Are you ready to embark on a pun-tastic journey through the world of James Bond? Look no further, agent – we have just what you need! In this article, we’ve carefully compiled over 200 Bond-inspired puns that are sure to leave you Thunderball-ed, shaken, and not stirred! From hilarious wordplay to clever quips, these puns will have you laughing like an evil mastermind plotting world domination. So whether you’re a die-hard Bond fan or simply someone who appreciates a good laugh, get ready to dive into this collection of puns that would make even 007 himself chuckle. From “Goldfun” to “From Dusk Till Shaker,” these Bond puns are licensed to thrill. Let’s get punning!
“Spectacular 007 Wordplay: Editors Pick”
1. Why did James Bond give up his vegetable garden? Because he had a “License to Kale.”
2. What did James Bond say to the bartender at the art gallery? “I’ll have a Martini, shaken, not stirred…with a twist of Monet.”
3. Why did James Bond refuse to play cards with his friends? Because he always had a “Goldenhand.”
4. What did James Bond say when his math teacher asked if he understood probability? “Yes, I’m well-versed in the odds of ‘For Your Eyes Only.'”
5. How does James Bond prefer his tea? “Brewed… not steamed.”
6. Why did James Bond have a short-lived career as a baker? He couldn’t “Never Say Pie Again.”
7. What did James Bond say when he couldn’t find his car keys? “Sorry, I misplaced my Aston Martin… it’s a real ‘Die Another Day’ment.”
8. How did James Bond become the Steel Drum champion? He had a “Drums of Steel” training program.
9. Why did James Bond join the soccer team instead of playing cricket? He wanted to be the “Spy Who Loved Kicks.”
10. How did James Bond escape the haunted house? He used his “Ghost Protocol.”
11. Why did James Bond always wear a tuxedo to bed? He wanted to have “Quantum of Close.”
12. Why did James Bond never enjoy eating fries? He always felt “Octopussy” about it.
13. How did James Bond escape from the car dealership? He used his “License to Wheel.”
14. Why did James Bond turn down the role of Santa Claus? He didn’t want to be a “Spectre of Christmas.”
15. What did James Bond say to the ghost? “I’m sorry, I can’t ‘From Russia with Boos’ right now.”
16. Why did James Bond become a musician? He wanted to play “Goldfinger on the piano.”
17. How did James Bond become a successful gardener? By using his “Greenfingers.”
18. What did James Bond say when he lost his luggage at the airport? “Sorry, I’ve misplaced my secret ‘Thunderball’ briefcase.”
19. Why was James Bond a terrible lifeguard? He always let things go “Casino Royale.”
20. How did James Bond become a professional painter? He had a “License to Brush.
Double Agent Zingers (James Bond Puns)
