Are you feeling a little… backed up in the humor department? Fear not, because we’ve got just the remedy to unblock your laugh pipes! Introducing a gut-busting collection of over 200 constipation puns that will have you chuckling harder than a prune juice enthusiast at happy hour. Get ready to let go of all that comedic tension. From the silly to the downright bowel-busting, our meticulously curated list is the ultimate laxative for your funny bone! So sit back, relax (but not too much—you know why), and let the giggles flow. Whether you’re a connoisseur of toilet humor or just looking for a bit of relief from the seriousness of life, these constipation puns are guaranteed to get things moving—on the laughter track, that is. Keep on reading to push your humor limits, because the joke clog ends here!
The Best Constipation Puns to Get Things Moving (Editors Pick)
1. I’m reading a book on constipation. It hasn’t come out yet.
2. Constipated people don’t give a crap.
3. Have you heard about the constipation movie? It never released.
4. Update: The constipation movie came out, it was a real blockbuster.
5. Do you know what the constipated mathematician did? Worked it out with a pencil.
6. I was going to tell a constipation joke, but it’s full of crap.
7. I have a constipation joke too, but it’s stuck at the moment.
8. Why was the toilet paper roll sad? It was dealing with too much constipated people’s crap.
9. Constipation is a sign that your body’s keeping a tight ass-et.
10. I would tell you my constipation story, but it’s pretty backed up.
11. Why did the constipated snake go to the doctor? Because it couldn’t move-along.
12. Constipated people are just full of themselves.
13. I had a joke about constipation, but it’s not passing my mind right now.
14. What’s a constipated detective called? No-shit Sherlock.
15. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing and the constipated cucumber.
16. Life is like a roll of toilet paper; you’re either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole.
17. Why was the constipated accountant so calculating? He had to budget his movements.
18. What do you call a storyteller with constipation? A person who has a buildup to a craptastic finish.
19. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn’t budge it, so he had to work it out with a spread sheet.
20. Don’t joke about constipation. It’s a serious problem that’s not to be poo-pooed.
Unblocking Humor: Constipation One-Liners That’ll Get Things Moving
1. You know you’re constipated when you’ve been sitting for so long, even your toilet is bored.
2. Constipation is the one time when procrastinators actually give a crap about their deadlines.
3. The constipated composer was noted for his lack of movement.
4. Did you hear about the constipated poker player? He couldn’t deal with his shit.
5. Why don’t constipated people make good historians? They can’t let go of the past.
6. A constipated owl says, “Who? Me? No, I haven’t gone in days.”
7. Heard of the new constipation diet? It’s not very moving.
8. I told my constipated friend a joke to make her laugh. Hopefully, it’ll crack her up enough to loosen things up.
9. What do you get when you cross constipation with a computer? A log jam.
10. Did you hear about the constipated judge? He couldn’t pass any motions.
11. Constipation can be a pretty hard subject to digest.
12. Why was the constipated gardener so frustrated? He just wanted his plants to go with the flow.
13. A constipated cat says, “I’ve got nine lives but only one regular movement.”
14. Why can’t you trust a constipated person? Because they can’t get their shit together.
15. Why was the constipated janitor upset? He couldn’t clean out his system.
16. I used to be constipated, but now I’m on a roll.
17. What’s the constipated philosopher’s favorite question? “To go or not to go?”
18. Never trust a fart when you’re constipated; it’s a setup.
19. Why did the constipated ghost visit the doctor? It had trouble scaring the crap out of people.
20. Did you hear about the newly invented tool for constipation? It’s causing a movement in the industry.
“Pressing Matters: Bowel-tingling Q&A Puns”
