought a thesaurus at the auction, but when I got home, it was just full of blank pages. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
9. The skeleton auction was so lively, it was bone to be wild.
10. The musician’s instruments were auctioned off – they went for song.
11. An artist’s paintings were up for auction, but the bidding was quite a sketchy affair.
12. The auction for the pun book was intense, everyone kept raising the bar.
13. Auctions on hot days are like saunas, everyone’s just sweating the bids.
14. I went to an auction for used batteries, but the energy in the room was quite flat.
15. The mime auction was strange, it wasn’t very outspoken but the actions spoke louder than words.
16. The auctioneer retired and gave a final speech; it was end of an era but the bid-ding of his retirement.
17. I won a bunch of balloons at the auction. It really elevated my spirits.
18. At the livestock auction, the cows were up for bid-ding; it was utterly exciting.
19. My neighbor sold his houseboat at the auction, he sailed away with a good deal.
20. I tried to buy some camo pants at an auction, but I just couldn’t find them.

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold on Silliness! (Auction Q&A Puns)

1. Q: What do you call an auctioneer who doesn’t tell the truth?
A: A bid fibber.

2. Q: Why did the fish stop bidding at the auction?
A: It had reached its net worth.

3. Q: Why was everyone so quiet at the silent auction?
A: They were all trying to win a mime.

4. Q: What do you call an auctioneer with a cold?
A: Under the weather bidder fella.

5. Q: Why don’t auctions ever get lonely?
A: Because they always have a lot of bids!

6. Q: How do you know if a vampire held an auction?
A: There were lots of blood bids.

7. Q: Why was the belt sold for a discount at the auction?
A: It was a waist of money.

8. Q: What do you call an auctioneer who can’t stay in tune?
A: An off-key bidder.

9. Q: Where do cows go to bid on art?
A: The mooseum auction.

10. Q: Why did the baker go to the auction?
A: To make the highest dough.

11. Q: What did the auctioneer say when selling a broken pencil?
A: “Who will draw the line?”

12. Q: Why did the pen stop bidding at the auction?
A: It ran out of ink-ome.

13. Q: Why was the computer so good at auctions?
A: Because it always had the highest byte.

14. Q: What do you call a really aggressive auctioneer?
A: A hammerhead shark.

15. Q: How can you spot a rich pirate at an auction?
A: He’s the one bidding on the booty.

16. Q: Why don’t secrets do well at auctions?
A: Because they always go unsold.

17. Q: What do you call when livestock is up for auction?
A: A bid-a-farm.

18. Q: Why did the ghost go to the auction?
A: To bid on some boooo-tiful antiques.

19. Q: Why did the tomato turn red at the auction?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing table up for bid.

20. Q: What’s an auctioneer’s favorite type of music?
A: Bid n’ Bass.

Bid You Hear That One? (Double Entendre Auction Puns)

1. You could say I have a lot to offer… at the auction!
2. I’m sold on the idea of going to the auction.
3. My love for auctions? It’s a bidding affair.
4. I always take stock at auctions – livestock, that is.
5. At the auction, I’m not just good. I’m lot better.
6. To make a bid or not to bid, that is the auction.
7. Winning a bid is quite a lot to handle.
8. Bidders are always upping the ante, especially when antiques are involved.
9. Going once, going twice, and I’m third-wheeling at the auction.
10. Auction enthusiasts never buckle under pressure; they love the belt tightening.
11. I hammer out deals at auctions—one gavel at a time.
12. If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the auctioneer.
13. Keep your friends close and your bid paddles closer.
14. An auction’s appeal? It’s fair and square foot by foot.
15. Love is like an auction; it goes to the highest bidder.
16. Every meeting at an auction is a lot of fun.
17. With auctions, you either win or it’s someone else’s lot in life.
18. You never want to table your bid at an auction.
19. They say time is money, but at an auction, it’s time that’s on the clock.
20. If you can’t find happiness, maybe you’re not bidding high enough at the auction house.

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold on Laughs: The Gavel Drops on Auction Puns

1. I put my foot in my mouth during the auction; I ended up bidding on athlete’s sole.
2. It’s no use crying over spilt milk, especially not over the one that got auctioned for a thousand dollars.
3. Auctioneers make great comedians; they always know when to deliver the punchline.
4. I was going to buy a book on auctions, but I got outbid at the last chapter.
5. My friend’s bakery failed because he tried to auction his bread, but it was always a stalemate.
6. Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched, unless you’re at a poultry auction.
7. That auctioneer is admired for his ability to call a spade a spade, and then sell it.
8. Auctions on boats are quite popular; it’s a bid of a different oar.
9. I wasn’t sure about buying the haunted painting, but in the end, I took a ghost of a chance at the auction.
10. You can lead a horse to water, but you’ll get a better price if you auction it.
11. I wanted to buy a clock at the auction, but I didn’t have the time to bid.
12. The auction for the invisible shirt was quite strange; it was unseamly to see nothing go for so much.
13. I lost my job at the auction house for stealing idioms; they caught me going once, going twice, sold!
14. A pencil was up for auction, but it was pointless without an eraser included.
15. The artist auctioned a picture of a cow; he described it as a rare medium well done.
16. The baker auctioned a loaf of bread with a hole in it; it was the yeast necessary.
17. Wine auctions are great for those who want to cellarbrate a good purchase.
18. The wig auction was a hairy situation; the bids kept toupeeing each other.
19. The magician’s equipment was auctioned off, but the prices disappeared quickly.
20. The gardener tried to auction a shrub but it was a bush-league move.