1. What do you call James Bond after he retires? Bond-ed.
2. James Bond has a license to grill.
3. James Bond never worries about doing laundry because he has a license to dry.
4. James Bond is a shady character; he always has a license to kill.
5. Why did James Bond become an architect? He likes building spy-ritual homes.
6. James Bond is great at writing letters because he has a license to type.
7. James Bond is a good swimmer because he has a license to dive.
8. Why did James Bond become a gardener? He excels at planting under grass.
9. James Bond is a fan of baking because he has a license to grill.
10. James Bond went to a fancy party, and he bonded with all the guests.
11. Why did James Bond fail as a chef? His recipes were always under-cover.
12. James Bond is very fashionable; he always looks bond-chic.
13. James Bond chose a career in dentistry because he has a license to drill.
14. James Bond opened a bakery, and his signature dish is secret agent-cakes.
15. Why did James Bond become a veterinarian? He loves bond-ing with animals.
16. James Bond loves puzzles because he always cracks bond-breakers.
17. What do you call it when James Bond gets a haircut? A bond-cut.
18. James Bond became a magician because he is good at bond-ing objects.
19. Why did James Bond become a marathon runner? He is always bond-ing forward.
20. James Bond loves astronomy; he always bond-serves the stars.
Pun-filled Probes: Q and A on James Bond Humor
1. What do you call a restaurant that serves only James Bond-themed dishes? The Spy-Fy Grill.
2. Why did James Bond switch from martinis to lemonade? Because he decided to “shake the cold” instead.
3. What does James Bond say when he gets a boo-boo? “It’s just a little Bond-aid.”
4. Why did James Bond refuse to stock up on snacks before a mission? Because he didn’t want to be shaken, nor stirred.
5. Why don’t James Bond’s enemies ever win at card games? Because he always has a “royal flush” up his sleeve.
6. What’s James Bond’s favorite party drink? “Vespa-Martini.”
7. Why did James Bond never use the laundry service? Because he always preferred to “live and let dye.”
8. How does James Bond eat his breakfast? He likes his toast “quantum of sol-e-gg.”
9. What’s James Bond’s favorite insect? The “spy-der.”
10. Why did James Bond apply for a job as a symphony conductor? He wanted to master a “Goldfinger.”
11. What does James Bond say when purchasing a lot of jewels? “Diamonds are for-Heist.”
12. Why did James Bond never invest in stocks? Because he didn’t believe in “live and let buy.”
13. How does James Bond increase his internet speed? He uses a “007-Modem.”
14. Why did James Bond become a phone repair technician? He wanted to “License to Cell.”
15. How does James Bond make his grilled cheese sandwiches? He uses a “spy-der’s web” to catch the cheese.
16. What does James Bond call his personal trainer? “Body-Master.”
17. Why did James Bond never become a stand-up comedian? Because he found that the audience was always “thunderbored.”
18. How does James Bond like his pasta cooked? Al-dente “from Russia, with love.”
19. What does James Bond call his favorite dance move? The “Golden Swing.”
20. Why did James Bond always win at poker? Because he had a “license to trill.”
A License to Thrill (Double Entendre Puns)
1. James Bond always gets the girl, he’s a real ladies’ man-trap.
2. Q: Why does James Bond visit the dentist so often? A: He likes to check out the “spy-der” in patients’ mouths.
3. You can always count on James Bond to get to the bottom of things, especially when it involves a beautiful lady.
4. James Bond ordered a Martini, but he wanted it shaken and stirred, just like his love life.
5. James Bond went to the shoe store and asked the salesperson, “Do you have any shoes with hidden heels?”
6. Q: What’s James Bond’s favorite kind of bread? A: Spye-rye.
7. When James Bond went undercover as a chef, he knew just how to handle the spicy ingredients – with a license to grill.