1. What do you call a constipated detective? A no-go Sherlock.
2. Why don’t constipated people ever deal with their problems? They can’t let shit go.
3. Why did the constipated math book look so sad? It had too many problems to work out.
4. What do you call a magician with constipation? A non-regular show.
5. Why did the constipated accountant get a calculator? To help him figure out his backlog.
6. Why don’t constipated people tell secrets? They can’t let anything out.
7. What did the tomato say to the constipated onion? “You look like you could use a good movement!”
8. What did the constipated comedian say? “This joke won’t come out right.”
9. Why did the constipated clock go to the doctor? It needed help passing the time.
10. What’s a constipated owl’s favorite catchphrase? “Hoo can’t go.”
11. Why did the baker have a tough time with constipation? He couldn’t knead the dough.
12. What do you call it when a constipated person finally goes? A bowel movement breakthrough.
13. Why did the constipated snake go to the doctor? It couldn’t hiss comfortably.
14. What do you get from a constipated cow? No-moo-vement.
15. How do constipated stars stay hidden? They refuse to release their gaseous form.
16. What’s a constipated pirate’s worst nightmare? An unmoving booty.
17. What’s a constipated person’s favorite exercise? The squat, for obvious reasons.
18. Why was the constipated vegan upset? They couldn’t produce a pea.
19. Why do constipated people seem so insightful? Because their minds are full of deep thoughts.
20. What do you call an ancient, constipated dinosaur? A Try-Andgo-Butcan’t-asaurus.
“Blocked and Loaded: Constipation Double Entendres”
1. I’m on a roll, just not the toilet roll.
2. This situation is getting pretty backed up.
3. I’m feeling rather bummed out today.
4. Can’t seem to move on from this sticky situation.
5. I’m holding onto a lot of crap lately.
6. It’s a strained relationship, between me and fiber.
7. I’ve been in a log jam all week.
8. Just another day in para-dice, or should I say, paralyzed.
9. I’m all tied up at the moment.
10. My bowels are in a knot, quite the plot twist.
11. Feeling like a regular outlaw, ’cause nothing’s passing.
12. I need a movement, not a bowel movement, a movement of people who understand my pain.
13. Guess I’m just a stool pigeon without any stool.
14. I’m not loafing around, it’s just hard to move.
15. Let’s get to the bottom of this, the very, very bottom.
16. I’m so uptight, not a single slip up.
17. You may think I’m full of it, and you’d be right, quite literally.
18. I don’t always tell toilet jokes, but when I do, they’re not very fluid.
19. It’s been days, I might have to throw in the towel… but not in there.
20. I’m a regular comedian, but not in the way you’d think.
Unblocking Laughter: Constipation Idioms Get a Comical Flush
1. When it comes to constipation, you really have to go with your gut feeling.
2. Constipation problems are a hard pill to swallow.
3. I have a constipation joke, but it hasn’t come out yet.
4. Don’t push people who are constipated; they’re already on edge.
5. Those who suffer from constipation often feel like they’re in a tight spot.
6. You could say I’m stuck on constipation humor; it doesn’t seem to be passing.
7. I’d tell you my constipation story, but it’s a bit of a strain.
8. Keep your friends close, but your enemas closer, especially when you’re constipated.
9. For constipation, the waiting is the hardest part.
10. Being constipated really adds a new meaning to “never let go.”
11. If you’re constipated, you know that sometimes, not everything in life comes out smoothly.
12. A constipated mathematician worked it out with a pencil, but it was a number two mistake.
13. A constipated person isn’t necessarily a liar, but they are full of it.
14. When you’re constipated, you understand the true meaning of “nothing moves me.”
15. Amidst constipation, even the most private individuals become stall-tellers.
16. Constipation is the thief of time; hours can pass before anything happens.
17. If life gives you constipation, make sure you have plenty of reading material.
18. Living with constipation is like waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never does.
19. A constipation sufferer’s favorite game is “block and load.”
20. Constipation can make a person feel like they’re at the end of their rope, but they just can’t let go.
“Pushing the Envelope: Puns that Won’t Let You Hold It In”