“Going Once, Going Twice: The Humor Bid (Pun Juxtaposition)”

1. I tried to auction off a calendar, but it had too many dates.
2. The auction house was so loud, I couldn’t hear the bidders over their own cymbal-ism.
3. The countdown at the space memorabilia auction was quite the “laut” experience.
4. Fruit at the auction really raised the bidding “peel.”
5. I won a boomerang at an auction; it was the gift that keeps on “return on investment.”
6. Antique mirrors never do well at auctions, they’re always a reflection of bad investments.
7. At the seafood auction, the shellfish were up for grab.
8. Trees were sold at an auction, but the bidders were stumped on the price.
9. The paddle sale at the auction was quite an “oar-deal.”
10. The lot of clocks at the auction was a timely investment.
11. It’s not wise to buy toilets at an auction; they’re too high-maintenance.
12. Surprisingly, the hammer at the auction wasn’t the final bid.
13. Auctioning off yoga mats was quite the stretch.
14. A baker’s auction is always rising to the occasion.
15. Gardening tools went for a good price at the auction; you could say the bidding was raking in money.
16. The auction was such a hit; it was definitely the main eventor.
17. Selling pirate DVDs at an auction was a total shipshow.
18. The vampire’s goods at the auction didn’t sell; there were too many stakes.
19. The haunted house auction was spirited bidding.
20. The beekeeper’s auction was abuzz with activity.

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold on Puns: The Auction Block of Laughs

1. “Bidder Sweet Victories”
2. “Gavel & Gravitas”
3. “Going, Going, Gown”
4. “Art of the Steal”
5. “Lot of Fun”
6. “Hammer Time Homestead”
7. “Auction Jackson”
8. “Bid on My Wayward Son”
9. “Sold as Gold”
10. “Price Sight”
11. “The Fast and the Curious”
12. “Estate of Play”
13. “Buy Another Day”
14. “Antique Peaks”
15. “Clare’s Bidfair”
16. “Soldier of Fortune”
17. “Bid Me Up Scotty”
18. “Lance-a-lot’s Auction House”
19. “Raise the Paddle”
20. “Cash and Carrie’s Auctions”

“Going Once, Going Twice: Sold on Spoonerisms!”

1. Hightest bitter – Brightest hitter
2. Gavel band – Bavel gand
3. Lot clumber – Clot lumber
4. Going once, soing guice – Going twice, toing sunce
5. Fast gavel – Gast favel
6. Bid taker – Tib daker
7. Sold to the stayer – Told to the slayer
8. Auction ear – Ection ar
9. Starting dote – Darting stote
10. Reserve spice – Speserve rice
11. Cash you can berry – Bash you can carry
12. Pinting wares – Wainting pares
13. Ended action – Anted ection
14. Price soar – Spice rore
15. Winner spikes – Spinner wikes
16. Lose cash – Chose lash
17. Collectible shales – Selectible chales
18. Bidding roar – Ridding boar
19. Final stammer – Stinal fammer
20. Hammer cow – Cammer how

Going, Going, Gavel-ed! (Tom Swifties on the Auction Block)

1. “I’ll raise the bid,” Tom offered incrementally.
2. “I’ve won the first item,” Tom declared victoriously.
3. “I hate being outbid,” Tom said, surpassingly upset.
4. “I’m cataloging every item,” Tom listed meticulously.
5. “This auction is illegal,” Tom stated prohibitively.
6. “I’m only interested in the artwork,” Tom framed aesthetically.
7. “Do I hear a higher bid?” Tom asked, questioningly.
8. “I shouldn’t have bought that,” Tom regretted remorsefully.
9. “I’ll take the antique vase,” Tom said, fragilely.
10. “I’ve got the highest bid,” Tom pointed out loftily.
11. “I’m winning this for my wife,” Tom bid tenderly.
12. “I always win silent auctions,” Tom whispered quietly.
13. “This is the final call,” Tom concluded conclusively.
14. “I’m buying the haunted painting,” Tom remarked, spiritedly.
15. “I guess I’ll start the bidding,” Tom proposed initially.
16. “I’ll throw in a bonus offer,” Tom added gratuitously.
17. “I’m going for the rare coin collection,” Tom observed, changeably.
18. “I’m getting this at a bargain,” Tom assessed, valuably.
19. “I bet there’s a secret item,” Tom suspected, mysteriously.
20. “I sold everything I listed,” Tom auctioned off successfully.