8. James Bond doesn’t need any wind protection when skiing; his sharp looks are enough to cause avalanche hearts.
9. Q: What kind of car does James Bond drive during the winter? A: An icy Aston Martin.
10. James Bond is skilled at handling explosive situations, whether they involve bombs, or chemistry with co-stars.
11. When James Bond goes fishing, he always catches the biggest fish – he has the license to thrill.
12. Q: Why did James Bond bring a ladder to the casino? A: He wanted to reach the highest stakes.
13. James Bond knew he had found the perfect partner when he met a woman who shared his passion for spy-ces.
14. Q: How does James Bond like his coffee? A: With a shot of undercover espresso.
15. James Bond’s secret weapon isn’t just his charm, it’s also his 007-pack abs.
16. When James Bond ordered a pizza, he asked for a “secret-recipe” topping – a double agent of flavor.
17. Q: Why did James Bond become a jeweler? A: He wanted to make some undercover gems.
18. James Bond enjoys gardening, especially when it involves planting some undercover agents in the flower beds.
19. When James Bond goes in for a haircut, he asks for something more “in-cognito” than the usual style.
20. Q: How does James Bond like his eggs? A: Scrambled, shaken, not stirred.
“License to Punny: James Bond Puns in Idioms”
1. Bond, James Bond-o (Bond, James Bond)
2. A license to kill? More like a license to thrill! (License to kill)
3. When it comes to cocktails, Bond always likes his shaken, not stirred. (Shaken, not stirred)
4. “Time to put the gas pedal to the Goldfinger!” said Bond as he accelerated. (Put the pedal to the metal)
5. Bond knew how to play it cool, he always had “live and let die” attitude. (Live and let die)
6. Bond’s mission was to “take the skyfall” and save the world. (Take the high road)
7. “From Russia with gloves,” said Bond as he prepared for a cold mission. (From Russia with love)
8. “The world is not enough, but a good suit is,” said Bond, always dressed to impress. (The world is not enough)
9. Bond always had a “goldeneye” for hidden clues. (Golden eye)
10. “Octopussy? More like octo-fun!” exclaimed Bond. (Octopussy)
11. Bond’s motto: “Tomorrow never dies, but villains do!” (Tomorrow never dies)
12. “For your eyes only, Bond, the secrets are classified,” said M. (For your eyes only)
13. “Agent 007, Mind your own Qs and As!” warned M. (Mind your Ps and Qs)
14. Bond’s mission was to “die another day” and ensure the world’s safety. (Live to fight another day)
15. “The sky’s not the limit, Bond, it’s just the moonraker!” said M. (The sky’s the limit)
16. “Bond, you just hit the jackpot!” exclaimed M as they uncovered classified information. (Hit the jackpot)
17. “Agent 007, it’s time to bring home the Gold Bond!” said M. (Bring home the gold)
18. Bond excelled in undercover work, always a “diamond in the rough.” (Diamond in the rough)
19. “Bond, I expect you to blow their cover!” declared M, wanting the truth to emerge. (Blow their cover)
20. “Agent 007, it’s time to put your poker face on and play our cards right!” said M as she handed him a mission. (Play your cards right)
Bond Words: (Pun Juxtaposition)
1. James Bond always orders his martinis shaken, not stirred, just like his dance moves.
2. Did you hear about the spy who became a pastry chef? He specialized in undercover tarts.
3. James Bond’s favorite type of pie is secret agent-lime.
4. Bond villains never have trouble finding parking spots because they always have access to villain-only spaces.
5. Q got a second job as a fisherman because he heard the pay was scale-able.
6. James Bond’s favorite type of photography is spy-ography.
7. Bond’s secret agent code name is 007, which is coincidentally also the amount of condiments he enjoys on his hot dogs.
8. Q never has any trouble buying clothes because he’s a master at finding secret agent-wear.
9. James Bond never worries about gaining weight because he knows the secret to being a double 0 is exercise-o-sevens.
10. Bond villains love attending yoga classes because they enjoy stretching their evil plans.
11. Q has an extensive collection of watches, or as he likes to call them, time-keeping spy-der accessories.
12. James Bond is known for his impeccable sense of style, especially when it comes to his suits. He’s a true double 0 six.
13. Bond spares no expense in his luxurious lifestyle. He’s a double owe spender.
14. Q always has a lot on his plate, but it’s mostly gadgets and secret agent snacks.
15. James Bond’s preferred type of decorative plants are double 0-spruces.
16. Bond’s favorite kind of exercise is secret-spy-nastics.
17. Q is known for his impeccable sense of organization. He’s a double 0 neat-freak.
18. James Bond is never afraid to take risks, which is why he loves playing secret agent-o.
19. Did you hear about the spy who became a stand-up comedian? He specialized in undercover jokes.
20. Q is an expert at repairing vehicles, or as he likes to call it, double 0-otto mechanics.
007 Witty Wordplay (James Bond Puns)
1. “Shaken Martini” – A trendy cocktail bar influenced by James Bond.
2. “Bond Voyage” – A travel agency specializing in luxury vacations inspired by James Bond movies.
3. “Goldfigure” – A fitness center focused on helping people achieve their James Bond-like physique.
4. “For Your Pies Only” – A bakery that specializes in secret recipe pies, just like James Bond’s missions.
5. “The Living Thai-lights” – A Thai restaurant with a James Bond-themed setting and menu.
6. “A View to a Grill” – A steakhouse offering a stunning view, perfect for James Bond fans.