1. I’m not constipated, I’m just stuck-up.
2. I’m on a roll — just not when it comes to bowel movements.
3. Talk about a bowel movement; I’m experiencing a bowel stillment.
4. I tried to write a constipation joke, but it wouldn’t come out.
5. When it comes to constipation, I can’t seem to get my crap together.
6. Constipation really cramps my style.
7. I’ve been constipated for so long, I’ve forgotten what a movement looks like.
8. I have a constipation problem; it’s a hard subject to pass.
9. My digestive system must be a math problem because it can’t seem to work itself out.
10. I’m in a bit of a jam — and not the fruity kind.
11. Constipation is a sticky situation; everything just stays put.
12. When you’re constipated, flush with success takes on a whole new meaning.
13. I asked for a laxative, but got a stop sign instead.
14. When you’re constipated, time doesn’t fly, it floats.
15. With constipation, the waiting is the hardest part.
16. Being constipated is no joke; humor is hard to push through.
17. I tried to conquer constipation, but resistance is fecal.
18. I’m so constipated, I feel like a bear in hibernation — nothing’s moving.
19. Constipation is like a traffic jam in your digestive highway.
20. Call me a constipated detective; I just can’t seem to crack the case.
Bowel-Tickling Wits: Unplugging Constipation Puns
1. Consti-Patrick’s Plight Clinic
2. The Throne Room by Consti-Paul
3. Loo-cy’s Laxative Lounge
4. Consti-Pete’s Pressure Palace
5. Stool-Simon’s Stopping Center
6. The Potty Chronicles by Consti-Pam
7. Regular-Rita’s Relief Resort
8. Blockage-Bob’s Bowel Bistro
9. Heather’s Hesitation Haven
10. Poop-Paige’s Push Parlor
11. Johnny’s Jams & Jellybeans Emporium
12. Duke Dung’s Delay Den
13. Consti-Perry’s Poo Parley
14. The Binding Times by Consti-Tim
15. Consti-Nina’s Natural Nook
16. Loo-Liam’s Log Jam Jubilee
17. Evacuation-Evan’s Ease Emporium
18. Consti-Oliver’s Obstruction Outlet
19. Stool-Stella’s Standstill Studio
20. Consti-Neal’s No-Movement Mart.
“Stuck on Words: Constipation Spoonerisms”
1. Crapping flue instead of flapping crew
2. Natural serial instead of serial natural
3. Bowel troopers instead of towel broopers
4. Bungled stool instead of stungled bool
5. Popping stool instead of stopping pool
6. Shove the lead instead of love the shed
7. Dull bowel instead of bowel dull
8. Heavy looty instead of levy hooty
9. Turd tubbler instead of bird tubbler
10. Stuck throne instead of truck stone
11. Straining boast instead of brainy toast
12. Pass the fart instead of fast the part
13. Can’t splat instead of splat can’t
14. Moonless vovement instead of movement voonless
15. Motionless lava instead of lotionless mava
16. Pushing cart instead of cushion part
17. Stale on a goat instead of tale on a stoat
18. Flock of stool instead of stock of fool
19. Stranded bandage instead of branded standage
20. Whack reliever instead of rack wheever
Bowel-Tied Quips: Tom Swifties Flush with Humor
1. “I need a laxative,” Tom said movingly.
2. “This prune juice will help,” said Tom fruitfully.
3. “I finally found the bathroom,” Tom said relievedly.
4. “I can’t go,” Tom said impatiently.
5. “This fiber supplement should work,” Tom said hopefully.
6. “I feel like I’m full of it,” Tom said crappily.
7. “I shouldn’t have eaten that cheese,” Tom said regretfully.
8. “That laxative kicked in,” Tom stated explosively.
9. “I’m on the toilet again,” said Tom, unseatedly.
10. “I’ll never be constipated again,” Tom vowed regularly.
11. “I’m trying all these home remedies,” Tom said naturally.
12. “That was a huge relief,” Tom sighed unclogged.
13. “Enemas are not my thing,” Tom said uncomfortably.
14. “I need to change my diet,” Tom said digestively.
15. “I don’t feel blocked up anymore,” Tom said passingly.
16. “This squatty potty is great,” Tom elevated conversationally.
17. “I’m back from the bathroom,” Tom reported summarily.
18. “I’m feeling backed up,” Tom said woodenly.
19. “That was a tense visit to the John,” Tom recounted strainedly.
20. “I should add more bran to my meals,” Tom said cereally.