“Bidding Farewell to Logic: Oxymoronic Auction Antics”

1. It was a clearly ambiguous bid.
2. Act naturally when you poorly execute your stealthy bidding technique.
3. Found a genuine fake antique at the auction.
4. It was an open secret when the silent auction became loudly competitive.
5. Making a seriously funny joke about the overpriced painting.
6. The millionaire bidder is simply complicated.
7. Placing a bid was pretty ugly.
8. He made a bid loudly whispering to the auctioneer.
9. The organized chaos of the bidding war was something to behold.
10. Winning the auction was a bittersweet defeat for my wallet.
11. It was a small crowd at the huge auction house.
12. Made an awfully nice snipe at the last second.
13. That antique is so new it’s old.
14. It’s a known mystery how the final bid will turn out.
15. The silent auctioneer had a deafening presence.
16. I was clearly confused by the rapid auctioneer’s chant.
17. It’s an open secret that the auction is rigged.
18. The friendly competition for the antique was pretty fierce.
19. Winning that useless treasure was seriously pointless.
20. The bidder was alone together with his thoughts in the crowded room.

Going Once, Going Twice, Punned Again: Recursive Auction Antics

1. Did you hear about the auction at the gym? It was quite the bid physical!
2. After the gym auction, it seems the stakes are raised and weights are too!
3. When barbells were up for auction, bidding became quite a lifting experience.
4. With dumbbells sold, the next lot will surely raise the bar(bell)!
5. As kettlebells rang in the final bid, the auctioneer had a swinging success.
6. Treadmills went next, and the bidders really stepped up the pace!
7. Once the treadmills sold, everyone had to sprint to the next item.
8. Stationary bikes spun into action, and bidding took off like a cycle race.
9. Post bike auction, the next item wheeled in had big shoes to fill.
10. Yoga mats unrolled into the auction, and bids stretched to new lengths.
11. The mats sold, and the auction moved onto more flexible terms.
12. Resistance bands came up, and the tension in the room really pulled the crowd.
13. With bands snapped up, the auction’s stretch goals were being met.
14. Punching bags swung into the lot, and bidders had to fight for the knockout bid.
15. After the bags were hit, the next item up punched above its weight.
16. Jump ropes skipped onto the block, and bids were hopping.
17. Post-rope bids, buyers had to jump through hoops for the next lot.
18. Weight benches pressed into the auction, and bidders raised their offer.
19. Once the benches were seated, there was no resting, as bids kept pressing on.
20. With all items auctioned, it was time for the bidders to check out – if they could carry the weight of their new equipment!

Going Once, Going Twice: A Bid of Wit and Wordplay (Auction Puns)

1. I got a lot on my plate at the auction – a whole dinner set, actually!
2. I’m so good at auctions, you could say I have a lot to bid for.
3. I put my heart into the auction, but unfortunately, it wasn’t the highest bidder.
4. When it comes to auctions, I always stand by my motto: “bid high or bid home.”
5. At the auction, everything was going, going, gong – they sold musical instruments, too!
6. I wanted to be an auctioneer, but I could never make a quick buck.
7. I went to an auction for clocks and had a really good time.
8. At the end of the day, the auctioneer’s favorite song is “Money for Nothing and your Chicks for Free.”
9. The auction was a steal – I even bought a safe!
10. Bidding at the auction was intense, it was like a tent sale… with higher stakes.
11. I didn’t win the painting at the auction; I guess you could say I was out of the picture.
12. At the auction, everyone wanted a piece of the pie, but I won the whole tart!
13. I took a gamble at the antique auction, and now my house looks like a deck of cards.
14. If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the bidding war.
15. At the auction, they said everything must go, but my money went the fastest.
16. You can lead a horse to the auction, but you can’t make it bid.
17. I dropped a bundle at the furniture auction – now I’m sitting pretty.
18. I tried to buy a boomerang at the auction, but it just kept coming back to me.
19. The auctioneer was so bad, he couldn’t even sell water to a bidder.
20. They say talk is cheap, until you’re at an auction and every word costs.

And that’s a wrap on our pun-packed auction extravaganza! With over 200 hilarious bids for your funny bone, we hope we’ve hit the gavel on your sense of humor and sold you on some roaring laughs. But don’t worry, the comedy doesn’t have to end here. Our website is overflowing with a treasure trove of puns across all categories that will surely have you bidding for more.

We’re incredibly grateful that you chose to spend your time with us and explore the lighter side of auctions. Your presence has been the ultimate winning bid in our comedic auction house! So, whenever you need a quick pick-me-up or a clever quip to share with friends, remember that our doors are always open for a good chuckle.

Thank you from the bottom of our pun-loving hearts for joining us, and we hope you’ll check back often for a fresh batch of laughter. Until then, keep those bids of joy coming and may every joke land you a winning smile. Happy bidding, and chuckle on!

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Punsteria Team

We're the wordplay enthusiasts behind the puns you love. As lovers of all things punny, we've combined our passion for humor and wordplay to bring you Punsteria. Our team is dedicated to collecting and curating puns that will leave you laughing, groaning, and eager for more.