7. “Dr. Cook” – A culinary school that teaches students how to create gourmet meals worthy of a secret agent.
8. “Car Dealership Royale” – A luxury car dealership featuring all the sleek and powerful vehicles seen in James Bond movies.
9. “Live and Let Thai” – A Thai massage spa that promotes relaxation and stress relief, just like James Bond.
10. “The Spy and Mighty” – A fitness studio that offers intense workout programs to help you become as strong as James Bond.
11. “For Your Pies Only” – A bakery that specializes in secret recipe pies, just like James Bond’s missions.
12. “Goldfigure” – A fitness center focused on helping people achieve their James Bond-like physique.
13. “License to Chill” – A James Bond-themed ice cream shop serving up delicious flavors with a spy twist.
14. “Thunderball Bowling” – A bowling alley with a James Bond theme, complete with special effects and secret agent-inspired decor.
15. “From Russia with Love Handles” – A gym specializing in weight loss and toning, catering to James Bond fans.
16. “Casino Royal Flush” – A casino and entertainment complex featuring lavish experiences inspired by James Bond’s casino scenes.
17. “Live and Let Thai” – A Thai massage spa that promotes relaxation and stress relief, just like James Bond.
18. Moonraker Megastore” – A large-scale retail store dedicated to selling all things James Bond, from movies to merchandise.
19. “GoldenEye Optometry” – An eyewear boutique offering a wide range of stylish and sophisticated glasses, just like James Bond.
20. “The World is Not Spice” – A gourmet spice shop that offers unique blends and exotic flavors from around the world, perfect for James Bond-inspired recipes.
Bonding Through Punny Mix-Ups (Spoonerisms)
1. “Frog’s Martinis.”
2. “Shaken, not stoned.”
3. “I’m off to buy some Piston Rowers.”
4. “Agent Blond, James Bond.”
5. “Qould Qo Right.”
6. “Lade and Jush, James Bond.”
7. “VodKyle martinis.”
8. “Floy White and the Seven Feet.”
9. “I will not be cupset.”
10. “Leon’t Lash!”
11. “Dick Danker.”
12. “Piss My Money.”
13. “Moonraker forsh.”
14. “Time to order a Rossmantic Redeau.”
15. “Never Ver Too Much.”
16. “Kay Your Codes.”
17. “Dr. Swivago.”
18. “Sibbling Ribs.”
19. “Vanish me, Moneypurg.”
20. “Agent 007, Cobertson.”
Spy-tastic Wordplay (Tom Swifties)
1. “I like my martinis shaken,” said James Bond, soundly.
2. “I have a license to kill,” said James Bond, fatally.
3. “I’m always on a covert mission,” said James Bond, secretly.
4. “I never miss my target,” said James Bond, precisely.
5. “My enemies fear me,” said James Bond, coldly.
6. “I always have a plan,” said James Bond, cleverly.
7. “I enjoy outsmarting my foes,” said James Bond, slyly.
8. “I have a way with the ladies,” said James Bond, smoothly.
9. “I can handle any dangerous situation,” said James Bond, boldly.
10. “My gadgets always save the day,” said James Bond, ingeniously.
11. “I solve mysteries like no other,” said James Bond, mysteriously.
12. “I can charm my way into any organization,” said James Bond, suavely.
13. “I always have a backup plan,” said James Bond, cautiously.
14. “I’m a master of disguise,” said James Bond, cunningly.
15. “I’m always one step ahead,” said James Bond, smartly.
16. “I never reveal my true intentions,” said James Bond, deviously.
17. “I can escape any dangerous situation,” said James Bond, miraculously.
18. “I’m always in pursuit of the truth,” said James Bond, persistently.
19. “I’m a skilled fighter,” said James Bond, powerfully.
20. “I’m the epitome of espionage,” said James Bond, impeccably.
Bonded Puns: Comically Confusing James Bond Oxymorons
1. Bond, James Bond: The undercover agent who’s always in the spotlight.
2. Goldeneye: A spy with a glittering gaze.
3. License to drill: When James Bond becomes an oil tycoon.
4. Die Another Day: The immortal secret agent.
5. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service: A public servant with a hidden agenda.