“Contradictory Constipation Quips (Oxymoronic Puns)”
1. Actively Lazy Laxatives.
2. Productively Constipated.
3. Moving Standstill Moments.
4. Smoothly Rough Traffic.
5. Fast-Slow Digestive Dance.
6. Perfectly Imperfect Bowel Rhythm.
7. Incidentally Intentional Blockage.
8. Awfully Pleasant Gut Feeling.
9. Cruel Kindness of Fiber.
10. Sweetly Bitter Pills.
11. Progressively Stagnant Digestion.
12. Restful Discomfort Mornings.
13. Dynamically Static Intestines.
14. Happily Frustrated Bathroom Trips.
15. Constantly Variable Relief.
16. Clearly Confusing Symptoms.
17. Pleasantly Agonizing Wait.
18. Actively Inactive Gut.
19. Patiently Impatient Bathroom Visits.
20. Hopelessly Hopeful Remedies.
“Pushing the Limits: Unblocking Recursive Constipation Puns”
1. Trying to come up with a constipation pun can be really straining.
2. Sometimes, making constipation puns is like a hard stool; it doesn’t always come out right.
3. If you don’t find these constipation puns funny, you must be too impacted by seriousness.
4. These puns might not be fast-acting; they need time to digest.
5. I tried to tell a joke about constipation, but it wouldn’t pass.
6. It’s tough to let go of a good constipation pun; they tend to stick with you.
7. If you’re not into constipation puns, no need to get all backed up about it.
8. Just like with constipation, sometimes you’ve got to push a little harder for a good pun.
9. I had a great joke about constipation, but it’s just out of reach.
10. Don’t force these puns too much, or the humor might get obstructed.
11. Some say constipation puns are immature, but I think they’re solid material.
12. You might not give a crap about these puns, but I’m plowing through.
13. There’s a movement of people who appreciate a good constipation pun.
14. It took a lot of effort, but once this pun gets going, it’s a smooth operation.
15. I have a constipation pun stuck in my mind, and I can’t push it out.
16. Next time I’ll have to think outside the box, because these puns are a bit too compacted.
17. This list is getting long; I hope my humor isn’t becoming too irregular.
18. If you don’t laugh at these, I won’t be bummed out.
19. Constipation puns may not be everyone’s taste, but I find them quite moving.
20. Well, this is the end of our movement; I hope you found these constipation puns to be a relief.
Unblocking the Flow of Wit (Constipation Puns)
1. It’s not hard to get to the bottom of a constipation problem; things just have to move along.
2. You know what they say, constipation is just a part of life: when it comes, it can be a real pain in the butt.
3. I was going to write a joke about constipation, but it hasn’t come out yet.
4. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; but when life gives you constipation, make a quick trip to the pharmacy.
5. Constipation is a sign that in the game of thrones, sometimes you win, and sometimes you don’t.
6. Love is like constipation- it can put a lot of pressure on your heart.
7. They say patience is a virtue, and that’s especially true when you’re waiting to go number two.
8. An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a prune a day keeps constipation at bay.
9. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again – unless you’re trying to push through constipation.
10. The early bird catches the worm, but the blocked bird catches nothing at all.
11. Out of sight, out of mind doesn’t apply when you’re constipated; it’s all you can think about.
12. A penny for your thoughts, but a fiber-rich meal for your bowel movements.
13. Good things come to those who wait, unless you’re waiting to poop – then laxatives are your friend.
14. Time heals all wounds, but when you’re constipated, a little fiber acts a lot quicker.
15. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it makes constipation a lot harder to deal with.
16. Laughter is the best medicine, unless you’re constipated – then it’s just painful.
17. Silence is golden, except when you’re in the bathroom with constipation – then it’s just suspicious.
18. Knowledge is power, but when battling constipation, water and fiber are a more powerful combination.
19. You can’t judge a book by its cover, nor can you judge constipation by its lack of movement.
20. Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get, except with constipation, you know exactly what you aren’t getting.
We hope you found this compilation of over 200 constipation puns just the right remedy to relieve any humor blockage you might have been experiencing! Just remember, laughter is like a good fiber—it helps keep things moving. We’d love for you to stick around and explore the other pun-packed pages of our website. Each one is guaranteed to add a little more giggle to your day.
Thank you for dropping by and sharing a laugh with us. We’re always updating our content, so be sure to come back for your next dose of hilarity. Remember, you don’t need to strain for a smile; we’ve got puns to bust any frown blockage! Keep chuckling, and until next time, keep the laughs moving!