6. Thunderball: The silent and reserved meteorologist.
7. From Russia with Love: James Bond’s Russian mail-order bride.
8. Quantum of Solace: The amount of relaxation in a high-stakes mission.
9. Casino Royale: A secret agent who’s always up for a high-stakes card game.
10. Skyfall: When James Bond accidentally trips while skydiving.
11. The Man with the Golden Gun: A gentleman who prefers golden firearms.
12. Diamonds are Forever: A forever lasting geological formation.
13. Octopussy: A cuddly cat with too many legs.
14. Moonraker: The scientist obsessed with incredibly fast rocket launches.
15. A View to a Kill: A romantic date gone horribly wrong.
16. For Your Eyes Only: A paranoid surveillance expert.
17. The Living Daylights: The bright and active agent who never sleeps.
18. The Spy Who Loved Me: A secret agent with affection for espionage.
19. You Only Live Twice: The person who keeps coming back for more lives.
20. Spectre: A ghostly hacker who only becomes visible in cyberspace.
Recursive Laughs (James Bond Puns)
1. I heard James Bond invented a new kind of watch. It’s called a spy-der.
2. James Bond decided to take up gardening. His favorite plant is spy-der mums.
3. Did you know James Bond started his own bakery? He makes spy-der doughnuts.
4. James Bond tried his hand at crafting. His favorite project? Spy-der webs.
5. I overheard James Bond is a big fan of rock climbing. His favorite technique? Spy-der climbing.
6. James Bond wanted to become a fashion designer. His signature look? Spy-der suits.
7. Did you hear James Bond is learning magic? His favorite trick? Turning cards into spy-der webs.
8. James Bond decided to pursue a career in architecture. His favorite structure? Spy-der bridges.
9. I heard James Bond took up cooking. His go-to dish? Spy-der spaghetti.
10. Did you know James Bond is an excellent painter? His favorite subjects? Spy-der landscapes.
11. James Bond started a photography business. His specialty? Capturing spy-der webs.
12. I heard James Bond became a boxing champion. His signature move? Spy-der punches.
13. James Bond decided to become a sculptor. His favorite material? Spy-der clay.
14. Did you know James Bond took up beekeeping? His favorite bees? Spy-der bees.
15. James Bond started a fitness journey. His favorite exercise? Spy-der push-ups.
16. I overheard James Bond became a travel blogger. His favorite destination? Spy-der Island.
17. James Bond decided to start a music career. His favorite genre? Spy-der rock.
18. Did you know James Bond took up skydiving? His favorite jump? Spy-der dives.
19. James Bond became a hair stylist. His signature hairstyle? Spy-der braids.
20. I heard James Bond opened a restaurant. His specialty dish? Spy-der rolls.
“License to Thrill: Bonding Over Punny Clichés”
1. “Bond, James Bond, licensed to grill.”
2. “Shaken, not slurped.”
3. “Live and let pie.”
4. “The spy who loved tea.”
5. “Diamonds are forever, but so is your student loan debt.”
6. “License to thrill, not spill.”
7. “From Russia with gouda.”
8. “A view to a krill.”
9. “The man with the golden bun.”
10. “Bond, James Bond, licensed to chill.”
11. “On Her Majesty’s Secret Cinnamon Roll.”
12. “Dr. No, it’s not dough, it’s a bagel.”
13. “The spy who loved syrup.”
14. “License to dill, not spill.”
15. “From Russia with love, and a side of fries.”
16. “Moonloaf.”
17. “Octopie.”
18. “License to grill, not spill.”
19. “The man with the golden crumb.”
20. “Goldfinge(r)licking good.”
In conclusion, these 200+ James Bond puns have surely left you thunderball-ed and shaken, not stirred! But why stop here? Explore more pun-tastic content on our website and dive into a world of laughter and wordplay. Thank you for taking the time to visit our site, and we hope you had a barrel of laughs! Until next time, stay suave and punny!
